Hineygate

I really haven’t had a good time at Hieney Gate in quite some time. People come from all over Ohio to drink in a Holiday Inn parking lot with a thousand wasted strangers — most of them sloppy drunk dudes. Sounds like fun, right?
This was THE spot for pre– and post-​game drinking back in the day, and even a good place to watch the game on the giant screen. Now it seems that the HeineyGate crowd is slowly morphing with the State Fair crowd, and more often than not I am out of there in a mere matter of minutes.
I don’t know why I have this sudden disdain for Heiney, but don’t get me wrong — it could be much worse. The beers are rather expensive, but they are everywhere on Lane Ave. on gameday. For some odd reason if I am going to be surrounded by that many wasted obnoxious heathens I would rather be giving Varsity Club my $ 5 per can’o’beer.

While I don’t quite harbor the hatred for sport I did as a gothy pale teenager, I’d be lying if I said I often watch sports or– sorry, Columbus– enjoy being in large crowds of sports fans engaged in an orgy of shouting, drinking, and cursing.
I’ve viewed Hineygate from both sides: I worked it as an employee of the Holiday Inn on the Lane that hosted it, and I’ve gone back as an observer, to see how the other half live as it were. I was horrified both ways, and for very similar reasons. At least when I was simply attending I didn’t have to wade through the post-​Hineygate detritus, the flowing pool of urine, vomit, and beer, the dozens or hundreds of dropped and forgotten cups.
As not much of a football fan, even for my «hometown» Buckeyes, Hineygate is mostly a haze of mediocre music, confusing sports lingo, and overpriced beer and food.
I guess if you like to tailgate with hundreds of other people all crammed into a fenced-​in parking lot, well, here they are. It’s a bit hot, gross, and smelly for li’l’ ol’ me, though.

Okay I would be lying if I didn’t say I go there. Often. Only on game days of course. Any other time and that would just be weird but point is, I go and enjoy myself. BUT that is ONLY made possible (and much easier) with a few happy tart drinks and good friends. Honestly, take away the tart drinks and the good friends as distractions and you’d be left with annoying, obnoxious, loud intoxicated people who take no notice of invading your personal space, screaming O-​H– I-​O waaaaay too many times (and often during the ‘wrong’ times) and lines way too long for both the bathroom and more beer. In fact, the only lines that are decent happen to be the food lines because no one really cares about eating during Hineygate. It’s honestly great IF you WANT to be there but if you’re on the fence before you go, I would recommend watching the game from the Big 10 Network. A shout out for Time Warner Cable for pulling their thumb out of their bum.
ps. Did you know how Hineygate got its name? Perhaps I am the last one in the great city of Columbus to know this but it’s called ‘hiney’ (as in bum) to play off the word ‘tail’ gate. Interesting hey!!!

After I turned 21 and was able to go to Hineygate I found myself there at almost every home game that I did not have tickets for, over about a 2 year period. Then I moved to Germany and came back 3 years later, which leads me to this review.
I went a few times last season and it is simply just not as fun as I remember it. Sure the Danger Brothers still sound alright and there are a ton of really intoxicated people everywhere yelling OSU cheers, which can still be enjoyable. So what is my problem?
I think Hineygate is way, way too crowded, as soon as OSU started winning again more people came down to «party», it used to be during the Cooper years most people would leave Hineygate and actually go to the game, leaving behind a few hundred people to watch it on the big screen at Hineygate, with plenty of room to move around. This is obviously no longer the case; you can never move around, period, the entire time from start to finish you’re a sardine. To get relief you can not even leave b/​c then you are crammed on the street since Lane Ave is not open to walking anymore.
Second, its way too expensive, sure the beers are large and you get a free plastic cup for a day, but 7 – 8 $ a beer? I guess that doesn’t include all of the free beer you will have spilled on you by chockies that have come out of retirement for the weekend.
If you are bringing people here that have never been to an OSU game before then yes, for nostalgia sake take them to Hineygate before the game. But be sure to tell them about how tailgating at OSU used to be and how several hundred bad apples ruined for several thousand good ones.
^Earns one extra star for the way it used to be