Te’Jay’s Adult Books

I was very confused as to what Te’ Jay’s Adult Bookstore even was, until their manager, a very nice yet persistent young Middle Eastern man named Habib, kept calling my cell phone telling me that I had an order that was ready for pickup. I had never ordered anything from here previously, but he was very insistent. Apparently it was a pre-​paid order of two extra large dildos, and two butt plugs that I had NEVER ordered. Maybe someone was playing a prank on me? I decided to answer, and check it out for myself.
This man, Habib had called me four or five times prior to this, and, being the naïve guy that I am, kept thinking he must have had the wrong number, because I have never ordered anything from a sex shop in my entire life, yet he had my name and information, and kept mentioning that his store was not very big, and that he needed the items gone immediately, so I figured I would give it a whirl. Hey, what did I have to lose? WOW, I had no idea what I was missing!
If you’re looking for hard-​core raw no-​holds-​barred adult-​based fun, Te’Jays is the place for you. Look no further. They have an exquisite collection of toys, ranging from crystal heated glass butt plugs [for every shape and size sphincter! I was very impressed by this, as Habib told me these were very rare, and hard to find!], to the good old Glory Holes in the back. Don’t forget to bring a towel, folks, it gets a little messy back there. But I give this place a whole five out of five stars. It has changed my life. Boy, did it sure come at the right time! I was a lonely guy until I met Habib.
Thank you for providing what I had so long been lacking, and the neighborhood is relatively decent compared to some of the other adult places in Chicago, so I feel a bit less concerned about someone stealing my collectors’ items on the way out. Some of the items are very pricey, but for the quality [and complexity], they are very much worth it!

I’ve walked by this place numerous times on my way to and from the restaurants/​bars on Hubbard Street and always thought this store seems so out of place. Just from the outside the place seems so shady… like Real Housewives shady.
My friend asked me if I wanted to take a morning break from work and go shopping with her. What she failed to tell me is that we would be shopping for a gag (no pun intended) gift for her sister’s bachelorette party this weekend. So that’s how I ended up in one of the seediest places I’ve ever been in… Te’Jay’s.
The selection of magazine, movies and adult fun items can be found here in abundance, which is a good thing since that’s why people would come to this «bookstore.» The reason I call this place seedy is because it just gives off a dirty feeling as soon as you walk through the doors. The people (male and female) with hats and dark sunglasses checking out the dvd collections and those paying to go to the private rooms in the back made me feel like I was in a 1970s made for Cinemax After Dark movie.
If you live, work or visiting downtown and you are looking for something to spice up things in your boudoir I’d recommend stopping in here, BUT you may want to burn your clothes and shower in Purell.

Ladies and Gentlemen
I present to you the finest place to get a std in the city!
I have no quarrels with «adult entrainment» however I frequently pass this establishment on my way to my daily routines and i’m flabbergasted that «it» along with similar businesses still
our fair city! People coming in and out at all hours and I swear I saw a man exiting this locale once wearing some sort of devil worshiping leather hood mask! I am not a god fearing man but for a minute I was keen on Jesus!
Oh how i miss the days when people kept their perversions in there homes where they belong!
I need a glass of Duhart-​Milon and perhaps some octopus.
Onward and Upwards

I think that when it comes to a porn shop, the intended goal should be to make patrons feel welcome, make the merchandise easily-​accessible, and make sure your customers leave satisfied.
I didn’t get any of those vibes here, though that may be a result of my not being the desired clientele for this particular establishment, now that I’ve read the other reviews. I thought it would be this quaint little erotic-​type shop where a fellow could go to purchase some pornographic material or bachelor/​bachelorette-​party supplies and be on their merry way.
Upon entering, I was asked to make a $ 1 deposit. Presumably that it would be returned if I made a purchase of more than $ 10. (Shockingly, you’ll find a lot of material here sold for $ 9.99 so they get to keep that dollar.) Apparently if I visited this place after 8pm, I’d be making a $ 2 deposit. I suppose I could understand that this is to keep out some of the riff-​raff who aren’t coming in to really make a purchase. Judging by the other reviews, I now understand why this would be a frequent case, but it didn’t help me to feel welcomed at all. The large reminder signs that you are being videotaped weren’t a large help, either.
Another detriment to the atmosphere is the booths in the back. I of course did not venture back there, thinking at the time that it was a place where you pay a large amount of money to just watch your pornography selection in the store without needing to make an actual purchase at the end. All I know is that the booths are LOUD. I don’t know why the SOUNDS of porn in the background makes browsing the selections of porn that much worse, but it felt awful in my brain.
Had I known that the booths involve glory holes, that queasy feeling would have been multiplied threefold.
The other problem with this place is the sheer volume of material. When it comes to the literature, I was pleased to see that there was a wide variety to select from, and the standard packaging of multiple materials in a discount pack for spendthrift masturbation purposes. The right aisle even included a wide range of foreign-​language magazines. I assume they’re just as good as the English stuff, although I’ve had some bad experiences with some Hong Kong pornography purchased in Chinatown, so it’s anyone’s guess.
It’s the video stacks. Not «stacks» as in a library archive, but just a large oblong stack of porn DVDs from the floor up to knee-​height; several of them around the premises. As if the insanely-​huge actual racks of DVDs weren’t enough — I think these were the «bargain bin» selection, except there’s no bin. It’s just a pile of porn.
I’d like to comment on the strangeness of the categorization of the archives by Production Company being more prominent than the categorization by genre — but maybe that’s important to the choosy pervert. Maybe the Anabolic crew produces better «[Ethnicity] [Gender] Who Love Large [Body Part]» material than the Evil Angel folks. I really don’t know. But at least I like that pornography titles tell you everything you need to know so you don’t have to pick up every one to see if it has what you like listed on the back cover. I don’t know about the fact that all of those series go up to like 34, though. Like there’s a pornography reviewer out there who can really state that «Black Guys Who Love Large Butts 9 was an atrocity and made Black Guys Who Love Large Butts 24 look like Black Guys Who Love Large Butts 4, if ya know what I mean.»
In the end, I let them keep my dollar. If I ever am in need of something very specific in my pornography needs, I would come here for the variety of selection, but I’d be in and out in 4 minutes and avoiding the noisy glory-​hole-​filled back rooms like the plague.

I’m not opposed to glory holes, live and let live… but the pee, shit and blood in the booths are a bit much eh?
Use to wrk on the same block and we’d watch people wander in and out, we clocked one old troll at three hours… WTF!

Calling Te-Jay’s a bookstore is like calling the Sybaris a spa. The closest thing to a book in here is the Best of Juggs Annual Collection. There are a couple of racks of magazines, most of which are shrink-​wrapped for your protection, and some of which are sold in discount three-​packs. Rather than a bookstore, Te-Jay’s is what those in the know call a boothstore.
A boothstore is an adult bookstore with magazines, videos, and related products — dolls, dildos, lube — up front, and video booths in the back. There are «preview booths,» where you can rent a video and watch it in a room in the back. I don’t get the benefit of preview booths, unless you can’t watch your rental of Mandingo Gang Bang at home, due to Mom or The Wife. Then there are two varieties of «arcade booths.» In arcade booth, you feed in tokens or quarters — or at Te-Jay’s, dollar bills! — and can scroll through a series of videos. Generally you have a choice of a dozen or so movies: straight, gay, perhaps a couple of bi or fetish films. At Te-Jay’s, you can choose from more than a hundred. That means you can easily scroll through your first dollar saying, «No. Uh-​uh. Maybe. No. That’s interesting. No. Oh My God! Maybe.» Fortunately, the gay movies and the straight movies are at opposite ends of the band — lower numbers for straight, higher for gay — so once you find your sweet spot, the navigating is fairly simple.
As I said, there are two types of arcade booths. As you walk into the back, the booths along the right wall are private booths. They are designed for one patron at a time — as the signs tell you! — and comprise both preview and arcade booths. The booths along the left wall are also meant for one patron — and are small enough that two would be a tight squeeze — but come equipped with glory holes. If you are not Vaughn, Filly, or Mike T, you may be unfamiliar with the concept of glory holes. A glory hole is a hole cut in a wall between two supposedly private spaces — video booths, rest room stalls, office cubicles — to provide access through which one person may view and/​or «pleasure» another. Is that clear enough without transgressing the TOS? If not, PM me. In most cases, glory holes are rather makeshift affairs, carved out by ambitious patrons using keys, nail files, or Swiss army knives. Not so at Te-Jay’s. These are professional affairs, cleanly drilled and arrayed at two levels, for taller and shorter men, I presume. Each booth is also outfitted with a tiny chair, which saves the wear and tear on the knees. How considerate! There are six booths with glory holes, so obviously 2 through 5 are the most active, providing, as they do, access on two sides. This is only an assumption, of course, since personally I have never made use of a glory hole.
With its convenient location on the Near North Side, Te-Jay’s is particularly busy after work, and during the lunch hour, for «nooners» and «business lunches.» Along with the video booths, there is a restroom, a pleasant convenience. If they added a Starbucks or a McDonald’s Express, you could make a day of it. The only drawback with the back room is that it is bright, bright, bright. Most boothstores paint their arcades back and keep the lighting dim, because as in sketchier diners, you don’t necessarily want to see what you’re eating. At Te-Jay’s, the walls are white and the lighting is high. On the other hand, the staff doesn’t really care what you’re up to back there, as long as you don’t burn the place down, so that’s a bonus.
In addition to the arcade, Te-Jay’s sells DVDs and erotic accessories. It’s a not a large store, but they have shelves and shelves and shelves of DVDs, aimed at a variety of tastes and fetishes. DVDs take up much less shelf space than videos, and Te-Jay’s takes advantage of that fact, packing ‘em in like the proverbial sardines. It may take some time to find what you’re looking for, since beyond general categories, there was little order that I could discern. But if you’re looking for a matchup of grannies and furries, there’s a good chance Te-Jay’s has it.
The most surprising thing about Te-Jay’s is outside the store. At the entrance of this porn store is a beautiful and intricate mosaic announcing the Illinois Terrazzo and Tile Co., which I assume at one time occupied this location. It’s weathered and worn, but its former glory is still apparent. Unfortunately, in its current context, it’s like a crack whore wearing Chanel.

This place looks so sketchy from the outside and there’s always people lingering outside but its open 24 hours so I guess if you have a late night craving for an adult book this is the place for you. I think there are better stores to browse around up north