Koyote Bar

Love it its the bollocks

While in the wilds of Twickeham, I was invited to go to this «really cool bar». After spending less than 24 hours in Twickenham, I find it really hard to believe that anything really cool exists there at all. But what the hell do I know right? I just live in central (read: actual) London. So I decided that I’d be open minded and try it out. I was told the women there dance on the bar just like in the movie Coyote Ugly. I figured that this would either be really tacky in a fun ironic way or just genuinely tacky.
Sadly, it more of the latter.
The interior of the bar is quite rustic. There’s lots of wood everywhere — on the floor, on the walls. It feels like I’ve entered Middle Earth but instead of being surrounded by hobbits, there are half-​naked women dancing (quite poorly, I’d like to add) on the bar. The clientele was strange. There were some young people — the kind you’d expect to be out and about on a Saturday night trying to find a place to dance and have a drink. And then there were the sleazy guys in suits that you’d expect at a strip club. In fact, I’ve never been to a strip club but Koyote pretty much embodies the image that I have in my head. Sad men staring slack jawed at half naked women gyrating their crotch in their faces to the latest top 40 hit.
There’s even champagne at the end. Yup! At the end of the night, all of the women jump up on the bar, shake a bottle of champagne and let it explode over the crowd beneath them and on themselves all while dropping it like its hot and flicking their hair. Gosh, I wonder what the exploding champagne is supposed to symbolise???
As you can probably tell from this review, Koyote Bar is not my cup of tea. In fact, I think this place is God awful and plan to never come back again.