Fez Ballroom

Does this place really exist?! Upon walking up 3 flights of stairs, we couldn’t even believe what we saw. Definitely different from Bay Area clubs. High school sr. prom gone terribly wrong. The bar didnt have napkins or water, it was half empty, music was okay, really weird place lol.

one of the «security» guards chasing after some guy down their stairs saw an opportunity to rub up against me! Very dissappointing!

Ehhh, where do I start? I’m not giving this place 1 star because I have friends that work here, and I’m trying to see the good in this place rather than let last nights experience cloud my judgement too much. I had just seen a comedy show not too far away, and I was meeting up with out of town friends here. I had stashed some mini liquor bottles in my sock for the comedy show I just came from, because I’m too cheap to pay for $ 10 vodka tonics;) Well when I got patted down at the door at Fez the little security guy asked what they were/​why I had them. So I explained I just came from a show that I had brought them to, but that I’d have no problem leaving them at the door with him. I understand that I can’t bring it in to the club, I get it. This little miniature security guard immediately got a not so miniature attitude and started barking about how he’s going to throw them away because it’s illegal, blah blah blah… The point is, he had a horrible attitude about it, and actually was kinda trying to act like a tough guy as if we were about to get in a fight over 2 little airplane bottles, rather than just being polite and nice about it. I think security guards/​bouncers these days sometimes tend to lose sight of the fact that they are also part of the hospitality element, and they need to represent their business with some integrity and tact. This isn’t a job for someone who wants to be a UFC fighter, and comes to work every night pissed off trying to prove something to the world. Anyways, with that said, we proceeded into the club and the hostesses were super nice, let us right in, smiled, introduced themselves. We went upstairs to the 2^nd level and stood at the bar… then stood at the bar some more… and some more, until the bartender came over to us and took our order. It’s only 10PM, there are about 12 people in the entire room, and this bartender is moving at world record slow pace. So we get our drinks, I ask how much, aaaaand he grabs a calculator and starts punching in numbers, throws that calculator down and grabs another one and starts playing with the second one, then he puts the second calculator down and stares at the ceiling for a few seconds moving his lips as if he’s struggling to do simple addition and subtraction in his head. Then he looks over at me and says «thirty two.» Haha, don’t know how he came up with that number because I certainly didn’t get a receipt. At this point I already know as soon as my friends and I finish these drinks, we are muthafuggin’ outta here!
After we finished our drinks, we were actually the only ones left in the bar, everyone else had left as well. I guess we weren’t the only ones:/ This place has potential, and maybe potential to win me back one day way far down the road. We’ll see!

Awesome place to have fun!!!

Never I would have to pay a fee to get into a club. In Seattle, ladies NEVER have to pay a fee to get into the club.
Anyways, so this place has 2 floors. The first floor that you come to plays hip hop and the latest music, and the second floor, plays nothing but techno.
Overall this place is boring.

just woke up with a headache cause of this place (more on this later)
Fez offers a very nice layout for a Portland club. It’s not as crowded as most places tend to get and you should be able to find a seat to rest for a minute. 3^rd floor has the main dance area, 2^nd floor offers a smaller «lounge» experience. the people there on a saturday night was a mixed group of people sot that was nice.
now. unto my headache.
the thing that can kill the whole experience easily is the freaking music. it was crap.
where do they get the djs!!! the first dj that i heard might have had some kind of personality disorder. the music was all over the place from one song to the next. not smooth at all. hence the beginning to my headache. the second dj started out ok for about 3 minutes and then all i heard was crap out of the speakers. let me explain my definition of crap: ghetto rap. yes. for hours ghetto rap was playing. it confused me why so many people were dancing to that shit. either people actually like it!!! WHAT!!! or the drinks they pour are stiff and noone cares about the garbage sound. 2^nd floor dj was not any better. i probably heard the worst remix of gangnam style possible. how does one butcher that song?!
anyways. Fez has the potential of being a very nice club. but, with that kind of music that gives me headaches i can’t ever see myself stepping foot in there again. even the cuties ain’t worth it.

I went to the Fez a month or so ago and enjoyed the space, dj and crowd. Tonight I called to find out what was the deal for Sat nights. I just learned at least at this time women get in free between 9 and 10 and it is $ 10 for guys and after ten (for women). There was actually someone there to answer the phone and my questions!

I was pleasantly surprised.
As I walked in the door I wasn’t so sure of the place at first, but when I finally reached the third floor the place had a nice vibe. The club had a nice light glow since the walls and furniture were light colored. So it wasn’t like your typical dark club. I loved the VIP area with the nice white sofa/​bed and white motif felt like you were in a modern living room house party. The mixed crowd was nice. It was not too crowded just the right amount of people. The music was OK. I didn’t have any expectations for the music since we came to the club on a whim.
I would definitely come back to the Fez.

What’s this??? I’m actually giving the OK for a club in downtown Portland!!! I must have the fever… the dancing fever.
I like Fez for a couple reasons.
1) It has multiple levels all playing different music. You don’t like the second level? Go to the third!
2.) The bartenders here are super cool and will pour ya a decent drink.
3.) 80’s night… check. House/​dance music… check. Each night of the week provides something for everyone.
Clubs aren’t for everyone… not even me most of the time. But I will say I have enjoyed myself here. $ 10 entry… meh. Lame. Dancing. Good.
This place has changed multiple times over the years. I even accidently showed up during one of their «kink» nights thinking it was 80s night. Whoops. Certainly made for an interesting time!

We went here on Thursday for Shadowplay! I am huge fan of industrial/​goth music, especially for a place that doesn’t have a cover charge.
This place was very clean looking, loved the billowy fabric that hangs from the walls and the seating of cushions and pillows.
There were some snooty people but that’s expected in Portland when your hanging out in a cliquey club, it was mostly just some short haired girls at the entrance.
They have good DJ’s (and cute ones), and we got to see a free showing of band (dead animal assembly plant). It was fun altogether.
Drinks are in mid-​range of price.
They get marked down a star though because the hand railing on part of their steps is about to break, so DONT USE IT. I was wearing very high heels and went to reach for it when going down the stairs, almost killed me and the railing. Fix your railing Fez!

Aight, updating my previous bitterpants reviews as I have come back and Fez is a bit more like the Fez it once was. The DJ plays a lot better music this last time around and it wasn’t too crowded & it wasn’t too empty — just right. And it had the classic Fez mixed crowd that often causes amusement. It seems like Shut Up & Dance is back — but who the actual DJ is I have no idea.
Plus, there was 2^nd floor in the mix this time around and it was… something. Not worth more than 5 minutes of my time if I recall correctly but it’s nice there’s options.
Drinks are… well I drink beer so it’s hard to mess THAT up. But they take cards & pour generous shots too.

Went to 80s night last Friday, and was highly amused with the crowd at the Fez. It certainly seems like there are regulars who are greeted by name by the staff there, so there’s definitely a «scene» going on there.
As an observant outsider, I found the music to be a nice eclectic collection from the 80s — of course you can expect Billy Idol, Michael Jackson, Madonna, etc — but also Softcell, Depeche Mode, Alphaville, and some of the early founders of the alternative music scene back in the day.
Everyone was dressed for the 80s — the 30 – 40 something men were fully T.P.D. (Typically Portland Douches) but dressed like Don Johnson (aka Miami Douches) and the women were equally sportin’ the look in the «not quite fat, but certainly not skinny» (Portland-​esque) way.
The drinks were strong, the staff nice, and the club has a good layout with comfy arabesque motif. Overall a good experience.

Why have I not reviewed this damned club? LOVE the lighting and the feel of this club. No matter the night you attend you will get a very diverse crowd which is great. Sure, like anywhere, some folks take themselves WAY too seriously but that is soooo small here. I will say, if you are not a beer person though like me and drink booze… drink before and then get water here. Drinks for mixed are overpriced, crappy and served up in plastic half the time. I love coming here, pouring ice cold water and sweating my ass off to great music though. I have also never failed to find seating here when I am not on the dance floor.

You know that scene from the first matrix movie, where that fugly woman with a hitler hairdo saunters into this dark scary club with industrial music blasting and sexually ambiguous dancing going on every which way?
You’re lookin’ at me like you’ve no idea what I’m talkin’ about… yeaaah? no?
Well nevermind!
This is the epitome of what I was lampooning a second ago.
I remember hearing the music before I was aware of where .(haha), it was emanating from. We rounded the block and there was this group, gaggle, cohort if you will, of late night revellers or possibly vampires smoking languidly outside the front door. We walked up to the icy stares and cooler-​than-​thou tudes of this set and naively asked them what the place was; some dude thought he recognized me from a foreign sounding club (which i was later to find out is an lgbt s&m club) and said hi, I smiled. The vamps then told us this was the Fez ballroom. I immediately thought of my beloved «FEZ» in Phx, I looked at my brother shrugged, he shrugged, and we gave our id’s and wandered in. Up and around a decrepit staircase we went, the music becoming louder and more ominous with every step, the further we climbed the more palpable sense of fear and curiosity I could feel tangibly escaping my body in cold sweat on my neck and hands. Into the gloom we stepped, and nearly everything is black, or the kissing monochromatic cousins of black– gray, ash, soot, iron, jet, etc. This is the club of the damned. With wide eyes and visions of our sunday school upbringing gone out the window my brother and I grabbed drinks and started to mingle. I remember the dancers most vividly, swaying hypnotically to the pulse of the DJ’s droning buzz and reverberations. Things got dizzy, I started to get shitty and the night browned out pretty hard. Suffice to say I was glad I woke up in the sweet comfort of the hostel bunk bed the next morning and not some vampirella’s coffin boudoir.
I would definitely check this place out again, but I will never forget my silver crucifix and lawn dart.

An awesome place to get your dance on if you like 80’s music, older folk, and a lot of space to dance!
PROS:
1. Only $ 5 cover.
2. Cheesy awesome 80’s jams! (if you don’t like 80’s, this would obviously be a con)
3. Two dance floors – one with more funky retro hip hop, and the other with traditional 80’s.
4. Projector screens with music videos to go with the jams!
5. Not too crowded.
6. Older folk with questionable attire.
CONS:
1. Not a great place to meet single, straight, young men. A good thing if you all have boyfriends already.
2. Not horribly crowded. A good thing if you’re okay with this more relaxed vibe.

**Edited to add that my one star review was for one specific night. I’ve written a few previous reviews as well**
Warning: snarky review ahead! I’m writing this while all is still fresh in my memory. Tonight (⁷⁄₁₅) was the worst night at Fez ever! It is supposed to be the 80’s/90’s Ultragroove night. My friend and I have skipped the last couple weeks but were going weekly for awhile. When we arrived, they were playing some kind of bizarre homemade very low budget looking porn movie on a curtain hanging in the middle of the room. I went and asked the guy in the booth what was on and he said he had no idea: he found the DVD on a table last night. Now I’m not a prude and I’m not bothered by porn… to each his/​her own… it just seemed really odd and out of place and not even visually appealing. He smirked and asked if I was offended and I said no, it just wasn’t very pleasant to look at. He ended up taking it off and putting on some type of screensaver thing. There was a different DJ tonight who just played a bunch of electronic stuff and other crap, but seemed to be having a grand old time dancing with himself on the stage. And then the other DJ who normally will play most of our requests came on and we temporarily had hope that our night would improve… but all hopes were quickly dashed. Someone, please tell me on what planet does a DJ follow Our House by Madness with Africa by Toto??? Anyway, this new «Ultragroove» night is not so groovy in my book. There is no cohesion at all to the theme. I hope they go back to Decadent 80’s at some point. They play pretty much no good 90’s music. The only redeeming quality of the night was that the DJ played a few of our requests. But even with that I can’t bring myself to give 2 stars for tonight. My friend and I were out of there before midnight. We want our collective $ 10 and 90 minutes of our lives back too!

LOVE: The décor. Reminds me of the underground clubs back in L.A.
LIKE: The staff. Not snobby or rude; really friendly and nice.
DISLIKE: The inconsistency in their «80’s Night» on Fridays. If you go to a club on a certain and love it, chances are you will return expecting something similar. Not true here– it is a total crap shoot and I find that irritating.
HATE: The latest trend of filling of the dance floor with more and more crap like dance tables no one uses, and tonight it was a totally random curtain that cut off part of the dance floor. STOP IT!

Bathrooms: Three single occupancy bathrooms on the third floor, and gendered bathrooms on the second floor.
Eighties Night: Two Stars
I came to the Fez with a friend hoping for an atmosphere where we could rock our socks off. Instead, the music was oddly slow, they played none of the songs my friend requested, and we were chased across the dancefloor by Creepy Lurching Guys. You know the the guys: no beat, no soul, just there to loom, lurch and lech at anything with tits. Now, I march to the beat of a different drummer, but at least when I go to dance it isn’t to pick anyone up: I’m just there to dance. I literally had to elbow a guy out of my friend’s space after the fifth time he tried to dance up on her — and she had made it clear she wasn’t interested in his attentions.
We left earlier than we might have otherwise, and discovered better music on our exit — in Aura, oddly, where whoever was spinning was ON and made the two songs we danced to there the best of the night. The looks that I got as the random visibly queer (tattooed) person (with funny colored hair) in the sea of Hetero-​ville that was Aura was entirely gravy.
The bright side of eighties night at the Fez: creepy guys aside, the crowd was infused with queer and alternative folk, making for a nice mix.
Performance Venue: Four Stars
If you come to the Fez to see a show, you won’t be disappointed. The space is intimate and seating comfortable (but make sure you show up early to get a nice lounge chair), and there’s a full bar right there to take advantage of. They get an eclectic mix of shows in, so the next time someone invites you to an event at the Fez, do yourself a favor and say yes.

«I forgot there was a reason I stopped coming here «sighs my friend.
I think that pretty much captures my thoughts on the place. However I wont be so quick to forget.
The Fez lacks enthusiasm.

The Fez: one of the reasons Oregon is so different, but still just as fun, as LA. Having given up on the hip hop scene in Oregon, I decided to step out of the box and try the 80’s with a few buddies at The Fez. I also wanted a reason to wear an orange plastic tennis shirt with grey tights. Yes it was totally suitable for an 80s club attire!
The music that night: A few songs I could recognize from Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, Madonna, some newer songs from MGMT & some oldies that happened past my time. There’s was a clipboard next to the DJ for song requests as well.
The dance floor and the crowd were fabulous. The dance floor was spacious with two loud speakers next to a leveled stage, and a projector above the crowd showing music videos& random clips on the wall across the DJ. The crowd was an odd, but splendid mix– everyone was dancing like there was no tomorrow! I saw a few girls in sequin dresses, in all black goth attire, & in outragous colors. I went back a different night and saw some man dressed like Elvis!
They also sell Absinthe for ~$ 10 a shot. I tried a sip from a friend, and I will tell you never again! Half of it was sugar and the rest tasted like tylenol with a ethanol-​like odor. UGH.
The 80’s dance party («Shut and Dance») happens Friday nights. I’ve never been to the club on any other nights. I almost walked into a «Weekly Goth/​Industrial Night» one Thursday and quickly left to enjoy the rest of my night at Powell’s.
Oh and the whole «not a meat market» thing the other reviewers mentioned is true– hence the 5 stars!