Cheerful Tortoise

Great atmosphere and a great karaōke night on Thursdays. Plenty of TV’s for watching whatever game is on. Even when it was packed, it was still a great place to be and easy to find a spot to sit and relax.

If you enjoy being ignored by servers and bartenders, by all means, this is your kind of place. I stopped in to grab a bite and watch football. I liked what I saw on the menu but left without ever being acknowledged by a single member of the staff. There were at least three young ladies working and it wasn’t busy. I’m not surprised it was slow with the absence of quality employees that work there. I’ll not be back.

Don’t come here for coffee haha seems alright otherwise. Can’t expect a lot from a campus bar. Menu is fair, prices are ehhh. The smell was the only part I could complain about. It comes in waves and wafts.

They must have been having an off day when i went here last. The food was great, the service was speedy, and the pours were strong. Well done Tortoise, you’ve reclaimed your spot on the informal list of my favorite dive bars in Portland.

I went there once and needed to use the bathroom really bad. They wouldn’t let me use it unless I bought something. I purchased a cup of coffee which was poorly made. It was watery and they did not give me enough sugar to make it taste less bitter. When I used the bathroom, I noticed how unsanitary it was. The place looks worse than a dive bar. I understand it may be home for a lot of college students, but there are way better bars to call «home» and all of them let you use the bathroom without ordering something first.

Cheerful Tortoise puts out a good product. Semi-​dive Sports bar in the heart of the University District near PSU. They offer a nice selection of draft beer. They offer different specials, different days of the week for all — but it’s a bonus for students.
The last couple visits I enjoyed their wings. I like the dry rub style. Good meat and flavorful.
Last night my group enjoyed the Karaōke. A great space with a fireplace in the middle of the lounge.
My friends go there lately as a last call stop. Accessible, Good Service.

The smell is awful, reminds me of the TV show Bar Rescue. That the smell is like rotting liquids under the floors. It makes it difficult to drink out of their glasses.

Opens at 7 am Monday to Friday. Very little gluten free but was willing to skillet fry my hash browns. Uses a flat top Grill that gets shared. Otherwise it is a college bar.

This is near PSU — college town on Portland. Great little bar with pool tables and music. Food is a decent price (breakfast) and actually decent. The service this morning was excellent and the order was out through quick and great for the price.
Not my first option for choosing breakfast food but overall, no complaints.
The reason for the four stars:
Good service, decent prices for the amount of food.

Cheap drinks, good crowd, open late… I often see staff from other bars coming here after their bar has closed. Karaōke DJ is awesome and friendly (which seems rare in PDX). Pool tables, fire pit in the winter, and plenty of seating all make this place pretty rad.

This is going to be a good place for you to kill some hours and eat decent bar food and drink cheap beer. Had some Totchos. Yes, nachos and Tots… brain blown.
Only downside of this place is they change everyone in the bar $ 3 if you are there at 8pm on a Thursday night for a cover… even if you have been there since 630. Eh. can’t complain that much though, they serve $ 1 beers.
Good place.

I waited 20 minutes, in a bar with 3 tables occupied, just to get a glass of Merlot. I was with two co-​workers just trying to unwind after work. Out table didn’t get waited on until the bartender asked the server to check my ID! When customers walk into your establishment and you tell them to pick a seat. You should keep track of where they sit, don’t let them wait 20 minutes! Unilocal wouldn’t allow me to rate less than 1 star.

Beer… Is the only reason this place gets any stars. Service… As bad as it gets! When one hears margarita pizza, it’s safe to think that it’s a margarita pizza. Not a limp with grease cheese stick with no red sauce and extra oil. Seriously? That was the most unappetizing meal I’ve ever had and I was sauced! She then explains that’s what a margarita pizza is and I should have really read the menu… And tried to tell me she loves eating it. We won’t be back until they get rid of the rude trashy blonde and learn how to make edible pizza.

Meh. They have wing night on Tuesdays… that’s the only thing they’re good for. But the last two times they ran out of wings. Meh!
Not the worst, not the best. Decent location.

This is your typical college bar about a block from PSU. So if you’re into that crowd, then by all means… check it out.
Labeled as a sports bar, there’s quite a few TVs to watch sports. However, many of them are the size of copier paper and possibly from the 90s. Def not on my list of spots to watch future sporting events.
Back to my actual experience:
–Service was good (wasn’t super crowded)
–Beer was delish (and cheap!)

It’s one thing to be a dive, it’s another to be just nasty. As soon as you walk into the place, you get hit with a smell of mildew, old fried food, and last time I was there, dirty diapers. It seriously smelled like baby poop. I was meeting someone there so I sat and got a drink. As soon as my friend came, I asked if we could leave. I couldn’t stand the smell anymore.
The place COULD have charm. It has a lot of tvs for sports, a nice fireplace in the middle of the main room, and a huge bar. Lots of tables too. But they desperately need a revamp. And maybe a couple of glade plug-​ins.

Unbelievable! The Cheerful Tortoise just told us they threw our credit card away in the trash. Then the server said she didn’t know what happened to it. She comped our $ 20 meal. Thanks a lot. Now my brother is stranded in Oregon with no money or access to his Colorado bank. We asked for a manager. We then were made to wait for 15 minutes with no response. Then we went to the bar and they asked what we needed and we said «we are waiting for a manager and we have been waiting too long.» We explained what happened. She said the manager was talking to the server and chastised us for being frustrated. She said «don’t get angry or frustrated with me.» We obviously told her we had plenty reason to be frustrated. She was very confrontational and rude. Then the same person who chastised us came back and said she was in fact the the manager. She told us the server was going to look in the trash for the card. But the server continued working. The manager later said she couldn’t look because she was on shift. We have been here complaining for 30 minutes now and nobody is acting.
Update: The server was repeatedly apologetic. Though she initially told us the cards must have fallen in the trash, we later found out at least 2 other customers (probably more) had their cards stolen as well. The server told us the cards were within reach of the crowd and were likely stolen.
Through all of this, the manager, Lacy was extremely unprofessional, dismissive, confrontational, avoidant, and just downright rude. She told us to tell her what to do to fix the problem. We told her we didn’t create the problem and she should fix it. She then told us they would go talk amongst themselves and fix it. They just kept serving beer. I eventually chased her down and she told me that the server was searching the trash in the dumpster. But she was also in plain sight serving beer. 15 min later I chased her down again and she told me she was passing us off to the owner. I had to chase her down again to ask if we could get in touch with the owner or get the owners info and she yelled at us and told us that there was nothing that could be done and that we needed to forget about it. She chastised us for being frustrated again. She then walked away and turned to our server, telling her she didn’t «have to talk to us.» This was Lacy.
The server did come to apologize to us again and it was only then we realized our cards were stolen. She explained the situation and we realized two other people standing near us had their cards taken to. She apologized a lot and gave us the owner’s email address, her name, and the manager’s name.
We feel like the worst part of this scenario was the abysmal customer service by management. The server was left hung out to dry and the manager was extremely rude and unprofessional. She should have been the one to explain the situation in the first place, not the server. But she ran away from us to serve beer and was rude to us when we asked for her or confronted her.
That took about an hour after we attempted to pay. While we waited for them to «find our card in the trash» and be rude to us, the perpetrator racked up hundreds of charges on the card.

The Cheerful Tortoise will never be featured on Food Network’s «Diners, Drive-​Ins and Dives» show. While the Cheerful Tortoise is definitely a dive, the food is not up to par with the meals highlighted on «Diners…» The portions are small, the food is often bland, and the drinks are usually watered down. However, I still enjoy going to this place because (1) it’s cheap (2) you get fast and friendly service and (3) it’s cheap.
A good friend and I tend to hit up Cheerful Tortoise every other weekend. One afternoon we decided to grab a meal. After the server took our order, we waited a long azz time to get our food. We were surprised (as noted) they tend to have fast service. It turned out the cook had walked out in the middle of making orders. I guess he was going through thangs. Our server apologized and gave us some Cheerful Tortoise bucks to be used for a future meal. Another time we went and it happened to be karaōke night. I had a couple of dranks up in me, so I had liquor courage. I got up and sang a Mary J Blige song (I’m a groupie). I always have a fun and interesting time at Cheerful Tortoise. It makes up for the just okay food.
Update 4÷8÷15: I recently went to the Cheerful Tortoise and was shocked to see that they had raised their prices. What! Now they know their food ain’t all that to go from $ 4.99 dishes to $ 9.95 dishes. I guess they hope you will be drunk enough not to notice. But that can’t happen with those watered down dranks! Also, the new staff was meh. My server hovered about like she thought I was going to dine and dash. Then after handing me my change… hung around glancing at me. I realized she was waiting for her tip. How tacky. She lucky she got them $ 2 dollars outta me!

I have never been as disappointed with a French dip sandwich as I have been here. The au jus was tasteless. No beefy, oniony flavor, not even salty flavor. The sandwich itself was bland. A thin layer of horseradish would help.
The drink I had was alright. I had an Arnold Palmer. A touch too much lemonaid for the mix.

I love that this place is still in business. Cheap breakfast served fast. Great portions. Great service. Tip well, they deserve it. Beautiful part of Portland to sit and eat outside.
The bad reviews are more than likely from college students that are now sober and complaining about the drunk college sluts/​whores and a-​holes that come here… those reviewers are the enablers; in other words, they are more than likely the drunk sluts/​whores and a-​holes contributing to the problem.
This is a great smash-​and-​grab breakfast place in Portland.