Two & Twelve

I really wanted to like you Two & Twelve! You and your hip interiors, cool deliberate spilled paint chairs and old school menus… bah
Ok let’s get the what they did well first, the aforementioned décor, the meaty/​filling themed menu (although there was a kombucha Bircher), the coffee was good and they encourage brekky cocktails which is a-​ok with me. What didn’t work so well was the serving size… while they’re not exactly tiny… at the near $ 20 mark, I was hoping a little more. What really worried me were my burnt waffles, dry as a bone burnt, both of them. And looking at the dark brown hash next table got, it seems like a common theme. Hope the guys there can take this on and scale it back a bit… it’s hard to justify dry waffles if the taste doesn’t make up for it.

I really wanted to like this place but unfortunately it was a let down in all areas. We ordered the fried chicken due to a craving and i could have made much better at home. No flavour at all, and it was boneless chicken strips — why!!! Not one item we ordered had more than a few mouthfulls… beans were fatty, mash was bland, mac n cheese was like packet, gravy was like a brown white sauce with no flavour. To top it off, it was crazy expensive for the portion size ($ 27 for 3 small strips of soggy ‘fried’ chicken, a spoon of mash and coleslaw (the coleslaw was actually quite good) and terrible gravy.

I am now writing about the worst dining experience of my life. I really tried justifying giving this place 2 stars but I couldn’t find a single reason why. First, let me say that I had been looking forward to coming here for a LONG, LONG time. My flatmate knows the people who run this place and I read decent reviews online.
I came here with a group of 15 people last week on a Saturday night. We made a reservation and arrived on time. First, we ordered drinks. Forty minutes later, none of the drinks nor TAP WATER arrived at the table — this is after we asked the server twice about it. No movement at all on their part. We get up ourselves to get the bottles of tap water and on the way back to the table some other customers ask if we can take their order already because they mistook us for staff (they were very unhappy about how long it took for anyone to go to their table).
Finally, a server came to take our food order. We ordered a ton of food (3 bbq platters, 3 mac and cheese, several burgers, etc). After a full hour passed, cocktails arrived. We learned our lesson and from then on only ordered beer because clearly they ain’t got time to make a cocktail. After even MORE time passed when everyone was hangry, the food arrived.
Holy sh*t worst food ever.
Bbq platter was $ 84 each so we are expecting massive amounts of succulent meat piled on a tray, feeding 2 – 4 people (what the menu says). Nope. See the pic I took as evidence. I can’t believe it cost $ 84 per plate for something like this, feeding 2 people at most!!! Same price as the bbq platter at Papi Chulo which is 10x better. Worst thing is that the meat was terrible and dry. Brisket was dry. Dude everything was just BAD. And the tray was garnished with rocket all on top of the meat?! Wtf! I know it’s Bondi but dude, leave the rocket off a bbq platter — it just doesn’t belong there. The truffle mac and cheese was a rectangular tin of dry pasta covered in dry breadcrumbs. There was nothing cheesy about this. Lastly what was shocking is that the bread rolls were incredibly stale.
This was the night before I ran the half marathon and I gave up carb loading to eat my fav food — bbq. I really regret it as I left upset and still hungry. Everyone at the table was astonished at how this place exists when the service is as bad as it gets and the food is mediocre. Surely this was an off night, but it baffles me how it could have been this off.
Normally I feel really bad about giving a place such a low rating, but no owner/​manager/​staff member apologized or even acknowledged what had happened tonight. Just terrible.
WORST DINING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!

This place is next door to Neighbourhood and I originally sat down thinking I was in Neighbourhood before I realized I was in the wrong restaurant… oops. We were too settled in to move by the time I realized. Hehe.
But I was pleasantly surprised. They had house smoked salmon with hollandaise breakfast (eggs, toast, etc) and it was deeeeelicious. Truly… really great. Coffee was good too. Then I read up on all the rest and I’d really like to come back for dinner with an avid carnivore friend of mine, preferably. Smoked meats and Americana… it isn’t very vegetarian friendly, is it? Don’t come here with a vege friend!