Freeze Fire Parlor

Freeze Fire has been closed for more than 2 months. There is a sign claiming that a re-​model is happening, but looking inside there is no visible evidence. I was looking to stop in and try their pizza when I discovered this. I live close by and drive by their location often and I keep looking for signs of activity. Alas, nothing has changed.

I read with laughter the review by (ONE REVIEW) Kenneth K. as there is no doubt he is either a great creative writer or the competition. Back in high school I received an A in creative writing and my teacher told me I should become a police officer. I doubt Kenneth is a police officer so he must be the other.
Anyway, I have eaten at freeze fire and found the pizza superb in every aspect. I love the slightly burnt crust from the fire oven they have. I found the staff and owner extremely in tune with the customers request and service.
Clearlake is lucky to have a great place like freeze fire pizza.

I love the old world allure of sweets and savory pizza. I’m familiar with the Napolitano style pizza but have never had a chance to explore it as often as I do here. Pair that with any flavor ice cream or root beer float and its a lethally delicious lunch or dinner.

The pizza here was absolute shit quality (I shall get to the specifics later). A group of seven people (Including myself) had ordered two of the largest sized pizzas possible on the menu, one pepperoni, and one Hell Burnt… I think that’s what it was called anyway. The wait time was long, not TERRIBLE, but long.
As the waitress came out to serve us our first pizza I had noticed that the serving tray, made of cardboard, was very small. When the pepperoni pizza had reached the table I had noticed several things: A pizza big enough for three, it was bathed in grease, it was OVAL with tumors of puffy burnt cheese, and was black in several places.
When our server left we all took our respected slices (One per each of us). I was the first to take a bite and knew something was wrong. My plate had smeared black grease all over it, along with my fingers, and the taste of it made me instantly regret waking up today. I looked to everyone and simply shook my head «No» as I couldn’t speak. As everyone started eating they all experienced instant regret, terror in their hearts. It tasted of a burnt lasagna, which had been allowed to fester on the stove for two days (I know this from first-​hand experience, I am sorry to say). All of the party began to instantly complain about the pizza, speaking loudly enough for the staff to hear our disdain; the waitress even asked if we were okay. Maybe 10 or 15 minutes passed and we got our second pizza, the Hell Burnt pizza which was in much the same shape as the last.
My sister was the first to plunge in this time. I was talking with my friend at the current time so I could not see her initial reaction. As she had explained later, she had to actually fold the pizza and SQUEEZE it to drain it off all of the grease, leaving her plate completely moist. She adds to this that the chicken was SO overcooked it looked like sausage. «I have never had a combination of pizza that was so burnt, yet so MOIST with grease». After all of this torture we had decided to say fuck it, ice cream (Cuz this place also serves ICE CREAM, weirdly enough).
The reason I even gave this location a SINGLE star is because of the pre-​made, not touched by them, ice cream. The ice cream selection was not too terribly small for my taste, 16 in all.
We then all left in our respective vehicles. Mine was filled with «Oh my God, no» and «I am going to blow up the bathroom». When we got home my sister’s wife dashed to the lavatory. We had all attained instant diarrhea. With one bathroom it was quite hellish. My sister-​in-​law had gotten the worst of it all. Explosive vomiting and explosive diarrhea; my sister and I only experienced the latter. We all had our turns to expel the foul beast that was Frost Fire Pizza, yes, but the demon had laid SEVERAL eggs in our stomach-​womb. We all had a rotation. In-​law, Sister, Me, repeat. This went on for more than a half an hour. We had to periodically pause the new The Walking Dead in order to save our pants.
In short, never, EVER eat here.

Great Pizza for a reasonable price. Then got some ice cream to go. Would definitely come back here if I’m ever in Clearlake again!

Stopped in for ice cream on a sweltering day. Yummy ice cream and air conditioned dining area. Have not tried the pizza yet, next time. They have only been open for three weeks, we wish them luck. They are off to a great start.