The Cracker Box Tavern

Do not go here! Worst customer service I’ve ever received in my life. I walked in the door to play video poker and have a beer and the bar tender stopped me and told me I couldnt use the bathroom. She said only paying customers can use the bathroom. I had just walked in the door and was planning on playing poker and have a few beers, she told be I had to spend money before I could use the bathroom. Most ridiculous thing I ever heard in my life. She was an Asian lady who said her name was jessi but might have been lying. I asked for the owner’s name and she wouldn’t give it to me. I asked for her bosses name and she wouldn’t give me that either. I’ll just call tomorrow when I know the boss will be in. I had been there over 50 times and never been treated this way, now I will never go back. Great job lady, way to chase off paying customers. Really brilliant! I would not recommend this place to anyone, it’s a total dive. Smells, dirty as hell, and worst service ever!

A little piece of heaven!!!
A little piece of heaven!!!
A little piece of heaven!!!
A little piece of heaven!!!

This place is a treasure. I give it two stars because it’s a true dive bar. It get 5 stars in my heart though.

Even though the Cracker Box is the sort of place I might head if I was casting for the show Intervention (or River Monsters), there’s something sort of awesome about it. Chica and I decided after having a fun night shucking the ocean bottom at My Brother’s Crawfish that we should finally drop into the Cracker Box, having had so many enticing drive bys where were thought «We should really try that place sometime, it looks priceless».
Beer is dirt cheap, and as professed in prior reviews, there are just a plethora of marine tchtochkies on the wall– to the point that it looks like the sea cave where Ariel’s bad-​boy biker Boyfriend might live had she not run off with the prince.
Bartendress was an awesome young lady with spicy hair-​do, and animated affect, who seemed to enjoy the ironic seeming environment she was working in, which made it quirky rather than scary. That is until our second visit, where we met a host of unsavory characters, including a nearly deaf guy, who had become this way from gun fire. Ultimately we left creeped out after in the midst of a friendly bar type conversation he told us about how he «was about to kill her, but then had a moment of calm» once realizing «I am a felon and so is she, so we are both gonna be f#$ if I keep this up, I thought to myself» (Talking about beating up some bar maiden at his house). Don’t ask how that even came up in the first place. All I know is one minute we were smoking the one cigarette a year I indulge in, and the next Chica and politely said our goodbyes, and ran for the car.
So, definitely come here and enjoy the cheap beer and fun people watching, but come in a crowd, preferably one with no attractive women, as things get a little dicey if the single sketchy men in here think there’s even the most remote interest.

Sometimes places let you down when you build up the hype. Cracker box does not.
$ 2.50 beer, cash only, no hard liqueur. I think I saw some Sutterhome, but I’m not sure. Sweet bartender, video poker, ceiling that has bubbled and water was dripping onto the table next to us. Sigh. Romantic date room for two.
I’m a sucker for a bunch of crap on the wall. Especially when the junk has a purpose. in this case, marine themed/​Tiki bar/​things we found.
The patio is rad. One part Hoarder back yard, one part meth nightmare, but wait, recycling boxes and a raised garden bed? 5 cigarette ash trays which are actually tuna cans? Is this the most sustainable bar in Portland?
Plus! A lovely gentlemen entrepreneur offered us cheep goods (Razor blades, Aveeno lotion, gift cards, camera, etc) from his magical plastic bag of deep discounts. We have to pass, good sir, another time maybe?
See you soon.

I went there alone a couple weeks ago, didn’t like it. It had a sad feeling, sketchy people who have given up on life seemed to be there that day. There was no where to lock up my bike. I think if I had been there with a small group it could have been fun but I don’t think I will go back. The interior is decorated with a kitchy nautical /​fishing theme. They have dedicated a lot of space to the lotto robots, I didn’t care for their beer selection, ended up drinking a hams. The one thing I did think was pretty cool was they had one table away from the rest of the bar in a tiny «room» behind swinging doors to the left of the bar, might be a funny place for a date.

Is this the best little hidden in plain sight dive in all of Portland? Can you beat a $ 3 pint of Dead Guy Ale? Have you spent an hour in the semi private «date corner» table with your special lady/​man friend?
Pool, television, gambling, real Portlanders, and the cheap Rockola juke includes plenty of Meatloaf and Queen. No food or hard liquor — but maybe that’d be asking too much.

I am so proud to be the first to review this gem.
Number One: If you live in NE Portland you have most likely driven by this little hut and seen the exterior, laden with dock buoys, reindeer, and far too many other quirky lawn ornaments to explain. You really need to see it with your own eyes.
My hubbie works at the Kennedy School, and I worked in NE so I constantly drove by wondering about the exterior, and the Burrito Bus parked outside… I finally stopped in one day at the end of summer much to my delight. I was met by a fire cracker of a bartendress, god I wish I could remember her name, but she had the longest nails I have ever seen on a white lady. I later recognized her amidst the 1000’s of pictures on the wall including one of the owner and Greg Oden, our cities famous trailblazer. She served me a $ 1 PBR from a deepfreeze right behind the bar, and explained the bar’s built in security system on their beer cooler literally 5 feet away, but in the back where anyone can sneak in without the bartender noticing… unless she see’s this long rod that shoots out with a feather faced mask attached shoot out over her head to the opposite side of the bar where patrons are on guard.
It truly lives up to its name with all the knick knacks, and random vintage stickers and memorabilia… has video poker and if you don’t feel like gambling, the Vietnam Vets and the dear bartender (whose name I can’t remember) will gladly watch animal planet with you, as you all marvel at the latest cool pet invention, the pedi-​paw. Great place for an arctic beer, an swapping stories!!!