Payless Shoesource

Maria is the best! She’s helpful and funny. Very sweet lady! She needs to work at Nordstroms. I think she even does a way better job than they do! What a fun time I had and I hate to shop!

Okay, Lolia S. — you Cupcake Wielding Capo — here’s your review on demand. Keep in mind that I have just had a little laser facial; I’m tired, and look like I fell asleep on a hibachi. But here you go, you clock-​watching, Fro-​Yo Sadist!
5 Stars — for being the inception site for my shoe fetish
1 Star — for inflicting irrevocable damage and shame issues on my 6^th grade psyche — See my review for Image Perfect Laser; I was already struggling with having a girl-​stache!
1 Star — for being Payless circa 1985 — when $ 10 shoes looked like $ 10 shoes, and Reebok *tennis shoes* were all the rage
3 Stars — for the price point that appealed very much to my cheap-​assed parents
3 Stars — for being walking distance from the house I grew up in… before the freeway expansion and ghetto-​ization of the area in general
Kim D. is reclining on a leather couch, Hermes handkerchief in hand, dabbing her eyes and revisiting an excruciatingly painful childhood experience, all for the amusement of Ms. Lolia S.
LS: Tell me about your mother.
KD: *sobbing uncontrollably, but at the same time happy she didn’t wear mascara* Growing up with a stay at home Mum, and being the eldest of 5 children… We were budgeted $ 20 a month each, for clothes.
LS: Yeeeessss??? *relishing a spoonful of Fro-​Yo*
KD: I was entering junior high — a brand-​new school — so I’d been hoarding my clothes money for a much-​coveted pair of pure white Reebok Tennis Shoes.
LS: *savoring a mochi; contemplating the texture* You needed them for PE? You play tennis?
KD: No… I — F*CK! You’re bringing up all kinds of identity issues for me now — just because I’m «Asian» I play tennis? Cheesus, Mary and Joseph — I had a girl-​stache, was flatter than Texas, had memorized «Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret» and my eyebrows looked like black caterpillars on my forehead —
LS: *snapping a pic of her latest Fro-​Yo conquest* Mmmmm-​hmmmm. I think we’re getting a little off topic — get back to the shoes.
KD — So I was already extremely self-​conscious, gangly and awkward; I’d been saving my clothes money like MAD so that I could buy a $ 60 pair of Reeboks at Mervyns. And don’t even get me started on the acid-​wash Guess Jeans with the ankle zippers I NEEDED to mix in with the hand-​me-​down clothes I usually wore. *blowing nose vigorously*
LS: So you bought the $ 60 Reeboks? *uploading her latest Unilocal pic*
KD: Of course I did. And then — *breath catching; bosom heaving* like, two weeks after school started…
LS: Yeeesssssss???
KD: SOMEBODY STOLE THEM FROM MY PE LOCKER!!! *dissolving into a congested, snotty mess* I deed add andihistimeed.
LS: Pardon?
KD: I’b ahhl stubbed upp. Andihistimeed. Benadryll??? Do you habb addy?
LS: Nope. Continue with your pathetic story, please…
*** Intermission for nose-​blowing and procurement of Benadryll***
KD: Now my eyes are dry; I had Lasik back in ’01, and I like, medically NEED eye drops. This Benny is effing drying my eyeballs OUT! *rummaging in purse* I’m parched. I need a drink of water. I’m dehydrated!
LS: *delicate bite of cup cake* Let’s just stay on topic, shall we?
KD: My Mum wouldn’t give me an advance on my clothes money. But I was in track & field, so I needed PE shoes — so she dragged my reticent ass to PAYLESS and glared at me as she plunked down TEN WHOLE DOLLARS + tax, like it was my fault that I was shoe-​jacked. Pro Wings. *weeping; gnashing teeth* PRO WINGS!!!
They didn’t look right; they didn’t smell right… it was awful. Awful! And my events in track & field? 100 yard dash and LONG JUMP — two events where they scrutinize your feet. Land in the sand? Don’t move… we have to use the tape measure.
LS: This is even more satisfying than I thought.
KD: Are you talking about the Fro-​Yo or my emotional duress?
LS: *concentrating; scribbling on note pad*
KD: I became obsessed with finding out WHO stole my Reebok’s. Everybody wore the same style — and you’re right — only the Asian kids played tennis — but still! My eyes were riveted on everybodys’ feet.
I lost it; I lost races so that I wouldn’t be photographed in the school newspaper; I deliberately scratched my long jumps so I’d be disqualified, or the judges wouldn’t have to break out that stupid tape measure. Can you see where this is going?
LS: Mmmm-​hmmm… Wait — was that last Fro-​Yo sugar free???
KD: To add to my abject and daily humiliation: I had to walk to school; it wasn’t far, but Payless was right in the middle of my commute. It was like… Payless was… MOCKING me — «Ha ha; you’re wearing ill-​fitting, Reebok ripoffs!»
I’d actually take an alternate route to school that added ¾ mile to my walk, just so that I didn’t have to have to see Payless.
LS: Ah! That was definitely original!
KD: What was original? My thought process? Certainly not my shoes —
LS: The Fro-​Yo.