The San Diego River

The San Diego River is normally somewhat placid and meanders from the mountains west to the mouth of the River which exits into the Pacific Ocean.
Once in a while, a sewer main breaks up river and the Dog Beach area gets slapped with contamination notices-​something that just recently happened with the deluge of rainstorms we suffered. The homeless consider the San Diego River channel to be a free camping area and many an «urban roamer» can be found calling some bushes along the River-«home.»
I am offering up a 3 Star Unilocal to the San Diego River because this River terrified much of San Diego on December 22^nd when it overflowed it’s banks and flooded a large portion of the Mission Valley area. I went down to film some of the damage for a story I was writing on the situation and was shocked to see just how unwieldy the River becomes when it rains a couple of inches in a few days.
Now The San Diego River Foundation reiterates that Mission Valley is a «flood plain,» and indeed, that is just what happened after days of saturating rainfall Despite the many office parks and shopping malls that have sprung up along the path of the San Diego River, it’s main purpose is to channel water and melting snow from the mountains to the sea. I will have to justify whacking off 2 Unilocal Stars here and I can do that by stating that my son and I had our minds blown by the muddy, brackish, swirling torrent that the San Diego River turned into the day it overflowed it’s banks and made a big mess out of Mission Valley on one of the busiest shopping days of the year!
Those poor terrified hotel guests over at Premier Inn had to rescued by lifeguards because they were trapped by flood water. Imagine all the bummed out people whose cars got swept away or overcome by the wall of water! I feel for the merchants who have held on in this bad economy-​hoping for a profitable Christmas shopping season-​only to have most access roads to the main malls blocked, flooded or impassable.
I have lived in San Diego just about my entire life and I have never seen this River turn into a Raging Rampaging Destroyer of all in it’s path as I had yesterday. So much for glimpsing this sedate waterway in the summer and thinking it benignly calming. I have seen the true face of the San Diego River and it is a frightening thing!

i was drunk again. and broke. and homeless, so i heads to old faithful, you damn right! if you know frank the flute playing pauper you know that all the residentially challenged hang out at the s. deezy river. that’s where the magic happens: begging shifts are given and corners are assigned while canned beans are cooked over an open flame still fresh in their rusty containers. busy sign makers huddle and think of catchy yet pity-​inspiring slogans to hold up as dirty needles from the night before are tossed in cracker jack boxes and set afloat as perhaps a treasure, to be found by a curious child further down the river.
but here is the 5 star kicker folks. you don’t think the homeless have secrets? do you think we’re really sleeping when you see us in libraries? think again.
the vietnam vets started it all of course, but we took it to a whole new level. we’ve been breeding fish while you normal folk have been forking over your hard-​earned money at the consumer traps that we’ve helped create. it’s true. not only have we established a network of fish farms with detailed geneologies, we’re breeding fish for a purpose.
we found that super heated fermented sewage, if allowed to be chemically altered with jagermeister, created a super intelligent fish able to walk on land. since then we’ve learned to do much more than that. do you think you are giving your money to a young college student when you go into best buy to buy that blueray copy of «mi vida loca?» how do you know that’s even a person? do you really think we stand out there holding signs because we need to?
we’re watching you san diego
and we’re waiting.
one false move,
one slip up and the homeless
of your city will release
an army of mutant fish on you.
wave upon merciless wave
of guppies and catfish
with strong muscled legs.
viva la revolucion!

Can someone please tell me why the beast known as the San Diego River smells like a flowing stream of stewed poo in a few areas? I swear there is a large sewage drain that lets out right into this ever illusive «river» causing the entire area surrounding it to smell of (for lack of a better word) shit. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if there were «dumping» stations for bums set up in arbitrary spots along the creek beds…
You can notice this stench while walking or smell it seeping through the vents of your car (which will cause you to blame your fellow passengers of passing obscenely potent gas) if you drive over the riverbed near Garnet Avenue in Pacific Beach or on the 8 West freeway interchange on the 5 South. The odor has lessened in Pacific Beach as of late, but on the 8 West interchange the rankness is intensifying at so great a pace that I fear for any/​all wildlife and vegetation in the area.
Should you find yourself subjected to this, don’t allow exposure for too long a time as I fear for your safety. Who knows what demonic diseases are being born in this repugnant area.