DeVry University Manhattan Center

In the months following September 11^th, New Yorkers were understandably on edge. Anthrax began showing up in envelopes delivered to congress. Suburbanites were getting sniped left and right in Virginia. Almost exactly a month after 9/​11, a plane en route to the Dominican Republic crashed near Kennedy Airport. Then, something happened that sent waves of paralyzing fear through the already-​shaken bodies of Americans. There was an explosion at the Devry Institute in Manhattan. Immediately, authorities ascertained that this attack had the hallmarks of Al Queada, and that the worlds most feared terrorist organization– with one cruel swoop– was attempting to snuff out our nation’s greatest intellectual heavyweights. The National Guard mobilized to protect the frantic academic treasures of nearby Chubb Institute. Sally Struthers convened an emergency summit to state that all online air conditioning courses offered by TCI would be suspended until the terrorists were brought to justice. As it turns out, Al Queada had nothing to do with the explosion at Devry. Rather, an amateur chemist and professional retard ignored basic chemistry priciples and mixed a lethal cocktail of KABOOM. When news of this got out, our nation breathed a sigh of relief; with the Free Toolbox Intelligentsia safe from harms way, we could once again pursue a sense of normalcy.