The Rapture

I waited for The Rapture and all I got was this lousy T-​shirt…

Waste of time, waste of space. Welcome to my list.

Not enough Kirk Cameron.
Though for all we know, it may have been prevented, likely by the late Macho Man

Really though, I assume God wants to see how that whole «Taking his talents to South Beach» thing works out for LeBron.

As Raptures go, this was a major disappointment. I was all set to see piles of empty clothing on the ground, people flying up to the heavens, dogs and cats living together, apocalypse type stuff. Nothing! All these self-​professed believers are still here, but now they’re suffering not only from delusional visions of a great non-​event, but also must be going through some serious soul-​searching about their faith. Hey, that was a pun.
My disappointment lies with the fact that now there aren’t millions fewer people crowding the planet. I was also thinking about taking a car or two from the Raptured, seeing as they wouldn’t be needing them anymore. Sigh… oh well, probably be another End O’ The World rolling around in a few years anyway.

All the hullabaloo, brightly colored T-​shirts and promises of bitchin’ waves, and the only person claimed was ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage.
That’s the last time I buy ripe bananas.