Hide-A-Way Cafe

Two words: Dive diner.
No bells & whistles, just heaps of cheap food and hot coffee. If you’re here for «atmosphere» just turn around and bolt. If you can dig a divey joint and all its simplicity, then settle in. But leaving crummy reviews because you had higher expectations for what’s clearly a dive diner experience… get over yourself!
Hash browns are crispy and the coffee is hot, nuff said!

We were told walk down two blocks and turn left so we did. Being early and no familiar we saw Café and thought hummmm must be it… opening the heavy door was enough of a feat in itself as we entered I found myself thinking interesting… the woman took our order and the ride started. We got coffee and waited… she brought out food to the table and just started talking and talking who knew she’s from Maryland and doesn’t call herself a Californian because they are different. Food wasn’t bad was just a greasy spoon breakfast. When another woman came in we saw that as our out. I must say it is what it is a dive dinner with «good bacon» an interesting personality and well the wrong place we were told to go but it was good. I must say reading the reviews makes me wish we coulda seen a few more customers come in.

Hey look, this place gets 5 stars FOR WHAT IT IS! And what it is is a dive-​diner. It’s run by Kim, who does indeed talk to herself a lot. Customer service skills are lacking, you say? One more time, with feeling… dive-​diner. Kim is not here to ask you about your politics, offer you WIFI, or use the word «artisinal». So, all that said, this is what she did for me:
1. She was open at 7am sharp on a Saturday
2. She had fresh coffee made, both Columbian and French roast. Not the greatest cup but actually quite good considering. A lot of «nicer» diners like Olé’s Waffle Shop in Alameda serves Yuban, Folgers, or the like.
3. She made me a perfectly serviceable mushroom, avocado, and cheese omelette with crispy hash browns.
Look, if you like your omelette made French-​style, small-​curd, with a moist center… this place is prolly not gonna work for you. She is a one-​woman show (say «locally-​woman-​owned-​and-​operated), and she’s been doing it for 10+ years. Dive-diner…say it! I got away with breakfast and about 5 cups of coffee for $ 10, gave her a $ 3 tip, and she thanked me profusely for it.
Yes, cash only, so just cope. And cash only is so retro!
(And one more last thing: her Health Department inspection is green. There are a lot of much more «upscale» places that can’t say that.)

I just want to say Miss Kim.
Your passion melts my heart,
Your eyes send me to outerspace.
Your hashbrowns seal the deal,
I remember what its like to wake up in the morning and feel a purpose
You have changed my life…
Miss Kim… Will you marry me?

As good as it gets for a hole in the wall café! I walk there a lot to pick up the homemade chicken noodle soup. Its $ 3.26 and tastes better than moms! As simple as you can get. Takes her 2 minutes to pack, charge and send me on my way!!!

This place is just incredibly awful, especially the woman running this dump. She has no customer service skills at all. The food tastes like it was scraped up off the bottom of Lake Merritt. And cash only? Give me a break! I wouldn’t recommend this place to anyone.

I agree with a lot of the reviews, Kim is definitely an interesting person and does have a passion for food and feeding you. I make it a point to stop here for lunch when I am in town. Some of the reviews stated you need to know what you want when you come close to the counter or she will scoot you to the side and take someone elses order. She is quick, friendly (although I think she is bipolar), and inexpensive. She is pretty much only open for lunch. You must go in there with an open mind and not take it personally if she yells at you. I would definitely go there for a burger. I have never walked out disappointed.

Interesting my first interaction with Kim, I had never been here before, even though I’ve been working close by for the past 2 yrs. I already knew how to deal with her and order stuff, so it wasn’t a big deal. The only thing she told me is to sit down and not look at her because she gets nervous. Burritos are good, I’m not too picky anyways…

My favorite part about eating here is watching new people deal with Kim. It is pure entertainment. Yesterday a guy was asking about what came with the quesadilla. He picked up on the routine when he saw me laughing in the corner. The last thing he said was «wow… I’m going to just stop talking»
Like the other reviewer said, bring your seatbelts with you! This place is straight out of a Seinfeld episode.
The food is pretty good and the portions are large. It’s an old style open grill diner. Kind of a greasy spoon. It gets cold in there because the kitchen is open and there needs to be ventilation. I see a lot of regulars from Coast Guard Island and surrounding businesses come regularly.
Kim: «…you don’t know me!» (one of her favorite sayings)
me: «no, Kim I know you!»
Kim: «no you come in here but you don’t know me!» :clearly exasperated:
me: «nooo I know you!»
Kim turns and walks into the back room without saying anything

Hideaway is just ok. I work nearby so I’ll get something for variety’s sake. The last few times the fries were mushy and instead of a slice of american on the burger she used a slathering of canned cheese sauce.
The salads, if you eat in, are better than you’d expect.
Big downside to this place is it’s cash only. There isn’t a bank ATM anywhere close. Nearest pay ATM is 7 – 11, but if I’m going to eat some ATM fees it’s better to go to Buttercup or Nikos.
Dealing with Kim is uh… interesting. I like bringing friends to this place for the Kim Show, but if I just want to decompress with the Express or my laptop, forget it.
I phoned in an order for pick-​up and was in the mood for onion rings. I ordered a burger and onion rings. She asked me who I worked for.
ME: «Uh, I work up the street? I’m going to pick it up, not delivery.»
KIM: «Who you work for?» she repeated.
ME: «Look I just want…»
KIM: «I ask you who you work for. We not have onion ring for many year.»
ME: «Okay, how about some french — «
KIM: «Who you work for?»
And my crazy tank is full.
ME: «Hey look I’m just gonna hit Subway. Never mind…»

This place is awesome as long as you know what you want, don’t look at Kim directly, stand to the side of the register, and most importantly keep your answers to a yes or a no sit your ass down and enjoy!

Not only is this place extremely convenient for me, but the food is delicious. I work right up the street. Since I was first introduced to this place I stop by almost every day for breakfast or lunch. Granted, the lady that works here is a little crazy and will talk your ear off if she isn’t busy, but she always makes you feel welcome. The prices are low and you never leave here hungry. I usually get the breakfast burrito in the morning. If I go here for lunch I get the chicken or beef teriyaki.

This place is all the way bananas.
Kim is ready for you — but you are not ready.
When you park — tear your seatbelts out of your car and bring ‘em with you.
You’re gonna need ‘em.

For this review, I thought a haiku most appropriate:
Hello, hide away!
How many item today?
You don’t know me!
Kim is one of a kind. She is also the one woman show that operates this greasy spoon. Here’s a survival crash course when ordering in person at Hide-​A-​Way:

1. Don’t stand there when you walk in (even though there’s a counter with a register and no waiter in sight to direct you or take your order)
2. know what you want, and by this I mean, know how many items (mainly) and what those items are (secondly). Somehow the amount of things that make up your order takes precedence over the actual names of the items that your order is comprised of.
3. Don’t act like you know Kim because as she so often reminds us, «we don’t know her.»
4. Get the teriyaki, it’s fair to middlin’

Kim’s great
excellent food at a low price spaghetti with meat sauce kicks butt

If you have not been here, you need to go, for the experience alone. Kim is great. She is a one woman show and will make you something ‘new’ every time you go and I guarantee you will be surprised each time you eat here. On a serious note, she makes great burgers, killer breakfast burritos and ginormous omelets.
Call in your order ahead of time if at all possible.
Those of you who have eaten here know what I am talking about …
«Hide-​A-​Way!»

Been driving by this place for years. Saw this on Unilocal.Prices and quality of food great. A ¼ lb hamburger with lettuce tomato, pickle, drink, fresh fries for 3.99.(1/3 lb .75 more). A great deal. cheaper than Mc Dees or the King. Kim is a bit loco. but gives character to the charm of the place. A bit dated place very clean and well maintain. Has cheese steak, veggie, fish. Many breakfast items. Go for the food and cheap prices. Be adventuresome.

Great little old fashioned café. Kim isn’t really a soup nazi, she just takes a MAJOR and serious interest in her food and she wants to make sure you order what she wants you to order.
I asked for a grilled cheese with wheat bread but she looked at me like I was a nutjob and told me I needed the butter-​flavored white bread, and THREE slices of it. She also gave us a huge plate of free fries. Sweet little Kim trying to fatten me up. It was all delicious. I’ll be back.

FOUR BIG ENTERTAINMENT STARS!
Dave and I are serious lovers of big American breakfasts and neither of us take the choosing of our breakfast spots lightly. Living on boats in the Oakland Marina is cool but near-​by breakfast nooks there are not. Not until Dave decided we should try this ‘tiny little place that’s hidden away’ — The Hide-​A-​Way Café — a tiny hole in the wall joint tucked away in the corner of the Beacon Middle School parking lot, directly across from Veronica Foods Inc. near the Oakland Marina.
The neon sign in the front window simply says OPEN. Once inside, we sit down, a bit confused at first. «Hash browns, you want hash browns?» is the first thing we hear from a woman yelling from somewhere behind the counter. I ask for a menu before I realize that there’s an aqua-​greenish menu board over her head with those tiny little truck-​stop white letters spelling out the basic offerings.
Can we have some coffee? «Coffee over there,» she yells, pointing towards a table with some coffee pots. «I get for you,» she says and now she comes around from behind the counter.
Rachael A’s soup Nazi reference and her review of this place is spot on! But it’s not that Kim — the one woman show behind the counter — isn’t friendly, she’s quite the opposite. But she has this abrupt way of doing business, speaking AT her customers, laughing loudly to herself while she’s grilling up food, for no particular reason.
«Want some more coffee? I do that for you, no problem. You don’t have to get up.» It’s like we’ve really put her out by drinking our first cups down to the nasty grinds.
Willy the local postman walks in with her mail and takes a seat. Up to now, we were the only two customers in here. Willy takes some of the pressure off of us as he catches up with Kim, waiting for his small green salad to go. «Happy Easter,» Kim says. «See you on Monday,» Willy shouts back as he heads back out to his mail van.
She whips together our breakfast in no time — eggs and an omelet — good and greasy. «Interesting hash browns,» Dave comments. Yes. And good value for less than $ 15 total, WITH the terrible coffee included. Glad that’s what she had in mind for us — hash browns.
In comes another first time food victim. You got French fries? Sorry. No French fries this time. Sorry… sorry, she says. Next time. We closing already. Where you work, you come back? The construction worker has no idea what’s going on. You take a chip. There millions of chips over there. Yeah, grab some chips with that checklist turkey sandwich.
Oh… ohh… OK! She keeps on talking… talking to herself behind the counter. I try and hide my laughter «What was your order?» she asks him. «I couldn’t hear, I was talking,» she says.
Now I can’t go to Costco, now its Jetro… one thing, HALF HOUR! She’s now in front of us, looking at us but Dave doesn’t really catch what she’s saying, neither do I. But I’m OK… no problem, I just have to work more. Soo much work. It’s OK, I’m ok… don’t get up. You can finish your breakfast. Fast… no. A good breakfast. You see that? Surreal absurdity abounds.
She walks back behind the counter and we can hear her now laughing to herself as she scrubsl down the gril, winding down her long morning of no customers. We now wait to pay as she scrapes and laughs, trapped in the eerie Hide-​a-​Way whirl. On the way out I see her ‘The Hide-​A-​Way Caf reserves the right to refuse service to anyone’ sign boldly taped up by the next to the exit.
«Happy Easter,» she tells Dave. «Happy Easter.»
(CASH ONLY)

The owner of this place, Kim or Pinky as we call her, is a one woman show. Don’t mess with her because with the snap of her fingers or glare of her eyes she can deny you service faster than the soup Nazi. She does things her way. She has her own flow and whoever crosses the threshold must adhere to it. Kim will probably scream at you, «WHAT YOU WANT?!» and you better answer quick. If you don’t, she will probably give you some sass or tell you to hold on and she will take another order. Once you place your order, she will probably go through a whole laundry list. For example, you say, «One turkey burger, please.»
«YOU WANT CHEESE?» um sure.
«TOMATO?» check.
«LETTUCE?» check.
«MAYO?» um «Light mayo, please.»
«OK. 10 MINUTES.»
All this and more in broken English. So you take a seat and wait for your burger as she throws it on the grill. It is very amusing to watch her interact with her customers. She knows everyone’s name and always has some type of comment. Sometimes she talks to herself and you think she is talking to you. If you reply to her, she will then scream at you and blame you for «confusing» her. Some people even call her the crazy lady.
Let me paint the picture of what this place actually looks like. First of all, if you don’t work within the 2 block radius you will never know this place exists. It’s old, it’s shabby, decked in brown and it has gated/​screen doors. Basically it’s a portable. There are signs from the old high school days that say something like «Only 3 students at a time.» The next door high school has been closed for years so you know that this place has not had a makeover… Ever. The clientele are warehouse workers, the coast guards, and school officials. Simple folk who want simple food and fast.
No one serves up a hot dish better than Kim. This may be a trashy looking rest stop but it has quite the variety of options. There is always a special of the day whether it be a plate of spaghetti, quesadillas, or some stir-​fry. The grilled cheese is really good (buttered toast filled with a thick slab of chedder thrown on the grill). She makes her own home made chicken soup with spaghetti noodles. You might even find pieces of carrot in there. Her hamburgers and turkey burgers are really juicy and hearty. Just go light on the mayo since she tends to really slap it on. The fries are thick and starchy. And when you just want some candy or a soda, she’s got a whole display fully stocked by the door.
It is always an adventure going to the Hide-​A-​Way. You never know what Kim is going to do or what she will say to you but the food she serves is fresh, home made, and honest.