The Spanked Puppy

And here is the counterpoint to Mad Taco (see previous review).
G and I were driving around Sunday morning, savoring our Maglianero’s iced coffee and hitting up yard sales, when we decided a mid-​day beer was in order. We were in Mallets Bay and I had never been to The Spanked Puppy, but having heard bits and pieces of lore over the years, decided to stop in.
First things first. This bar is loud. Everyone knows everyone and indoor voices are passé. Yelling across the bar to tables across the room for ten minute conversations is highly encouraged. We found a high top table and just shut up and watched.
A tipsy man outside was pantomiming vigorous sexual thrusting outside the large plate glass windows to everyone’s delight. A couple of 20-​something women didn’t even try containing their fascination of us, the outsiders, making me feel somewhat like a Bonobo on display at the zoo.
Truth be told, people were just getting shitfaced hammered. At noon. On a Sunday.
And that’s about when I realized that I liked this bar. Sure, I might not have a whole lot in common with the regular clientele. But we were smiled at and treated nicely.
And from what I’m told, they have a very cool setup out back in the summer including bocce, corn hole, and a pool table. So I’ll be back for sure, with a dedicated DD, and ready for anything.

«Yikes». That is what I thought as soon as I walked into this place.
«Wtf.» That is what I thought when a grimy looking man came up to me and asked me if my mother frequents this place because I look just like I could be related to one of the regulars… as he stroked my arm with his calloused hand.
«Barf». That is what I thought after my boyfriend got his cheeseburger sliders and was interrupted 8 MINUTES later (*note: enough time for him to have eaten all of them) by the cook who said, «You know, I think I’m going to take these back and make you some new ones. They just didn’t smell right.» !!!
«Honestly?» That is what I thought when the cook came back out with new sliders and told my boyfriend that she is «new at this whole cooking thing.»
Umm yeah, we definitely will NOT be going back there again.

I was driving through on business and felt compelled to stop off here.
The only reason being; I wanted to understand what the difference was between spanking a puppy & spanking a monkey.
I never found out but I did get pretty shitfaced.

Most of the year, the Spanked Puppy is a white-​trash bar if I’ve ever seen one. But, during the summer, it’s Burlington’s best-​kept secret. There’s a huge patio out back with a Japanese garden (in Colchester? Who knew?), a bocce ball court, and the only outdoor pool table I’ve ever seen. There’s a window on the back of the building to serve booze outdoors, and inside, there’s some greasy food to go along with that cheap beer.
Sure, the crowd may be missing a few teeth, but «taking things outside» here isn’t a threat, it’s an offer you can’t refuse.