Envy Lounge

Just had lunch here. I have been in before a few times but this time around things didn’t really work out. The place is pretty stylish, but food was expensive and kind of sucked. My wife and I took a booth. The seat was wooden and very hard to sit on. I ordered chicken satay. It was luke-​warm (pretty cold), very small and pretty bland. For $ 9 I would have expected more. Definitely not a lunch sized portion. My wife had the crab cake which was OK, but the fries that came with it were cold. And the salad was pretty poor. The leaves were old and black /​soggy in places. Great potential, but failed to deliver this time around.

Ok, so we went during Restaurant Week, which can either be a chance for a new restaurant to earn its way into our hearts or a chaotic awful experience. Given the rating, can you guess?
Vapid hostess; even my very «male» husband couldn’t appreciate the all-​bounce-​no-​substance as we followed her to our table. This VERY small two top happened to be on an aisle (in an otherwise empty room) and we were bumped by passing trays several times — hard once or twice ! with nary an apology.
The drink was somewhat less than average at a higher than average price. Not a great start. Then it got even better!
I don’t even remember what I ate except to say that it was sub-​par. But what did stand out was the risotto. Now as any of you who watch Hell’s Kitchen know, risotto can be tricky. I might have gotten a reaction if I’d thrown the plate and yelled «You donkey!» ala Gordon Ramsey! I know I can be picky. But in my head there is a HUGE difference between «al dente» and CRUNCHY!!! So I politely brought this to our vapid server’s attention. Wait for it… it gets great here — she said — and I quote, «Oh. That’s how we do it here.» and walked away.
With a wonderful place like Pearl virtually across the street — why bother with this?

Okay. Envy. When I see the word DECONSTRUCTED on a menu, I know I’m going to go so far as to review the youthful confident gait of the brunette maitre d’ as she jigglingly strides across an impossibly long dark room wearing the little black dress signifying an empty and sexy blank knowingness in NYC but like a bad interpretation translates merely to a shallow sensate superiority in Albany as we follow her, warts-​on-​the-​forehead-​of-​Pavlovian-​intubated-​chihuahuas, to our oversized booth which is clearly designed to be intimidatingly much bigger than our egos. Fortunately Rox and I are both a little looped, otherwise we’d either be having sex or taking hot steamy dumps at our giant table. Instead, we’re talking to a petite waitress who would rather be studying finance than taking our order, and her veneer of enthusiasm is almost convincing as we cordially test her sincerity with willed bumpkin dopiness. We’re polite pains in the ass, countering the restaurant’s misplaced pretense, and she’s served idiots like us a thousand times: small-​town Kabuki theatre.
My Perfect Martini contains no sweet vermouth, but who cares? We already understand that whatever we request is going to be closer to face painting than an elaborate tattoo and we’re perfectly in sync with this simulacrum, smiling all the way. I have the «clambake,» which has a chorizo corndog that looks like one of Jeff Goldblum’s appendages in «The Fly,» but tastes better, skewered upright against a tied garni bag filled with okay steamed clams surrounded by teensy mussels, covering a little parenthetical surprise of mashed potatoes. Some variety of brown reduction is drizzled over everything but does nothing. Looks pretty, though. Rox fares better with salmon that she decides is perfectly done.
Dessert is a twinkamisu, as self-​conscious and obvious as its name. At this point we are feeling stupid, but sufficiently entertained by a souless venue that aspires to be a souless venue. Good times, good times.

we had lunch here last winter and i was sooo not impressed. the décor was outstanding but it was FREEZING inside. i had to order tea to warm my hands and i kept my coat on. but at least i had hopes for the menu. it Reads quite nicely. sadly i was quite let down. i ordered the roast beef with brie on a baguette. it was $ 12 and worth about $ 7. the brie was cold, the beef not only sparse was also cut too think and wasn’t tender enough to just bite down on, i had to work at it to take a bite. missy had a glorified grilled cheese that was also $ 12. it was really a huge let down.
i haven’t even gone back for dinner even tho the menu seems enticing. the prices are too high to risk the same let down. i hope someone else had gone however and can give me Their opinion.