Troy Gastroenterology

Dr. Bologna is a great doctor. I don’t know where i would be in my life with out him and his team helping me out. Dr. B is also on a experimental trial team looking for new cures for GI related diseases. I was involved in a couple trials that did help me. Make sure you ask about any questions or concerns. Great doctor. He was even featured in HOUR magazine for Top Docs.
As for the office… waits are a little long, but I understand. They have great doctors. The office always has a few people in the waiting room. Very Clean office. Nice staff.
As for the procedures i have had related to Troy Gastro– No complaints except 1.
1. — The prep for a colonoscopy is to drink a full bottle of Miralax Laxative to flush your system. That stuff is going flush you out like you just woofed down 100 greased lightning sliders from White Castle. It is not enjoyable experience for anyone. By the end of the night you are so thankful it is over. You will never want to see a bottle of Miralax again! BUTT WAIT… the first thing you see at the Troy Surgical Center is a empty bottle of Miralax with silk flowers in it greeting you on the check in counter. Thats the very last thing you want to see the morning of your procedure!
I think they realized this because it has since been removed. It was a creative thought, I will give them that. Granted that may not have been Troy Gastro’s fault per say… butt they work hand and hand with the Troy Gastro.
Other than that small bump in the road I’m a grateful and happy patient over all =)

Nope. Don’t do it. I’ll tell you why when I get home from work.
***
Okay, I’m home from work now
***
Colonoscopies are terrifying. When I walk into the surgical center for my operation, the attending nurse asks me if I have any jewelry on and when I say «No» she hands me a plastic bag to put my clothes and effects in.
«Take all of your jewelry off and put your clothes in the bag.»
I am unable to suppress the mental images of ovens that suddenly overtake me. Here I am, about to be sedated, not with Versed, like everyone else, but with Propofol, the shit they killed Michael Jackson with. Then a group of strangers is going to steal my blackberry, shove long, snaky tubes up my ass, post pictures of my torture all over some snuff-​film website and put me in an oven. This is my fear. «I’ve never been under before and I’m a bit nervous about it,» I tell the nurse.
Instead of responding to my vulnerable confession, Crazy Nurse asks me if I use recreational drugs. Apparently this is one of the questions they ask to determine how painfully I will die. «…I have,» I say.
«WHAT?»
I look at her. Awkward silence.
Clarification: «I mean, ‘What kind of drugs? Marijuana? Other things?»
«Oh, just marijuana. And I’ll have a beer once in a while – I mean, more than one beer. But – «
She turns her head away from the clipboard she’s writing on to shoot me a look of righteous indignation.
«Never recklessly,» I finish, hoping to exculpate myself.
While all of this is going on, I realize I am on the verge of pissing my pants, and I start worrying that I’ll lose control over my bladder when they put me under.
I ask the nurse how long the procedure takes, hoping to gauge the danger of not getting up to pee before the surgery begins.
«Eternity!» she belches. «I mean, twenty minutes for the colonoscopy, five minutes for the upper endoscopy, and 20 minutes in the recovery room.» I decide that this seems manageable.
I still don’t know whether I peed on the nurses. I only know what happened leading up to the procedure.
Dr. Bakken comes in, full-​moon face and twinkling wide white smile, so white. She asks me if the laxatives worked, and I say, «Yes, they worked so well – I’m very sore.»
«Good» she says. «Well, not ‘good,’ but, you know – that means they did their job.» Dr. Bakken was a nice and professional woman.
«Yes,» I agree, hoping she’ll be gentle with me.
Then the anesthesiologist comes in and Dr. Bakken says, «This is the anesthesiologist» because apparently the new doctor can’t be bothered to introduce herself. She’s kind of attractive but won’t look me in the eye, and she appears angry, as though I’ve inconvenienced her somehow.
«I’m sorry,» I say to her, «for breathing. Also, I don’t think I caught your name.»
«Ixpiel myanshal harrumberg neterbaer …» she grumbles and shoves her I.D. tag into my face in a way that makes it impossible to read her barbaric name. All I can see are the flames raging around the black holes of her pupils.
Suddenly the anesthesiologist disappears and a new woman enters the room. The attending nurse looks as though she hasn’t slept since Reagan’s administration ended and that she couldn’t muster a smile were Obama to take to his knees to bestow upon her a spicier sort of American Recovery Act (an orgasm being another thing she appears to be in serious need of, in addition to sleep).
As these perfectly quotidian thoughts are ponging around my braincase, the woman who’s going to kill me with propofol sticks a chunk of blue plastic 1.5 inches in diameter and an inch thick with a hole in the middle into my mouth and starts taping it to my cheeks. I feel as though I’m being prepped for a bad S & M movie. They tell me to scoot forward and to turn onto my left side. The anesthesiologist bares her fangs and begins to drool. My heart races.
***
The next thing I know, I am awake and feel the soft petting hands of my girlfriend. There is no fire and I do not see Anne Frank anywhere. Jessie has the plastic bag with all of my things in it. She is smiling. I start venting about how evil the doctors are, and the nurses too, forgetting that they’re all still there and within earshot, that they can still kill me at anytime – or worse. But they do not. They leave me in peace with a blissful ignorance of whatever awful events have just transpired, and on my way out of the office, the nurse hands me a sheaf of papers containing pictures of my asshole and colon. I am relieved to be alive, though slightly disconcerted that visual records of this experience exist.
I still haven’t been able to muster up the courage to google myself since the procedure.
p. s. You too can have this delightful experience for the low low price of ~$ 700 depending on your insurance rates and deductible levels.