Simon Delivers

Attention, people of Minneapolis: You have no idea how good you have it. The concept of delivered groceries originated here, in San Francisco. But, after the dot com bust, there is only one source for delivered groceries left in the Bay Area: Safeway. Whoops, I misspelled it, I mean Sucktastic.
Simon Delivers, on the other hand, is totally awesome. Their fruits and veggies are first rate, the selection is fantastic, and they virtually always have everything you order in stock. Plus, Simon’s website remembers your orders, so once you’ve shopped there a few times, you can put together the basics of your order just by clicking a few boxes (milk, bread, etc. etc.).
Plus, Simon lets you pick the same delivery window week after week after week, so you know exactly when your groceries are going to arrive. No guessing, no canceling plans last minute, just consistency and predictability, two of my favorite adjectives.
Simon, please come to the Bay Area. Please? Please? You can stay at my place. I’ll inflate the air mattress. Just bring your excellent service and selection with you. Oh, and if it’s not too much trouble, please put Safeway out of business and banish them to the eighth ring of hell where they belong. I’m asking this on behalf of every single one of their customers.
Okay. Call me. Please?