VBites

Wow, we were looking forward to this place from friends’ recommendations, but it was not very good at all, almost downright bad. We came at peak lunch time and the place was dead. Shoulda clued us in, but we were mesmerized by the cupcake conveyor belt (more on this later) and signs promising vegan soft serve (unavailable). I got the bacon cheezburger and my BF got the pineapple pizza and man, it was not cheap. When the food finally arrived after a bit of a delay, we were looking at a greasy pool of doughy something resembling pizza and the burger, pretty standard, but what was up with the grainy «award-​winning» cheez? You can see it in the photo as some grainy, liquid-​y slop. We got a cupcake to go and when my BF finally ate it, it was crumbly with a chalky taste, not sugary enough and terrible frosting texture. He ended up throwing it out which rarely happens with baked goods. I know people say this all the time, but seriously, I can throw down a better pizza and burger any day. Bring it, V-​Bites. Who knows, maybe they were fantastic in the beginning, but the only reason I’m even giving a 2-​star rating is for the pretty space.

I went to V-​Bites with a lot of pre-​conceived ideas. I’ve nothing against vegan cookery (nothing much anyway), it was more of a general misgiving about the proprietor, one Heather Mills. I don’t know why I don’t like her; it must be something to do with tabloid newspapers telling me not to like her.
Now that I’ve declared this, on to the food. The whole vegan aspect didn’t even cross my mind until my latte arrived, which, needless to say, wasn’t quite the same with soya milk, lacking all sense of richness and just a bit watery. This set the tone and informed my subsequent critique of V-​bites. While the food was reasonably tasty etc etc, everything seemed to be some kind of meat or diary imitation. If you’re so against animal products why on earth would you want to impersonate them? Surely pretending to eat flesh is more odd than the real thing. There was a version of cheese, bacon and chicken, all poor, flavourless substitutes, completely redundant. There’s enough natural flavour in veg, fruit and nuts, without inventing this weird protein mulch.

I agree with Peter on this one: VBites deserves more than one star. Put aside the fact it’s Heather Mills’ place and review with objectivity. Whilst Food For Friends and Terre A Terre are no doubt better it’s not like VBites is poor. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Yes it’s all soya this and soya that but in terms of cleanliness, atmosphere, service and price there’s nothing much wrong with the place. The main problem is that it’s located between a skate park and a children’s playground meaning that VBites is having to cater for those perhaps not so accustomed to vegan food. Also, I wouldn’t imagine that too many foodies would be willing to venture out to Hove lagoon, braving the hoodies and chavs for the pleasures of a simple vegan burger. However, one could argue that by placing a vegan restaurant where kids hang out gives said kids a healthy alternative to McDonald’s and Burger King etc. Introducing vegan food to children can only be a good thing.

Very friendly vibe. Wonderful, delicious veggie food, well presented and very reasonably priced.
This bright little seaside café was bustling when we were there today. The sun shone through the whole place, right there, next to the beach in Hove, which is just along the beach from Brighton.
Next time you’re in Brighton, it’s a really nice 15 minute walk along the seafront.
(Could have done without the conveyer belt with the cakes on it… my only gripe).

If Antony Bourdain accidentally wandered into VBites, I have no doubt he would take one look at the menu, laugh heartily and head straight for the nearest BBQ joint. Unfortunately, having eaten there myself, I would be inclined to follow him!
It’s not that I don’t believe vegan food can be tasty and delicious — I regularly eat at Terre A Terre and Food For Friends — it’s that the menu at VBites seems completely stuck in the 1970s. Rather than offering tasty dishes of grilled and marinated fresh vegetables with herbs and spices, VBites offers an uninspired selection of soya products including soya burgers, soya hot dogs, soya chicken, soya fish cakes and soya nachos. To add insult to injury, the dishes we ordered tasted bland and microwaved.
It’s a crying shame the food is so tasteless and unimaginative because everything else about VBites works well. The staff are friendly and welcoming, the interior is clean and stylish and the fact it’s next to a skate park and play area means it’s very child friendly. There’s art by local artists for sale on the walls and a cute conveyor belt serving lovely looking cupcakes and layer cakes. Sadly, we tried a piece and gave up after a few mouthfulls as it tasted of nothing but agave syrup.
If the menu changes to incorporate fresh salads and vegetables, I’d be happy to give VBites another shot. As it stands, the V stands for Very dissappointing.