UYE @ Thorpe Park

There was a man who dreamed of enjoying the fair with his friends. Having been out the night before he foolishly stopped for an extra drink at the Crow Bar on the way home. This meant he wasn’t going to get much sleep with a belly full of food and booze, plus he was still to do a little Unilocaling before bed.
He woke realising he was meant to be at the fair. He was 30mins late. Perturbed he tried to wake his partner who barely stirred. Further problems amounted when he realised the power was out. Grudgingly dressing, he grabbed the key card and headed to the local store. Closed! Oh no! So began a one-​hour quest to find power before all the food in the freezer thawed.
All the while a strange stirring began in his abdomen.
Returning home eventually, power was restored. His partner was still fast asleep and clearly not coming to the fair. He would go it alone.
Showered, cleaned and dressed he kissed the sleeping maiden and ventured out. Again he felt the strange rumbling, this time a little more volatile.
Within 10mins he was on the tube train. From out of nowhere someone he hadn’t seen in quite awhile was there right beside him, his uncle, Mr Trots. Known as Trot or Squit to his friends. Trot seemed a little irritable and was carrying a large sack of soil.
I invited my uncle to come with me to the fair. It seemed his sack was getting heavy and the contents could emit all over the tube. He was getting desperate and never going to be able to contain the soil before reaching Waterloo. An emergency exit was needed.
Moving as quickly as possible without spilling the dirt over him self, a place was found to unload.
The idea of being upside down, strapped to a metal contraption with the potential of such a mess being made was not something the man wished. It seemed a day at home was necessary. Since returning home soil has been sprinkled liberally.
NICE!

While everyone heard Laura N. scream ‘That was NOT okay,’ after being bukkake-​esquely shot in the face three times by a powerful stream of water in the sub-​par 3D movie with a somewhat confusing plot, my reaction was a bit milder and therefore a bit less audible, ‘That was just unnecessary’. And it was.
Also, unnecessary was the lie that is the BBC Weather department, which led me to believe that my choice of spring jacket over long-​sleeve shirt ensemble would be appropriate. It was not.
So, besides the subtle sexual exploitation of the 3D film and the fact that I never once felt warm throughout the day (except perhaps for that blessed, blessed pit stop at Caffe Nero in the middle of the day), the Unilocal company for those eight hours was lovely.
Although I wouldn’t have wanted to miss the four seconds of adrenaline I got on Stealth, I still contend that the 2-​hour wait time would have been better spent with Linzi, Ciaran, and Lizzie on the teacups. Because I love a good cuppa.
P. S. I write this five-​star review despite the wicked cold I seemed to have woken up to this morning. I probably would have got that anyway.

Flying Fish. one word — awesome! Teacups… Lizzie shrieking I will never forget! Colossus… I closed my eyes and went to my happy place. What could have been just a cold, wet day amongst the chav army became an unforgettable experience with the most awesome people. I can honestly say Unilocalers are supportive, encouraging and in Yee Gan’s case, apparently determined not to leave anyone behind, even if they desperately want you to!
The lines were epically long and we questioned their lack of entrepreneurial spirit in not having a couple of dudes selling hot dogs along the way, but it did give me a chance to really get to know everyone and hope that this Unilocal event will be the first of many for me.
Yes, as reported, I may have wimped out on the big rides, but also proved that Thorpe Park can really be thrilling… and fun!

Total time in park, 8ish hours. Total time in queues, 6ish hours. A day with London’s top Unilocalers, priceless! What was best? Lizzie crawling under the railing to have a pee? All of us being shot in the face with water and Laura yelling «That was NOT ok»? The look on Yee Gan’s face as he was shot 200+ feet up in less than 2 seconds? Linzi conquering the mighty Colossus only to follow it up with Mr. Banana?
Granted the weather was miserable, the“Chav” community was in full effect, certain people now question my character and interest in «SDCougars​.com» (please refer to this thread:
), but this day was great. I had an absolute blast and am totally grateful to Yee Gan O for putting this together and doing an impeccable job leading the group through all that is Thorpe Park!

Whoop whoop!
One saturday in April a group of Unilocalers decided to visit a Theme park.
The organiser, Yee Gan O was a fan of all things that spin you, chuck you and generally make the average person nauseated, but with his troop of supporting friendly Unilocalers, many came to try the terrors of Thorpe Park.
I am completely exhausted and glowing with happiness at the thought of the day. I don’t think I have laughed that hard in years and watching Linzi M and Ciaran R spin in a tea cup was pure pleasure.
Thank you everyone for the fun times and next UYE let get even more people involved. Come one, come all to our Ugly Bug Ball…

Fellow Unilocal dudes and dudettes, thanks for another great UYE. Truth be told, the grim weather and big holiday crowds made the visit to Thorpe Park a challenge at times but spending time with the Unilocal family made it a great day out for me.
I’m still drying out as I type this but from the moment ‘Shotgun Laura’ attempted to jump into the driver’s seat of my car (will these Americans never learn we drive on the CORRECT side of the road here? Hehe) when she arrived for a lift this morning, I knew it was going to be another day of special Unilocal lurve and laughs! We only managed 3 big coasters all day but the seemingly interminable queues just gave us more time to discuss such diverse topics as ‘Top Gun: chick flick or boys’ toys film?’, ‘is there really an American equivalent of a chav?’, ‘women peeing standing up: good idea or don’t go there?’, ‘how to stand on an alligator’s mouth and flip it over’ and ‘favourite Home Office green card questions’. Big hand for Lizzie and Linzi who survived the 10 inversions of Colossus without dying as feared though I did distinctly hear Lizzie express certain unsavoury sentiments towards me between screams on the ride!
Never ones to be called old and over the hill, children were also treated to the sight of Unilocalers on the Teacups, Flying Fish, Banana Boat, the carousel and the 4D theatre. In fact, Lizzie was even able to provide a baby-​sitting service as a mother handed her child to her so she could get on the ride — you must have an honest face, Lizzie! Though I must say that wasn’t the most comical view I had of her today — through all my years in theme parks, I’ve never seen anyone crawl out of a queue line to go for a pee! And though she was terrified of the ride, she came back. Respect.
We were able to try the Calypso BBQ for lunch, which served above average park food.
So thanks to Laura N, Lizzie G, Larissa D, Robert D, Linzi M, Ciaran R, Chris R and Victoria for being such great company and turning a dreary day into another Unilocaltastic event. To conclude, I have to mention the ride operator of X: No Way Out who said to us,“To be honest, it’s not really worth riding.” Fortunately, the Unilocal family lurve made it a most worthwile day out.

«That was NOT ok,» was probably the only negative thing uttered from my mouth all day — and that was only after a shoddy 3D «honey I shrunk the audience-​goes-​star tours» attempt pelted me with freezing water not one, not two, but three times. After a full day of not ever being warm, that was NOT ok.
You know what does warm my heart? Well, Unilocalers of course. And adrenaline. Pure unadulterated adrenaline that can only come from shooting skyward from 0−80mph in 1.8 seconds and then plummeting straight down 205 feet on Europe’s tallest launch roller coaster. I was in junkie heaven.
Sure there were lines, food you wouldn’t wish on inmates, miserable weather, and the dreaded Chav infestations, but having a group of London’s finest Unilocalers along with made the day easily one of my favourite UK memories thus far. And that ride… WOW.