Billionaire

Since this store first opened around the week that Art Basel began, I actually thought it was a spoof, something dreamed up by the satirical art world to make fun of the phony money that is Miami. Well, I guess I was wrong, and only in Miami would such a superficial and unattractive concept be placed at the heart of what was once was a very cool neighborhood (and will be again). Give it a year, it too will pass as soon as this clientele gets bored with it — or more likely, goes bankrupt. Miami’s glitz and glam is generally nothing more than folks who have made a little bit of money and want to make sure everyone knows it. Losers.

Despite the flagrant tackiness of Billionaire as a brand and a concept, I must begin by complementing the real estate they’ve chosen for their American flagship here in Miami. The old Buena Vista Design District post office building has been the unsuccessful site of several failed restaurants despite being an objectively beautiful building situated in the heart of this hot, if contrived, neighborhood. Now, Billionaire Italian Couture has moved in and blinged this building out.
I first saw Billionaire carried at Harrod’s in London where I smirked at the name and it’s clientele. I had been shocked such a brand existed. At Harrod’s, it’s shoppers appeared to have tons of new money, poor taste and the insecurity complexes that underlie new money showiness: think oligarchs and despots. The brand has an affinity toward exotic skins (think crocodile trainers, stingray belts, or ostrich leather jackets), busy prints and trims, with excessive bling. Imagine if the Italian brand Etro, known for its colorful but bold prints, got punched in the face by 1996 Versace. Imagine Liberace giving fashion advice to Liberia’s Charles Taylor.
In a town where Britto is considered art, it’s not surprising that Billionaire has found a home. But I do wonder: who would actually shop here? If money is no object, why wouldn’t one wear Tom Ford or Ralph Lauren purple label or Loro Piana or luxury that looks like luxury, not a sideshow? In terms of taste, Billionaire is the rich man’s Ed Hardy.
I’ve given this spot 2 stars for the sheer hilarity of it all, and for the amazing people watching I’m looking forward to the next time I’m passing through the Design District.