Cracovia / Mooney’s Bar

Last time I came here, Kenny Rogers was overloaded on the juke and played for the entire time I was there. Other jukebox favorites pay homage to a bygone era and the land of tumbleweeds, include Patsy Cline, Rod Stewart, Johnny Cash, and Willie Nelson, which is good for three stars right off the bat. Aside from that, this beautiful dive bar is utterly Polish. A 1950s looking poster advertises the mysterious and pink Warsaw cocktail available here; I was content for my entire visit with just a giant $ 5 bottle of Tyskie (1 pt. 1 oz). Unlike most American bars which seat you in a straight line staring at yourself in the mirror, the curvature of this bar is distinctly European and makes it easy to interact with people a few seats down on either side. Unfortunately, my neighbors on both sides were drunk to the point of slurring. I did my best to listen and nod my head, but it was a good three minutes before I realized one of the guys was in fact slurring in Polish, not English. Not that it would have mattered.

In an area loaded with working class shot and a beer bars tended by various types of attractive Polish girls, Cracovia is my favorite. Given the steady stream of customers on any night, I’m not alone. Despite the Polish-​centric focus of these places, Cracovia manages to draw in not just Polish locals, but even the working class Latino dudes as well! Yeah, it’s like a mini United Nations or something whenever I stop in here– a real cross-​section of the neighborhood. Even the jukebox reflects this, with the expected «Euro» dance music and US and Latino dance music too.
So what really makes Cracovia different? What makes Cracovia stand out from the crowd? Well, after a number of beers on repeated visits, I’ve brought my tremendous intelligence to bear on this question. Yup, I’ve teased the answer out to be one, amazingly simple fact, which I’ll share with you here:
The owner makes all the bartender girls wear super short miniskirts.
Super short? Yeah, like ridiculously short. Maybe they don’t actually have to wear them this short, but they do! This, plus the fact that the bartender girls here are all cute in a friendly way, not a sleazy way, (think more Polish cheerleader than hooker) combine to make this a place that’s generally got some dudes in there enjoying a beer or two and behaving themselves in the hopes of getting one of those girls to chat them up. And oh yeah, the bartenders speak English pretty well too! So you neither have to worry of being the only dude in there nor getting stuck having some inane small talk with somebody who barely speaks English. All of these facts make Cracovia a fine place for a beer by me.