The Cafe

Somebody knock off that «closed» tag, The Café is back in action and is looking brighter these days — at least on the interior. The line was a bit outrageous last night but it was no wonder, as the club was wall-​to-​wall people from about 11 to 1.
The overall layout hasn’t seemed to change all that much, but some things appear to be revamped — some more exciting lighting, sound that seemed to be a bit higher in quality, a stage area for Boy Bar dancers in the middle of the front room, a glass sliding wall between the smoking room and dance floor. Maybe I’m mistaken, but I recall there only being one unisex bathroom before, and now there are 2 actually marked «women» and «men», though the friendly crowd here tends to delightfully ignore such divisions.
The drink prices were acceptable, and the bartenders that I encountered were a lot more friendly than a few rude folks that I remember from before the club’s renovation. Maybe the bitchy boy who tried to charge me $ 4 for a diet coke (I was going sober that night) got thrown out with the other junk.
It took being closed for a bit to make me come to terms with my genuine soft spot for The Café. I think that Fridays here might soon become a weekly tradition.

The Café isn’t closed, is it? I was just here a month ago and I’ve been going here for about 7 years!
Well, there must be a reason that a straight girl keeps coming back to a gay club for 7 years and it’s not because I’m in the closet. I love this place! First of all, there’s never a line to get in and the people at the door are so sweet. ALL their staff members are so sweet. Even the coat check guy kept looking at me telling me I’ll probably want my purse checked and I kept saying no, but he was right and I gave in.
You go in and there’s so much room everywhere! It’s not a typical box-​shaped venue, there’s lots of different areas and levels, which make it architecturally appealing. (Except for the bathrooms; they are co-​ed and kinda gross so I avoid it at all costs.)
The music is great there! I really do go there for the music. They don’t play TOO much Brittany Spears or Madonna, but just enough. And when you dance with your group of friends, you’ll most likely get pulled into another group of curious people who want to dance with you too. Just go with the flow!
This place caters to all sorts of people. It’s so diverse! I remember when I first went here and realized that there are some thugged out gangsters that are gay. Never knew they existed. So The Café was also quite an educational experience. And I also saw my college buddy there, which was a pleasant surprise. So much culture and diversity, I love it! And I never feel left out here. I had girls grabbing my crotch. As wrong as that may sound, it’s kinda flattering to know gay girls would do you if you were gay hahahah One time I took my ex there who was kinda a slight homophobe I guess you can call it. He actually wanted to go, but that’s probably because we got him drunk at the house first and after that, he was all about it. Anyway, a guy gabbed his ass at the club and he was cool about it. See? If you’re open minded, anyone can go here and belong here!
A new thing they started doing was having go-​go girls and go-​go guys dancing on the different levels of the pool tables. I love it!
So of all the gay clubs in SF, go here! (Whenever they open again)

So, I guess the Café is closed now for remodeling… but I think it has
some upside potential
the previous incarnation of the Café was the kind of place your friend criticized you for going, but went himself… it was ultimately a bit of gamble walking in, you paid your cover… walked up the stairs and were confronted with two different scenarios… either a room of gay men packed more tightly than a craigslist bottom, or a deserted wasteland peppered here and there with walking she-​beasts
the drinks here are usually incredibly strong… and the bartenders are pretty nice… the bathrooms, well, they are a bit of a travesty… and unless you’re willing to use a trough to do your business… you’re going to have to wait awhile to get things done
pluses: strong booze, interesting crowd, strong booze, umm…
minuses: bad porno on the tvs, she-​beasts, tight dance floor, inconsistent music

The music is good, the crowd is hit-​or-​miss, the prices are average. Ironically, I review this bar just before they close for three months to remodel, so who the hell knows what will happen by May.
Friday… gogo dancers… jockstraps. Very nice. Trashy. But in a good way. Still not as hot as the gogo dancers in Hawaii, but to each his own.

I came here on saturday after a bad experience at another bar in the Castro neighborhood. Every great thing I felt about this bar was just reinforced with my last visit.
It was energy 92.7 night and the music was GREAT! everything from Lady GaGa to Akon to 80’s remixes were playing! A strip contest for bitter ball tickets took place. I got a great promo pink cup that lit up. The dancers were hot, the bartenders were hot, and my friends and I were extraordinarily hot from all the dancing we were doing!
Every single time I go here I have an absolute blast. I love that the crowd is mixed, the people are not pretentious, and the drinks are strong!
So to the CAFE… thank you for rescuing my saturday night. You will always be my gay bar of choice in SF.

The café is an empty hang out for the old and mellow types and a few misguided youth during the week, but come the weekend it’s what you see in the pictures. Their bartenders are cute and willing to load drinks up for a 21^st birthday boy friend of mine, but the music is somewhat lackluster. However with «the bar» moving over by the Safeway a few blocks away this is sure to become the default hang out in the Castro, with the other slim pickings being a close second.
That’s okay it’s been a long while since anything but mild mannered gay white dudes and their straight female companions & hung out in the Castro for fun. The best cluster of bars for queer folks seems to be in the north mission/​soma area. Oh well, for what it’s worth the coolest place in the universe may someday drop in on the Castro and make the nightlife a bit different, but for now all the biggest, (literally) of all places here is the café.
CHAD

The Café is one of the reasons I love being a femme lesbian. My usual Friday night consists of throwing on some tight jeans, heels, a wife beater, and some lipstick before heading over to this place. It usually takes about five seconds of standing on the fringe of the dance floor before some hot young thang puts her arm around my waist and gives me those «let’s dry hump and neck in rhythm to this awesome Kelly Clarkson dance remix» eyes that I so desperately long for. I repeat this process about a half dozen times before I settle on a soul mate for the evening. Yes, it is as hot as it sounds.
The rest of the place is occupied by guys looking to hook up with guys, straight girls who have boyfriends and want to dance with gay guys, and straight guys who want to dance with straight girls who think they are dancing with a gay guy. That last group is just as pathetic as it sounds.

I don’t think I had ever been to a gay club in SF (other than Martunis), and I had a friend visiting who wanted to hit the town, so we chose The Café. First of all this place is cheap: $ 3 to enter, and like $ 4 a drinkie. The music was fun and cheeseball (in a good way), and there is a good blend of straight/​gay patrons. People were friendly even when the place was packed. The downside: the bathroom situation (either a LONG line for an open co-​ed bathroom or a trough). Overall, though, I was pleasantly surprised, and so was my out of town guest!

This is honestly the best Disco in SF. Hands Down. I love the end up, and all the other spots, but if you’re in SF, and want a guaranteed good time, go to the Café.
Why? Because in the 30 some times I’ve been here with Friends, girlfriends, etc, I’ve always had a great time.
Why? Because the DJ’s are awesome, the drinks are strong, and the people are ALL happy and social.
If you have no hang-​ups, come on, its guaranteed.
$ 6 entry, $ 5 mixed drinks.

A straight mans experience at the café.
It’s a gay bar, it’s in the Castro, why are people so surprised when they walk in to this place? I’ve been here on 2 occasions.
1.) When Halloween use to be good (Before people started stabbing and shooting people). One kick ass Halloween party in the Casto with this bar being filled to capacity (with all types of people). An amazing party !
2.) Brought a date there once after eating at a restaurant around the corner (my review before this one). Great idea on my part because who’s going to hit on her? Anyways, had a good time and scored points for being ‘comfortable with my sexuality’ and being able to empathize with her (they gotta invent a ‘straight’ flag).
Large (not huge) club on the second floor with: different levels, balconies, couple of bars, dancefloor, etc. A little ‘divey” but cool. Happy hour drinks specials were great and drinks were stiff (no pun intended). Staff was courteous and the crowd was pretty good.

We decided to hit up the Café last Sunday night, and I was thrilled to find out it was «Ladies Night!» Hell yeah! That means discounted cover or drinks, right? Wrong!
I had to pay the full $ 8 cover, and the drinks were full price… I was annoyed about that, particularly because I can’t even remember the last time I patronized an establishment that charges a cover. I’m more of a dive bar kinda girl.
At least the drinks were served up quick, and the ladies dancing were entertaining. Oh, and the place was *packed* with hot girls…
You know what was really messed up? It was lesbian night, and they played gay porn (as in dudes) on the televisions. Like they got their theme nights mixed up and were too lazy to fix it.
And why did they keep playing «My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard»?

The Café is the second-​best bar in the Castro area, in my admittedly limited experience. First is The Bar for it’s funky music, but second is the Café for its lively crowd, floor space, and smokeability.
Here, I was able to talk to people. I met a boy who kissed me — nearly the highlight of my love life lately, sadly enough — and then invited me to a three-​way with him and his rather unattractive sister-​in-​law. But at least he kissed me (he was cute!) and I was able to talk to him. I also chatted with a lovely lesbian named Mary (go figure) who was also from out of town, and we got to kick it.
The beer selection here sucks — but then, I would imagine beer is not the most popular selection in a gay bar in San Francisco, but still. I had to resort to Amstel light, which is the beer for cunts who don’t like beer but want to look like they like beer. It was embarrassing.
I loved the center patio where you could smoke. As a smoker, I find the City to be a challenge — can’t smoke indoors (which I don’t have a problem with) but not enough real estate for patios/​decks/​whatever.
This bar struck me as the least pretentious out of everything in SF. Almost Austin-​like in its laid-​back-​who-​gives-​a-​frack-​lets-​just-​have-​a-​kickin-​time vibe.
I’d give it five stars, but I can’t. Station 4 in Dallas makes the entire Castro look like amateur comedy night compared to a George Carlin show with Mitch Hedburg and Eddie Murphy opening.

«Too Cute to Be Straight.»
My friend Rick was in town for New Years, and he had decided that we needed to hit up the Castro for our end/​and beginning of the year adventure.
We put on our dancing ware, while dancing to Prince. I found an old white-​out pen and while struggling to use my other free hand to apply messy makeup, scribbled on a black hat, which Rick had bought at the dollar store —
«Too Cute to Be Straight.»
His face beamed as he tried on his hat, and cocked it slightly.
«Jessica — tonight is going to be amazing!»
And it was.
The Café was our first stop, and our only stop.
Inside was a crazy mass of all sorts of people. Flailing around and grinding down to top 40’s and old-​school pop.
Our faces lit-​up as Britney echoed through the place. We mouthed the words, as we avoided wandering hands, eyes, and a plethora of people drunkenly trying to coax us to join their fondling circles.
Feeling our shirts sticky with spilled drinks, and sweat, we loved it. It was all out craziness. The way New Years should be.
The Café is definitely not everyone’s scene, and I haven’t been back since, but that night — continues to be one of my favorite New Years.
As Rick and I shook our things to bumpin’ beats in a tight mass of colorful people, we made friends, took countless pictures, and found ourselves stumbling onto Castro street at 2 in the morning, with big grins on our faces —
and still ready to party.

Last time I was here I helped a guy friend of mine hook up with this super hot guy, danced to Britney spears, got hit on by a hot girl in the bathroom line and escaped before last call.
Always a memory!

Ooooh a night out with all my gay girlfriends. Nothing like having a lesbian friend tell you that you’ve got ass for days to boost the old confidence. (insert alerted look on face here, peppered with smugness)
No place but the café would the behavior that happens here happen. ‘The Boys’ dance sans shirt, sans inhibition, but it’s not as uh… hmmm how to say… je né sais quoi. as The Endup. It’s less… something.
The Café touts itself as nothing less, and nothing more, than a cheap dance club and bar where the music is like techno meets throwbacks put into a blender with supersonicness and fiber and sweat and played through not so great speakers.
And The Café delivers.
I danced my ass-​for-​days off with my girls, laughed at things I’m not really sure were that funny, got hit on numerous times (I still got it baby!), signed a waiver for LOGO channel because the were filming a documentary about a gay mens basketball team and we were caught in the backgound (please don’t make me explain THAT to my east coast Jewish mother…), and then went for pizza at some ungodly hour where I was promptly schooled by a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence on how I should be ‘positioning’ myself within the confines of my tshirt.
And to think I considered staying in and watching movies.
pffff.
Bathroom = what is the word twenty times worse than repulsive?
Bartenders = nice, generous, and v. cute.
What I’m saying is, if you go there, something happens, and you act the fool and have a rip roaring time, and then you don’t need to go back. Kind of like skydiving. Fun, but not inexpensive, and really, do you have to go again, you know what it is.

If you get happy hour right, it’s 2 for 1.
You get two drinks for $ 5.00
That is haus.

NEW YEAR’S EVE at The Café!!!
…i had so much fun you couldn’t keep me off the dance floor, the boy-​bar dance floor or that really hot latina girl with the pouty lips… ~you know who i’m talking about~
Café had an excellent DJ for NYE that impressed the pants off of me, «the boys» were so entertaining (with package at about eye-​level) it took me almost 2 hours to realize that some were attractive in the facial-​region as well!
Maybe it was the popularity of the club (drawing in straights), or perhaps it was the stupidity that comes with the holiday season, but guys, when you hit on a girl at The Café, you’re not allowed to act shocked when she fearfully runs back into the arms of that ~other~ sexy chick that wouldn’t give you the time of day.

No dress code. Smoking area next to the dancefloor. Men, women, straight, gay, bi, everybody. The crowd is always mixed.
Fri, Boy Bar (this is the night with the most gay boys)
Thurs, Pan Dulce (Latin night)
Sun-​Wed, 2 for 1 drinks all night, ask bartenders for details
Wednesday night free pool
3^rd Sat of every month is Delicious, the lesbian party (usually $ 7). It goes from 4pm until 9:30 PM. After Delicious has their event then the Café has a regular night with a $ 3 cover. If you go to both events it will cost you $ 10 unless you never leave the building then it will cost just $ 7. Around 9:30 the cashier for Delicious leaves and the Café’s regular cashier will arrive with a new stamp. You must pay $ 3 for the new stamp. Get to Delicious early and get your money’s worth, or get there late and end up paying for two parties.
Currently the Café does not have a «Lesbian Night». We only have the Delicious daytime party once a month. We expect to have a lesbian night on Wednesdays pretty soon, but the exact date has not been released. I am sure they will be passing out tons of flyers when the event gets the final green light.
This information is subject to change. I work at the club and just sharing what I know.
This club has been open for over 20 years and some of the employees have been here that long. It used to be called Café San Marcos but people just called it The Café for short. So now the name is just The Café. I am guessing that the current owner is probably the fifth person to own this nightclub. This club used to have working fireplace inside, but not anymore.
I heard a rumor that a previous owner overdosed inside of the club on cocaine and now his ghost haunts the club when it is empty. When you are inside of the club by yourself and it is all black inside it is really scary. Employees have reported the music turning on and the lights turning on and off. However some psychic told me the club is haunted but by someone else.
LOL scarrryyyy.

I don’t pay covers. Ever. But I figure $ 3 wasn’t so horrible for a very fun night. I love clubbing here because 1) lesbians have no interest in me. straight girls i can care less about. 2) the boys are wayyy cuter than let’s say, Dragon Bar, they wink at me and walk around in teeny, tiny under and it’s a good thing 3) for a people watcher, it’s a smorgasboard of interesting happenings. 4) the bathroom DOWNSTAIRS is actually decent. don’t venture into the upstairs one. i’m warning you.
What’s not okay? Leeches. Men who wait for the unsuspecting newly out, newly 21 friends to be alone (I had to pee!!) and then pounce. Not f’ing cool.
The music was less thunka thunka and more top 40’s mixes — 92.7 stuff. Me likey. They get an extra star for Pink’s «U and Ur Hand» remix.
Drinks were decent. I remembered why I hate Newcastle with a passion. Strange how the beer was more than the mixed cocktails. Liked the upstairs patio outdoor space. Felt bad for cars parked directly underneath.

My wife had some friends from China here to visit for a couple of weeks. They want to enjoy the fun and entertaining life of Frisco.
One of them suggest:
Let’s go to a place where there are a lot of men and inexpensive to have fun
My wife asked,“Do you wanna go to the Castro?
Another asked, «Where is that?»
My wife replied «it is where there are a lot of guys hangout to have a good time.»
Then they all went to Market and Castro, to find a place to go find some guys to dance with. (The two friends doesn’t know Castro is a gay neighborhood, they’re from China, they don’t know). The first place they arrived «The Café». A club at the corner of Chevron.
They went upstairs to this popular nightclub in the heart of the Castro. They each had «COCKTAILS». The music is a mystery to them, and not really adjusted to the atmosphere. They see a lot of guys, shaking their rumps and freaking each others like they were auditioning for Dirty Dancing or Dancing with the Stars.
Shortly, my buzzed wife made a move to ask an Asian guy, if he wants to dance with her. But he refused the invitation. She was saddened.
«Out#1!»
Moments later, the two friends asked two more guys, who dressed like sailor-​boys to dance. But the two guys turned away in unison and continue to dance and holding hands together like Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke with the Barry Manilow’s song in their head.
Out 2&3,Double-play «We’re out» the door.
They ended up with a disappointing night and a lesson in not asking a local guy from that neighborhood to dance again. «What a Night!»