Roak on Kirby

I don’t very much enjoy writing bad reviews, but this place takes the word bad to a level of sickness. Just an overall terrible experience from the outside of the club. I got in with my friends no problem, but waiting for others to arrive. I observed some very disgusting human abuse that I would not want to affiliate with ever. Therefore I will never be going back or supporting this establishment nor do I recommend it ever. The doormen think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Its not enjoyable for me to be around such conceited people with terrible outlooks on life. It’s places like this that remind me that the world is not all rainbows and butterfly’s. These people are the epitome of racism and degrading human dignity.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Awfull! Very mean people! Used to be manage with another people! Now these cheese people are awful! They are very mean! The security has argue and its just wasting time to be in its line and pay 50 $ for entrance!!!

The

Me like.
First timer, showed up around midnight, stayed until two. Entry was easy, and the outside was pretty drama free, thanks to the pair of conspicuous HPD.
The club itself has an entry, which opens to the courtyard with the pool (handy for smokers, since this is technically outdoors), and then the club proper.
Clubs are clubs. Let’s try to hit the important points:
— upscale, pretty younger crowd
— fast, efficient bartenders
— fantastic people watching
— nice sound system
The dance floor is framed by the dj on one side, and the tables which require a bottle purchase. Walkways lead up the main bar, a walkway, and a secondary bar.
Here’s the interesting part: Despite being *packed*, maneuvering was easy, the bar was easy to get to, and the crowd was friendly in an aloof way. Frankly, I was impressed. The atmosphere/​crowd was pretty fantastic.
So why three starts? Two main reasons:
The girl taking cover charges helped herself to a tip out of my change. Literally shortchanged me. I didn’t make a fuss — it just wasn’t worth it, but I thought it was pretty classless. I know she did it on purpose, because she had that «errrrm» look when I looked at my change, then looked at her, and called her out on it with my eyes.
The second reason is the DJ kind of sucks. Jarring transitions and inconsistent bpm selections made it really kind of hard to zone out — it just kept calling attention to itself.
If this place finds a real DJ… it could be pretty special. Then again, as long as it keeps the crowd/​clientele it has, it’s a pretty solid venue.

Justin and Lui Guzman threatened me so I said, Ok do you know who I am I? I am just the common people but you will see this posted. Lui Guzman said, go ahead call the cops, you have been drinking… I will call you out. I said oh really…
So to the rest of us who had problems with Roak … our night started asian women3 vs 1 asian guy. Poor Justin said, I am sorry i can’t let you in because you have a guy. I said, ok I have never had a problem, I got in last time. he said the rule are rules.
So Lui Guzman, in a black suit with white tee shirt… I kid you not, shows up to save the save the day. He says no I give no trouble, but you screaming, I cannot get you not get you in (i thought he was our friend)…only to find out he wants my info to black list me and then threatens to say «call the cops, you have been drinking» I (by the way if this is taken down you know the reason).
Also I heard but cannot say I witnessed Justin taking bribes of 20 dollars or more to get GUYS (MEN) in, 20 dollars or more, that is a rumor…
So, as we are asked to leave, and get off their property. We ask valet for our money back. They refuse. They cite they are a different company. BY THE WAY IF YOU WANT TO SUE for the valet or the roak you know how to get your money back or contact me. So you will not get your money back for valet.
Here is Lui Guzman’s contact info, since he is the manager, feel free to publicly ask for him, I think he can handle it.
By the way, he asked me for my contact information so he can blacklist me, so Sorry Houston, You will not see me, but I will disseminate this post to all media, …so here it is!!!
Lui Guzman
manger
713−515−1082
3220 kirby dr
houston 77 098
thanks Lui
you want to blackliist everyone who disagrees with you, sorry that is part of being a manager… so here’s your info in public

I want to give this place a NEGATIVE 1 MILLION STAR!!! How are you going to invite someone to your facility and not let them in? It’s embarrassing. The door guy ummmm sir, your job is to filter out people who are not dressed appropriate for the occasion, not to turn away guest that are trying to have a good time, on top of that how do you turn away doctors and business men’s?. It’s was embarrassing.
I heard Asians weren’t welcomed there, and I didn’t believe it, and what do you know it stayed true to the rumor!!, and on top I that there is an asian door guy that is rude!
This isn’t Las Vegas, nor is it LA, chill out, you don’t have that status to be doing that!

This club is pretty poppin on a Saturday night. It was pretty much dead until clock struck 12 ;) then all the beautiful people came out to play.
Staff is pretty awesome– hosts & bartenders were great.
I’m from Los Angeles and enjoyed the ambiance here. Trendy crowd. Dresses, heels, suspenders and tucked in shirts haha! I like it

I used to love Roak and had I written my review a few months prior I would have happily given them 4 – 5 stars. However what I’ve seen here tonight leaves them gasping in 1 star territory.
Roak used to have standards. The crowd consisted of well dressed professionals and the overall feeling was more upscale than your usual Houston haunt. That was what I expected whenever I came here.
Tonight I came and saw a guy in FLIPFLOPS!!! Next to him was a girl in denim shorts and raffia wedges. That is not okay Roak. You used to have a good looking, well dressed clientele… What happened? I hate giving this place such a low rating but they either need step it up or this is going to go the way of a lot of the other clubs in town that died and eventually went out of business.
I will say this, unlike most of the other low rating reviews, I don’t have complaints about the staff. I’ve spoken to both Louie and Justin a few times in passing and they’ve both been friendly and courteous both times. Given Roak’s previous reputation for being exclusive, I find it so surprising to see that the standards have fallen like this. I know previous reviewers have commented on how they couldn’t get in, but that’s probably because they weren’t dressed up to par with Roak’s previous standards.

Literally the worst bar /​club /​whatever this wants to be EVER. Ugh the short
guy at the entrance with Napoleonic complex is the worst. Literally I hate this place SOLELY because of the bouncer. What a bad person /​bouncer

We came here because it sounded cool and because of the whole pool in the middle thing! But it turned out to be pretty rubbish because:
— there’s a pricey cover charge for guys
— very expensive drinks
— the music was bad
— no one was dancing
— the place was pretty empty
Maybe it gets more crowded later in the night but we left at 11 because we were so bored and didn’t want to shell out another $ 15 for a drink.
It could have been a cool place but they try to be too exclusive and the prices are ridiculous. Would not go again.

I want to throw up just thinking about this place. You know the feeling you get when you think a flying roach ‘may’ land on your head or something? Like the heeby jeeby shivers? That’s the feeling this place gives me.
I loathe, I despise, I truly HATE these kind of establishments.
I knew going in this place would suck. But, it was birthday girl’s after dinner party place of choice. I love her but her and I have WAY different opinions about where to spend our Saturday night. She is only 25. That may have something to do with it.
This place is pretentious, douchebag central. Girls and guys. So all of my party gets in (yes, the fact that I even have to say «gets in» is another reason I hate places like this. Seriously???) and it’s rather early. 1030ish.
My boyfriend (very cute and well dressed I might add) meets us there about 1145. They, of course, wouldn’t let him in. Last I checked he isn’t a white female so he was shit outta luck. I figured, well, since «I» got in easily (yay for being a hot half white female!) I just have to walk out and bring him back in with me.
Ha. No.
Asian door guy (who btw was NOT letting any cute single Asian chicks in either. WOW) said «You can come back in but I can’t let him in.» Are you serious??? I HATE these places. Why do people come here? I do not get it. I wanted to turn around and leave but Bday girl’s boyfriend at the time was my boyfriends best friend and he wanted in to hang out with him.
«Luckily», if that’s how you wanna look at it, I knew someone who knew someone ‘important’ in the world of this douchbag 30k millionaire club who let my boyfriend in.
Once we were all settled in… seriously? People clamor in for THIS %^$%#%#???
Never again. Ever.

I dont even know where to begin about this place. I should probably preface this review with the fact that I did not plan my Saturday night around coming to this club. After being surprised by some acquaintances that this is where we were headed for the night, most of my friends and I quick;ly realized that our going out clothes for a night on Washington or even midtown was entirely sub-​par for this club. Be warned, there is a huge sign out front that says 25+, and a «a judgement line» that I would have never been able to pass. Despite our attire (i was in black jeans and a dressy top) and after getting glared at by everyone in line, we got passed the sacred special ropes and skipped the line because our friends were already inside and had a table (which apparently is a must to even get in).
The crowd here was ridiculous. I felt like everywhere I looked I was being stared at either by a creepy old man who I’m sure had more money than he knows what to do with, or by everyone wondering how we even got in based on what we were wearing. I don’t know what all the hype is about this club. It was your typical loud club, with girls dancing on wherever they could, extra creepy old men, expensive drinks, and really expensive bottle service. I guess they keep people coming back because of the sparkler that the cocktail waitress has when she brings you your bottle…
This place is nothing special. Its just a place for people to flash their money… and quite frankly, who cares, good for you if thats what you want to do. Bottom line, If you want a shot at getting in, make sure you have a table, and definitely dress to impress,

I can’t say that I came to this place by choice but I’m not sure if clubs are getting worse or I’m just getting old. First things first, before Upper Kirby had a social life, this place was a Funeral Home next to a piano store. I don’t think the funeral home had a swimming pool however.
For the life of me, I can’t imagine anybody going clubbing and taking their swim suits, a change a clothes, and towls with them so maybe it’s a summer afternoon thing. I don’t get it, but then I mentioned I’m old. We had a cab so we didn’t worry about parking but they have valet and it’s probably expensive.
As for the crowd… well, hrm… how should I put this… it’s more of a type who don’t look like they’re having fun, but want to go to an exclusive club so they can say they went there. Also, you’ll probably meet a lot of «investment bankers» who want to show you their car.
Music– exactly what you’d expect — whatever cheesy popular dance song is on the radio now including Gangnam style. No, really.
gimmicks? well, I’m not sure why, but the night we were there, the waitresses were dressed like 80’s style oompa loompas. For tables with bottle service, they’d get a fire cracker to go with it too. That was kind of cool.
Sooo if you’re a club person, check them out. If you’re not, don’t?

Our friend got bottle service at this place last Saturday night. I liked that people seemed to be friendly there and not snooty. Wasn’t crazy about the set up (¾ of the club is tables for bottle service with a little teeny dance floor). The crowd was good-​looking twenty and thirty something which I thought was nice. There was some drunk dudes in the table behind us being way obnoxious but those you shall encounter everywhere. Overall I think it’s a fun place for a Saturday night if you have the bucks to cough up. I don’t think it would be *as* fun without bottle service though, so there’s that.
Oh yeah. Doorman was a jerk.

I’m well past my club days (I think), but when it’s a friend’s birthday or something big worth celebrating, Roak is a great spot. I’ve only been here a handful of times, and each a different experience. You can hang out in the front lounge or by the pool and actually have a convo with friends — or, you can hit up the dance floor in the back and pop bottles, drop it like it’s hot, and whatever else it is that club bunnies do.
If you do go on a weekend night and with a big group, I’d highly rec reserving a bottle/​table ahead of time, as the doormen can be extra picky about who they let through they’re golden gates.
Oh, and there’s a pool, for those of you who are in to the Sunday Funday shenanigans.

There’s a first for everything. The other night was my first — but probably also my last. It’s a cool place for the select few who can A) actually have the patience and tolerance to wait for the discriminatory (sex and race) bouncer guy to let you in B) enjoy the company of orange people (so many fake tans!) C) spend the big bucks on their clothes and then their drinks.
Which reminds me — the girls there are pretty annoying. The worst being those that bring their $ 2000+ handbag thats like a freakin suitcase (as my friend referred to them) ! We all noticed and get that you intend to show it off, but a club is not the time or place to have that because it’s just ramming into people without you noticing!
*Sorry for the rant, folks*
The crowd was interesting (both in a good and bad way). And with all the reasons above, i won’t be back there any time soon.

1) The reviews on their racist policies are spot-​on. Two white girls (us) got in without a question. The Asian couple right in front of us got to play 20-​questions («Do you know someone in there? Do they have a table? What’s their name?»). That said, we met a group out and they had 2 minority guys in their group of about 7 – 8; they didn’t mention any issues.
2) Despite the racist policies, I saw multiple guys inside with Affliction t-​shirts on. That’s right. AFFLICTION. T-​SHIRTS. So don’t worry, you can totally buy your way in, which explains the guys and gals here pretty well: All the class that money can buy!
3) At one point I watched the bartender make me a drink that had barely a dash of alcohol in it. Apparently he thought I’d be cool with paying $ 7 for a glass of OJ. I took it to another bartender, asked him to taste it, and once he had he made me another drink without question. Had I been a little more drunk I would’ve been ripped off. Same bartender started out the night telling us there was a $ 20 minimum for tabs. Mentioned this to the other bartender and he let us know this absolutely was not the case. I’d wonder who is right, but really, who cares? Untrustworthy scam artists work here apparently.
In short: This place has given me my yearly fill of pretentious douchebaggery.

Without a doubt, the joint is bougie but that’s the point. IF you can get in, it’s definitely what’s missing if you’re looking for nightlife in Houston. It’s basically where the wealthy play and hunt for «prospects,» whatever that means. Decent music but the vibe definitely has the Vegas/​Miami vibe. All I know is that there is a lot of money walking around in that joint and the fact that it’s 25 and up, it’s that kinda scene. Not to mention you don’t know what celebs you’ll run into if they are in town here. Great mix of indoor but also pool patio scene as well. It’s the place to be seen if that’s what your looking for in your night for sure. It’s fun to experience but unless you’re connected with that scene, expect to just be waiting outside unless you look a certain way.
Don’t expect to get in though if you roll deep or don’t dress to impress.

Want to know a secret?
This is the HOTTEST dance club in Houston.
If you’re familiar with vegas style clubs, this place resembles XS.
The bouncers are really cool guys, especially Louie. I saw some BS reviews about not being able to get in, well just DRESS UP. If you’re properly dressed they are more than willing to let you.
Once inside this place has the top décor in town. The music is poppin, mostly top 40s with a good mix of dance remixes.
Everyone inside is beautiful. There is so much eye candy you wouldn’t believe this club was in Houston. You’d think you were on South Beach or in LA.
They offer valet or you can park in one of the lots nearby. Valet was $ 20, but well worth it for this area.
Yes, there is a freaking POOL. It’s open air so with the weather cooling down this is the perfect spot to hang out.
The bartenders are fast, drinks are expensive but to be expected.
Forget Washington, UPPER KIRBY, is the place to be.

Funeral home. Why?
My group never made it in. We were a mixed group, but apparently we were «too large of a group to get in??» there wasn’t even a line outside! Pass.