Thirsty Turtle

a true dive bar that has a lot charm. try to stay away from calling a place a dive since the term is overused and too frequently applied to neighborhood bars, however it fits the turtle. good mix of people there to have a good time, play darts, socialize, & some just to get thundered. donna the bartender is one of the best. service with a smile & in my case, a question, «first time here?» guessing that’s because she knows everyone else in the bar. overhead her tell one drunk dude when he tried to pay for his fried mushrooms, «That’s two fives sweetie, I coulda just took ya». she’s the real deal.
doors on the north & south sides. south is dart and game room that can get packed if league or open night. north side is a dimly lit, disorganized, medium sized space. bar itself is an L-​shaped bar in the SW corner of the room. maybe 10 – 12 padded stools. black laminate bar top with a classic wooden rail. bar face is darker green with a boxed foot rest. the bar back, old school clear coolers that recall carry out beer. liquor bottles shelves next to the coolers. the food is what you’d expect. average bar food that is mostly fried.
fun crowd, a few drunks, & a great bartender.

How has this place not yet been reviewd? MIND-​BOGGLED! This is a place that I love because it has an extremely high people watching entertainment factor. None of my friends will ever go back more than once and It’s too sketchy to go alone, but dammit, man, I do love this place!
The thirsty turtle is a shitty dive bar. It isn’t scene or putting on the appearance of being a dive bar… it’s the real deal. And hey, maybe that’s why scenesters that like scene dive bars don’t wanna go here. It’s a little gritty. I once ordered a long island here and the tender pulled a container of sort of glowing green liquid out of a cooler, poured it into a cup and gave it to me. Ok… that’s not a long island, sir, but I shall drink it anyway, for it is booze. I got so wasted. I don’t know what the hell that stuff was, maybe it was anti-​freeze? There’s no telling. They have lingerie shows there on tuesday nights. You can go check out some pock-​marked, middle-​aged, ‘too old and tired to be a stripper’ type of ladies in their underoos while you sip on some antifreeze.
they have karaōke there! I sang ‘guilty feet’ by the hit songmaker, george michael (no relation to the bluth’s). After I sang, a leather daddy going by the name of «Pebbles’ was next. The dude was mid 30’s, body entirely shaved, about 400 pounds, and all in leather and spikes.
Another time I saw a man dancing on a table. It was a sort of tall bar table, so of course he fell. Everybody was wasted and he was in a flannel, wife beater, trucker hat, skinny jeans and cowboy boot ensemble, except he didn’t look like he listened to built to spill or nada surf so much as he was just wearing his regular clothes and was fresh from the hills. And frankly, I prefer that. He got up and did an irish jig on the table for some adoring ladyfans. Ladies with perms, scrunchies, silky shirts with ruffles and stains on them, tits hanging out, skirts too short and too tight to cover their asses. It was awesome. Were the stains breastmilk? I find it likely.
It was awesome because everybody was completely themselves and not taking themselves seriously. The drinks were neon green and cheap as hell, the scene was shady and a bit sketchy, and the whole experience, every time has been nothing but bizarre and beautiful. I love this place and think it’s a great time.
You should go!