Dillinger’s Tavern

I’d like to give Dillinger’s a 1.5 or 2 star review. It’s a dive bar. It is what it is, right? But the unusual events of our lone visit demand a 1 star review.
I’m also trying to update Dillinger’s classification. It is not a restaurant unless you consider opening said can of Spaghettio’s that is god knows how expired to be «Restaurant cuisine.»
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The term «dive bar» gets thrown around too much these days. Dillinger’s Tavern is a dive bar in the truest sense. Upon walking in my buddy and I were hit with the stench of cigarette smoke. That’s right… Dillinger’s doesn’t enforce the smoking ban. The bar itself was quite long and can seat probably about a dozen to fifteen people. There was also a juke box, pool table and some smaller tables at the other end of the building. The lighting was pretty dark which I’d expect in a dive bar. The beers on tap were Bud Light which they were out of and some sort of Amber (I’m guessing Hudepohl…) but the bartender discouraged us from ordering one because the keg had been on tap for around four months.
We opted for bottled beer instead, ordering domestics and not humoring the bartender for a beer list or asking about imports or microbrews which I’m sure they wouldn’t have. The beers were fairly priced ($ 2.50 each) and we also ordered a can of PBR to fully absorb the experience ($ 1.75 per can).
Dillinger’s has one older bulb projection tv in the corner of the bar. Despite the Olympics and college basketball being on the bartender decided the few patrons would be more enthralled by watching Cash Explosion. Not really…
They don’t have a grille or restaurant but likely serve bags of chips or slim jims or something. There was a microwave at the end of the bar with a can of Campbell’s tomato soup atop and a can of Spaghettio’s. The label on the soup can was so old that I recognized it was different from the labels that I am used to seeing at Kroger’s.
There was a jukebox that was playing a mix of old country with some hip hop and R&B peppered into the songlist. My buddy said the bathroom was tiny and poorly maintained and I believe him from the looks of the rest of the joint.
The elderly couple who was smoking quickly struck up a conversation with us as they were excited to see someone who wasn’t a regular customer. They turned out to be pretty decent folks and were just having a couple of drinks. Fair enough, right? Dive bar, low key people. Typical, right? No harm, no foul in my book.
Well, that was until some dude named Kenny walked into the bar. We happened to be sitting right at the entrance and this guy just walks in sneaking in a can of Four Loco and interrupts our conversation to mention how he just got beat up by four of his former buddies. He proceeds to show the bruises on his face and lights his cigarette lighter to show where he was stabbed in the palm. Kenny proceeded to tell us about how he’d served time in prison, fell in with the wrong crowd, beat people up and essentially was a total P.O.S. of a human being. He did mention that he was trying to turn his life around but he just kept rambling. My buddy and I were just frozen and nodded our heads. I find it amusing that people who are emptying the skeletons from their closets to complete strangers never pick up on the fact that they are making things very awkward, uncomfortable and downright frightening for the poor souls trapped in their conversations. Kenny proceeds to tell us it is his birthday and then tells us how and why he got beaten up, yadda yadda yadda. This was a very awkward five or ten minutes of incoherent rambling.
Fortunately for us the bartender put on «Kenny’s song» which prompted Kenny to walk down to the other end of the bar to say hello. Thank you, Mr. Bartender, as I’m sure he noticed how uncomfortable we were and was kind enough to give us an out. Dillinger’s doesn’t take credit cards and thank god they don’t. Since we already paid cash for our beers we took the opportunity to immediately grab our coats and get the hell out of that place never to return. We will never, never, ever, ever, ever go back into that bar. I suggest you don’t visit a first time.