Abbott’s Frozen Custard

If I were to ever get really, really fat… like fused to the couch or need a forklift to get out of bed fat… it would be on Abbott’s Frozen Custard.
My family would hire personal trainers and nutritionists, but despite all of the exercise of lifting my enormous limbs and waving them to and fro, my girth would continue to increase.
I would rationalize my overeating of Abbott’s by touting the nutritional qualities of the custard and emphasizing the importance of calcium in one’s diet. All the while, growing in size, until I became larger than my house. Then, larger than my city. Pretty soon, I would be queen of all of the lands and decree that Mr. Abbott of Abbott’s Frozen Custard by knighted.
Then, I would enslave him, along with the rest of the people in my kingdom, to make Abbott’s Frozen Custard for the rest of their days.
Lucky for you all, Abbott’s only exists on the East Coast, and I live on the West Coast. My reign as Queen of Custard will have to wait.

I tend not to like silly 1337speak but I find there are no words in the english language to express my deep felt love of Abbott’s. Since my early days I have relished each creamy spoonful, so all that there is left to say is:
ZOMG Abbott’s fscking rox0rs