Winter 2014

I can’t handle this level of negative attraction, Jack Frost. I know you loved me when I was in college – and really, who wouldn’t? I was hot! But that was Pennsylvania, and this is New Orleans.
It’s really unconscionable that you are now stalking me. I move to New Orleans because we needed some space. I wanted to let our relationship cool off (hehe, get it?), and I thought the distance would be perfect. It’s really not my fault that you got too excited for my return visit to the Midwest and snowed everyone under. Did you think that night in Chicago was cute? You know, the one where my ACTUAL PARTNER and I got lost then I slipped on a patch of ice and belly-​flopped into a huge, icy puddle from one of your ice dams? Because that is the opposite of flirting, Mr. Frost.
The sub-​zero temperatures are not warming my heart, either. If that didn’t change my mind, nothing will. Now your assault on New Orleans is beyond the pale. This, I cannot handle. After the northern half of our country has been ground to a halt multiple times, you came into MY backyard to sing your crummy, off-​key love songs. Hot tip: this won’t work. There is no way I will ever fall for you and your frigid ways, Jack Frost!
I’m over you, once and for all.

Love to read reviews by my friend Libby! She has perfectly described the hell that is Dayton Ohio (among many other states, cities) while we attempt to survive this «polar vortex.» Our local media keeps trying to compare this to the blizzard of 1978! Are you kidding me? Yes we had a ton of snow but the temperatures were not equivalent to –25+ below! I was a young woman during that blizzard and ended up being shut in with my hot date from the prior evening for three «cozy» days. We made chili and imbibed on the spirits I had stocked in my tiny apartment and as I recall, it was quite an enjoyable time. BUT… I am now nearly 60 years old and have been housebound with my hubby of 23 years for far too long. I love the man dearly but we are both grumpy and tired of looking at each other. Even the dog is grumpy! My plans to get to the grocery for nearly a week now have been thwarted so I have concocted meals using what I had on hand. «Soup for the soul???» NOT! One can only eat so much soup. We have had chili, vegetable soup and last night I made potato soup. I will say the potato soup was fabulous but I am ready to head to Flemings or somewhere for a steak and a change of scenery! Hell, even McDonald’s is sounding good to me and I abhor fast food! Forget trying to keep warm. The furnace is running nonstop! Why is it that the thermostat reads 72 but it still feels like 50??? I don’t get that! I would be quite comfortable in a sleeveless top, capris and flip flops in 72 degree weather but I am bundled up like a polar bear and still can’t keep warm. At least my house is clean, the laundry is done and I am caught up on some things that needed my attention but today is Sunday and I desperately need to escape!!! I just looked outside though and the thermometer is reading 8 degrees (which doesn’t factor in the wind chill) and I see a sheet of ice on my walkway, snow blowing like a little tornado in my front yard, icicles hanging from my gutters… Found some chicken in the freezer and have some rice and chicken broth in the cupboard. What’s for dinner tonight??? Chicken soup, of course! Don’t think it will do my soul any good though! The only thing that will cure this mood is sunshine and a heatwave of about 40 degrees! Not to mention, the only white stuff I want to see are the roots of my hair because I cannot get out to my salon to get it properly colored! Mother Nature is so on my shit list!!!