7-Eleven

I know what you’re thinking — reviewing a 7-​Eleven?!? NOT a sexy choice. You’re so wrong. Read on!
This 7-​Eleven has a gas station that, as far as I can tell, is actually its own brand-​name gas station. Everything from the gas pricing sign to the pumps has 7-​Eleven labeling, so they get full credit for this part of the business.
Now, their gas prices are usually great, so I often fill up here when I hit up Samantha’s Restaurant across the street (which is worth driving outside DC for, btw!). Why the 2 stars then? On a recent visit, when I pulled up there was a guy sitting on one of the trash cans between pumps. Yep, sitting right on top if it — his rear probably fit into the hole quite ergonomically, actually. Brown bag in hand, swaying merrily.
(Note to 7-​Eleven: He appeared to have been here a WHILE. If you see a drunk in one of your trash cans by the pumps your customer are using, I suggest you make a move.)
No worries though, I went ahead and starting pumping. Then I hear, «Hola! Hey! Heeey!» I turn around, Mr. Trash Can is waving his bag at me, grinning. «Como estas?» I reply, one of few Spanish phrases I retained from middle school, and turn back to my pump.
«Hey! Hey, uh, how, uh how» — Mr. Trash Can is struggling with his English, or possibly his intoxication, or actually probably both — «uh how much, how much for you!!» He gets this last part out triumphantly.
Say whaa? Did he just say, «How much for you?»
«What??» I turn around and ask him — because surely, surely not. I mean, I was wearing flip-​flops! Jeans! Sweatshirt! No mixed signals here!
«How much for you!» he crows, toasting me with his brown bag.
«Uhhhhh…» I’d never thought to learn how to say, «I’m not a prostitute, jackass!» in Spanish, nor do I know the Spanish equivalent of «Fuck off!», though he was in such good spirits that I kind of would have felt bad with that one. So, I replied with the best answer that came to mind:
«Uhh…mucho! MUCHO!!!»
«AHHH haha si, claro, oKAY!» says Mr. Trash Can, and gives me a WINK like we’re in on a secret together.
So anyway, having accidentally confirmed that I apparently am a hooker, I can never go back here. Which is shame, considering the gas prices.