The Southern Empress Cruises

I booked the Valentine dinner cruise last night. We had a great time, food good, staff friendly, DJ provided a variety of music. I just wished there was decorations, flowers, or balloons to celebrate the occasion. maybe a picture at the table to purchase capturing the romantic night. Can’t wait to go again. I recommend it highly!

I had a wonderful evening cruse this last month. I was taken on a personal tour of the boat.
Great DJ. LOADS OF FUN

We came here for Valentines Day on a Groupon deal $ 45/​person without even reading a Unilocal review. The entertainment meeting new friends made up for lack of quality dinner served. Salad looked like it came straight out an iceberg bag. Entrée had a choice of pork or chicken. Pork was rubber and hard to cut through. Vegetables was cold. Dessert was water down whipped cream and frozen strawberries. Definitely don’t come for the food, but for the Live DJ, dancing, and having a good time! We met new friends here! I wouldn’t recommend spending $ 45 here at all!

We enjoyed the cruise and could see that repairs are being made to the boat. The bar (the one mentioned in another review on 3^rd floor) is now a nice covered seating area. The staff was very friendly and the food was good. I can imagine this is a major undertaking to get this boat back to its beautiful former self (you can tell it was once magnificent) since you can’t just take it out of the water and do the repairs. We had a really fun time and will go again, great for a large group party. DJ and bartender rocked!

WE GIVE THIS ONE 4 ½ STARS…
We had a very good time on the dinner cruise last night. We had Groupon vouchers for the trip. We would definitely recommend getting these to go. If we had to pay full price we might not have done it.
We arrived around 7:15. They started the boarding around 7:30 and we pulled away from the dock a few minutes after 8:00. Dinner was served shortly after we left the dock. It was served in the dining area which was visually very nice. The staff was very friendly and helpful. The food comes from a catering company so it’s not a meal you’d receive in a high class restaurant but it was very good. Think like a buffet dinner. We had the choice of stuffed chicken breast or lasagna. It came with a vegetable medley and some really good potatoes. We were offered tea or water for dinner and there is also a bar. The bar is located on the second deck, but the wait staff will go get it for you. We opened a tab, but you can also pay with cash. The drink prices were reasonable. ($ 4 for a beer.)
After dinner, we went up to the third deck which we felt had plenty of tables and sitting areas. If all of the guests decided to go to that floor you might have a problem with seating. The evening breeze was perfect. There was a waitress who took our drink orders and served them promptly. We spent most of the time on this floor looking out over the lake and at the lights of all the homes and buildings on the shore. It was nice and relaxing. The second floor has a wooden dance floor, bar and tables to sit. It was a nice lounge area. There was a DJ playing a variety of music. Everything from big band music to country to Rap. Reminded me of a music list played at weddings. He also took requests. The music could be heard on the third deck as well. Some of the reviews complained about the restrooms being very small. The restrooms on the first floor were fine as far as size. The ones on the second deck, by the bar were a little crowded but you are on a boat so there’s only so much room. They did appear to be kept well.
Overall the boat is in decent shape. It does need some TLC, but we didn’t think it was as horrible as some people have mention in the other reviews. It’s an old ship not the Ritz Carlton. Whether your going for a romantic night for two or with a big group it’s a great time. We would recommend going for the Friday night dinner cruise. It’s an hour later start time than the Saturday night cruise but it was a little less crowded. We will say that if it had been at full capacity it would have been fine. We will definitely be going again. We have tickets for the lunch cruise and are thinking about having a work get together for my husband’s employees.

The staff were friendly; the food was mid-​grade mass produced caterer; the service was good; and the price was not unreasonable.
The lunch cruise was nice. Not very crowded. It was a drizzly day on Lake Conroe. We arrived 45 minutes early and boarded right away (Yes, check in at the shack on the pier first). They served as soon as they pushed off (aka the food was brought on board fully cooked). It was a Global Sysco kind of catering. They served weak iced tea, coffee and water as part of the meal. They don’t have a liquor license so the bar served virgin drinks. They claimed to be getting a new liquor license and allowed us to BYOB.
The boat is sort of sad, and probably hasn’t been overhauled in 10 years. There’s a lot of rotted wood, hastily patched surfaces, peeling paint, mold, cobwebs, etc. The roof top bar was half destroyed/​disassembled. I gave it 3 stars because it’s a nice day out if you get a deal. Look for coupons and groupons. It’s kind of nostalgic and fun despite the lack of upkeep. You can see the grandeur that she was.

If you bought a Groupon or Living Social, or have prepaid GET A REFUND! I am a very understanding, go-​with-​the-​flow kind of person, and this was worth $ 15 AT MOST!!! I’ll explain more but it was like prison food, a sweaty overwhelmed staff, mandatory gratuity charged before you even board the boat, and dull décor on a dirty cruise. I mean for $ 44 per person, plus $ 25 tip, and tax, this is a TOTAL rip-​off. I don’t want to be mean, but it is what it is.
The line to get your boarding pass was literally out the door (into the heat with wasps swarming), then the boat left an hour late. Once you boarded, everyone waited on the second level where the little dance floor and bar is. I don’t mind much that we awkwardly had to ask another couple if we could join them at their table, but it seemed everyone was a bit confused and lost and enthusiasm was waining, and none of the ‘staff’ came out to tell us what was going on and when we’d actually leave the dock. There was a sort of DJ there sitting at a table with a laptop playing random songs over the speakers while we waited. He also had a tip jar which is hilarious considering we’d already paid gratuity.
About 15 minutes after push off (12:00PM) it was announced that lunch was served on the first level and we could head down there. It all went even further down hill from there…
I’ll save you all the long details. The service was less than mediocre. To say they were short-​staffed is an understatement. The servers were sweating all over everything and their clothes were filthy and unprofessional (ex: tight small white shirt with black ‘booty’ shorts on one of the girls).
You paid $ 2 for anything other than water and watered down tea (ex: like watered down soda in a small solo cup).
By the time we actually got seated the tiny salads on on our plates were wilted and brown. The dressing had separated into this icky looking mush. And our tables were SO close together (more people on board equals more profit) that your back was touching the person behind you and your elbows touching the person beside you.
The food was straight out of a box or can– there were hard rolls, scalloped potatoes, green beans, and a questionable stuffed chicken breast (I think that’s what it was?) as the entrée. Then dessert was a dry, AWFUL looking piece of cake that they were cutting from a huge tin pan right next to the tables. A lady at our table is a baker and said that it had definitely been frozen and thawed for later use. It looked SAD, yall! A pile of dry crumbs on a plate.
At our table, we just laughed and joked about the terrible food, poorly kept boat, sub-​par service, late push-​off time, expensive soda, etc etc… the entire time, so that we didn’t get angry about how badly we’d been jipped! You just had to laugh about it, or cry!

We arrived at 6:15pm and checked in. You do have to pay gratuity up front at 15%. This is because they have no way on board the ship to add gratuity. I see no problem with this method and after the cruise I must say the waitstaff deserve at least a 20% tip.
We boarded exactly at 6:30. We were able to purchase some drinks and have nice conversation. The boat is an old boat and this did show. The only thing I would suggest would be to clean the windows, they were a bit dirty.
The cruise took off at 7:15. We were then called to dinner within 15 minutes of departure. We were given the option of chicken or roast beef. I got the roast beef and my partner got the chicken, we split. Both were very good but I recommend the chicken. It was accompanied by green beans and cheesy hash browns. We had a choice between Apple cobbler and cheese cake. I tried both and preferred the cheese cake.
We then enjoyed the rest of the ride. The second floor was a dance floor with a DJ and the top was outside, which was peaceful and quiet.
The staff was courteous and on top of things. I was asked if I needed a drink and it was brought right to me.
I gave this 3 stars because I had a groupon and it was worth every penny. However, if I would have paid full price I may have been a bit disappointed.

It was a bit sad… The food was tasteless yet warm. The food needed flavor. The staff had no real uniform. The staff was wearing casual clothing and I did not know which were staff and which were clients. The best points were that the boat did not sink and it was a nice night on the lake. This was a first and a last for me

We were invited to share the evening with our friends to celebrate their annivesary. We all thought this would be something special. I wished we had read ALL (including the filtered) reviews first.
First warning should have been the website. It’s barely functional and NOT accurate with the information given.
Once you arrive, you are impressed with the sight of the Southern Empress. That will quickly fade as you get closer. We were greeted by a friendly crew/​wait staff (Craig), and directed to the check in building. It was not air conditioned and they forgot to give us our tickets once we signed in.
Next, we were directed to the ‘Tiki’ bar to wait. $ 18 for 2 beers, a margarita, and a daiquiri. Sitting on a wood bench near a fan trying to stay cool. Boarding was supposed to be a 7pm with boat leaving at 7:30pm. This was contrary to the 6 – 6:30 on the website. In actuality, it was almost 8:30pm before we left the dock.
My first impression once aboard was mixed. Granted the boat is 30 years old, but you can tell regular maintenance has been neglected. I’ve been out on oil rigs and ships that were in better repair. Really sad with the US flag that was flying was in tatters. A/​C (a common complaint it seems) barely worked on the 1^st deck (dining).
We went up to the Top deck to be wait to be called for dinner. The speakers weren’t working up there, so almost missed going, but figured it out when everyone headed that way. Food was barely ‘par’. The ‘choice’ wasn’t even what we had been told it would be. Mostly oversalted and undercooked. Dessert looked like it have been pre-​eaten!
After dinner, we went back to the top deck as it seemed to be the coolest spot around. We ordered 4 soft drinks and got watered down cokes for $ 8.
The experience is a great concept that needs some serious work to make it better. The boat is in need of a LOT of maintenance. I wonder if the the Southern Empress will ever rise again?

Unilocalers got it right, 2 stars for the Southern Empress. Granted it’s a dinner cruise and not a typical restaurant. It’s not about the food per say, but about the experience.
Check-​in was a little disappointing. Despite having confirmed reservations, we had to de-​board to go back to check-​in in a dockside shack. Disappointed because we were about an hour early and we first in line to board. They asked if we wanted to prepay for gratuity. I never seen this, and I am not going to prepay for service. The waitstaff will have to earn it.
Once we boarded, we ordered drinks in the middle deck. $ 20 for 4 Whiskey Sours. This deck was alright, it had a nice dance floor with loud music being played. No A/​C on this deck. It got a little warm here on a July evening. Thankfully we moved up to the top open-​aired deck to wait for dinner. Dinner was announced, but we couldn’t hear the announcement due to the broken speakers.
Dinner was better than expected. We all had our own reserved tables. The dining room was the best deck, it seemed the most maintained and it had A/​C. Dinner was limited to two choices, «meatball» or chicken parmesan. I am not a fan of chicken parmesan, but this was pretty good minus the noodles. It was better than expected for food that was most likely prepared on the shore. Just after dinner, the power went out for about 5 minutes. Long enough to start worrying if the power would return. Not a good feeling after hearing the «horror stories» of passengers stranded on cruise ships. It would been difficult to find the life jackets in the dark if needed to. The crew never pointed them out, but we saw them earlier.
We spent the remainder of the cruise on the top deck. It had a nice view of the lake. There was not enough seats around the perimeter to enjoy the view. A crew member asked to move away from the front saying the captain used the flagpole for navigation and hinting we would be docking soon. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case docking seemingly an hour later. The cruise was about an hour too long. I couldn’t wait to get back on land. Especially after the power outage and standing around on the deck. I got back in my car at 11:15. The «3 hour cruise» had started at 7:30.
This dinner cruise has potential to be a wonderful experience. The ship is replica of a Southern steamboat, which needs some refreshing here and there. Some fresh paint, some new carpet, etc. The food was alright. The crew was okay, but could have been better. A minimal dress code would have added to the experience.
The good; Sunset cruise on Lake Conroe.
The bad; ship’s maintenance, departing time, and cruise length
The ugly; power outrage

The idea of this place is great but the online info is very misleading and the staffing is horrible. The staff was dressed too relaxed and I waited at the bar for a drink while the staff talked and played on their phones. There was little to no air conditioning while we ate dinner and in the bar/​dance area. The dinner was ok and our dessert was melted before it got to us. I had a living social deal for almost half the price which is worth the experience but I would not spend the full price on this place. The website had the wrong boarding time so we had to wait an hour to get on the boat. Also you have to pay gratuity before going on the boat we tipped 20 percent and our experience was not worth that. They did not except cash to get on the boat only card but in the boat they took card. I thought that was odd. On top of that the website said open bar but it was a cash bar. The waiters wanted tip for each drink we ordered after we paid tip percentages before even getting on the boat. If I go again it will not be for the full price.

I’m glad I bought a LivingSocial deal for the dinner cruise, because I would have been disappointed if I had paid full price.
The website said our boarding time was 6:30pm. We arrived on time, but the boarding turned out to be at 7:30pm. When this discrepancy was pointed out to the woman checking us in, she seemed very annoyed by it, as if she had heard it a few times already that day. *Annoyed*, not apologetic. We had to pay sales tax and an upfront gratuity before we even got on the boat, and this was mentioned nowhere either on their website or on the LivingSocial voucher. When we finally got on the boat, we asked a server if there was an open bar, and she said yes. When she brought our drinks, she told us how much the drinks were. Apparently «open bar» means something different to the staff.
The dinner was acceptable at the discounted voucher price, but I would have been shocked if I had paid full price. The dining area had very poor A/​C if any, and it felt almost stifling while eating dinner. Everyone was automatically served unsweetened iced tea and not once did the servers ask if we preferred something else to drink. The staff ran out of dinner rolls and regular cola before dinner was over, which I thought was strange since while we were checking into the boat we overheard a phone conversation with someone who was canceling at the last minute. Apparently they don’t give refunds if you cancel without notice because they’ve already made the food for the amount of people booked on the trip. So why the shortage? The chocolate mousse dessert was mostly melted by the time it made it to our table.
Thankfully the upper deck had a nice breeze going after dinner. Sitting up there was relaxing and cool, and the view was nice. The metal chairs and tables were pretty beat up and wobbly. The servers came by to check on us a few times, so at least they were a little attentive to us.
I would not go on this dinner cruise again, even with a LivingSocial voucher.

Not sure what all the negative fuss is about, had a great time on the cruise. There isn’t a dress code, so it’s pretty causal. Definitely recommend to anyone who doesn’t mind sweating in the summer.

Don’t waste your money. This lunch cruise was terrible for many reasons… There is nothing exciting to see on Lake Conroe… the staff was unprofessional and unkept… the Southern Empress has not been updated since the Victorian era and is literally falling apart around you… the food was absolutely disgusting… we wasted 2 hours of our time cruising the dirty waters of Lake Conroe on the most disgusting vessel I’ve ever seen.

Terrrrible! DO NOT BUY TICKETS! Save your money and time. Website stated the boat leaves by 6:30pm for the dinner cruise, so we arrived on time, to find out that they postponed it to 8pm! When we finally got on the boat, it looked like a dump! The outer deck is in terrible shape, obvious they have not done any maintenance.
When we finally were seated for «dinner», we sat and waited for about 45 minutes before getting our meal, while the tables around us were already finishing their meals. Had requested a vegetarian dinner at the time of reservation, and called to confirm but they still didn’t have it. Ended up eating a couple plates of miniature salads.
Drinks are expensive, food was cold when we were finally served and the service was awful ! The lights kept flickering on the boat too. It lasted way too long, 3 hours?! One would have been plenty! I wish I could give negative stars. But Unilocal requires me to put at least one.

Waste of time! Prior to buying tickets, I called to find out if they had a vegetarian option. I requested it once I bought tickets. I called the day of the cruise to request a vegetarian option. I then mentioned the vegetarian meal at check in. Although our table was second closest to the food, we were one of the last served — and that was only because we complained. We were then told they didn’t have a vegetarian option and that it was listed for the following week. They said they would figure something out. The vegetarian option ended up being the sides — soggy green beans, some cheesy potatoes and a teeny side salad. The real meal was roast beef, stuffed chicken, green beans and potatoes. The manager was not too apologetic but rather blamed the lady who booked the trip.
The cruise was also supposed to board at 630, and leave at 7. This is listed on the website and what I was told when making the reservation. However at 7, while we all still stood on the dock, the crew finally decided to tell us that the boat would board at 8 and not get back until 11. Again, very very unapologetic!
The staff was dressed like half of them just rolled out of bed and the other half look like they just got paroled.
The boat itself needs a ton of work. It is in terrible shape. The staff seems completely lost. Prior to getting on we debated leaving and I wish we had. This was a horrible waste of 3 hours.
Unfortunately Unilocal requires 1 star. If I could have, I would take away the stars they have. I don’t believe for a second that five star review was a real customer!
What a waste of time and money!!!

Southern [not] «Empressed». It seems that the last few people to review have participated in the cocktail cruise so maybe that’s a little different; however, the dinner cruise left several things to be desired.
I purchased a Groupon [as a surprise dinner for my mom and I] so I guess the old saying «you get what you pay for» fits pretty well. Upon arrival, the Southern Empress is quite impressive and excitement rises quickly, unfortunately, once boarded, that excitement is quickly met by confusion and disappointment. We entered the 2 floor lounge area to find that there were very few tables and it was rather chilly on the outer (upper) deck. We stood in line for a drink but the line moved quickly. As we got up to the bar, we learned that the line moved quickly because they didn’t have change for cash [for their cash bar] and they were out of several things. Let’s just say lots of people were having water and tea instead of a glass of wine with dinner.
Dinner was no more than any wedding reception you’ve ever been to. The 6 ft long fold out tables seating 6 people left little room for elbows and the stuffed chicken /​roast beef slices were «edible» at best. We ended up at a table with a family (mom, step dad and two «grown» children, maybe 18 – 20 years old) that made it difficult for my mom and I to enjoy our conversation. The best part of dinner was the bread pudding so if you’re in it for dessert, then this cruise is for you!
While the time we spend together is always valuable and enjoyed, a different choice for dinner will certainly be made next time. Typically, it would be great to spend 3 hours away from the hussle of Houston and work and family life, etc… with my mom but unfortunately, the majority of this 3 hour cruise left us waiting for it to end on the bottom level of the boat (music was WAY too loud for conversation in the small lounge level of the boat and it was too chilly and windy for our taste on the upper deck after dinner). One more note, the entertainment on the lower level was a Wal-​Mart looking, karaōke style machine blaring a Celine Dion CD on repeat…
The Empress has seen her better days. While she is a 30 year old vessel (not a restored relic), she could use quite a bit of TLC.

My boyfriend bought us tickets for a cocktail cruise via Groupon. It was SO much fun!
The first floor was a «lounge singer» type of atmosphere. It was definitely a lot calmer, which was perfect for some people who spent the evening there. The second floor was a DJ who played a LOT of different music. He played a lot of completely different genres, which was nice – it meant someone from the [very eclectic] audience was always happy to jump on the dance floor. The top level was open; it was nice to be able to look out on the water. Plus, the music didn’t carry that far outside. You couldn’t hear the music from one deck to the other, even on the top level. We could get the atmosphere we wanted, when we wanted it (without hearing everyone else on the boat).
We spent the majority of the night on the second floor, listening to the DJ. Beer was cheap ($ 3 for a Miller light). I got one vodka red bull for $ 7. The bartenders were fast for the most part, and very friendly. When we tabbed out at the end of the night, we found that they had prepared everyone’s tab and were pretty organized about it. We paid via Cube (or some similar plugin for mobile devices) and were done really fast.
Smoking is allowed on the outer decks, which my boyfriend appreciated. But to me, the smoke didn’t carry inside (maybe because it’s windy on the water).
My only two «complaints»: 1) one of the waitresses from the first floor came by and took our drink order, but it took a long time to get our drinks. However, every time I went up to the bar (on both first and second floors) I was served almost right away. I’m not the type of person to let one person ruin my night! 2) They charged $ 1 more for a beer downstairs. I don’t know why. But since we stuck to one floor (or the top level), it didn’t really bother us. Plus, even when I’m paying $ 4 a bottle, I don’t really mind!
My boyfriend said he heard one or two people grumble that there weren’t enough tables for everyone. But there was plenty of space at each table, so we shared — which wasn’t uncomfortable at all, since we were all listening to music and watching people on the dance floor anyway.
Overall, I absolutely loved it. I would go back even without a Groupon (i.e., pay full price). I’d like to try the dinner cruise as well. :D

Went here the other night on a dinner cruise with a group of friends, and had a great time. They offer both lunch and dinner cruises via paddle boat, and we choose the dinner option. It comes with dinner, and a three hour cruise around Lake Conroe. The food was a mix of good to eh. The pork, green beans, rice, rolls, and mango salsa were tasty. The salad and one of the desserts, the chocolate spice cake where okay. The other dessert, the bread pudding, was a bad choice to serve for it was gooey and mushy by the time it got to us. Also they had chicken that while the flavor was okay, was so dry it was more like chicken jerky. I think it would have been better if they served the chicken in some kind of sauce as to remain the moisture. They also have a cash bar with decent drinks prices. By the end of the night, many were getting their groove on via the dance floor. It is a good choice if you are looking for a different, but fun way to spend a day or night.