Pangaea

If you are the type of person that goes downtown for $ 400 bottles of Grey Goose then this is the place for you. Definitely a great spot for people watching. Seemed like about a ⁵⁰⁄₅₀ mix of actual rich kids and fake rich kids. The décor and lighting is interesting but the whole thing felt out of place in Austin — this would probably feel more normal in Dallas or Miami or something. The sound system is off-​balance but decent and the featured DJ was good — but even he seemed out of place in this kind of faux-​swank environment.
Definitely attractive, chic, fashionable, but not my style — and I’m sure they won’t miss me either.

When it’s 1:35am and the DJ completely *stops* the music and starts talking, it’s time to do one of two things: 1. throw a drink in his face mid-​monologue (about himself and how great Pangaea is); 2. walk out. 25 minutes left in the night and you’re going to squander it on advertising? What a pretentious piss-​hole this place is.
A tip: if you’re going to have the audacity to ever charge more than $ 5 cover, don’t let me go in on a free night to find: scruffy-​looking kids wearing t-​shirts they found balled-​up under their beds; backwards baseball hats; sneakers. Think it through, get it together. And fire that damn DJ.

Pangaea is proof that Austin is trying to become a city and not just a town. Pangaea is the first real dance club that we have found in Austin since we have moved here from Chicago. The music was good, the crowd was fun and friendly, and it really came to life after 11pm right up to closing.
Most clubs that we have visited in Austin are nothing more than bars with worn out wooden floors, and crumby seating and poor music. At Pangaea the ladies wore skirts and high heeled shoes (yeah!) and the men realized that there are in fact shirts made that actually have buttons and collars on them, and shoes that are made for going out and not just running. It was refreshing to find a real club with people dancing, having fun, and not just a cheap bar full of people just getting drunk.
The layout of the club was inviting with the bottle service area set up in rows down the middle of the club, and not in a separate VIP area. Drinks were high priced for Austin, but still cheaper than found in major metro areas around the country, plus there was no cover. The club could do better by loosing the animal heads, and the stockade walls and redesign the motif to be modern and elegant (but that may be too much for Austin).
While Pangaea does not rival the clubs that you will find in Chicago or NY, it is certainly a step in the right direction to turning Austin into a city. We’ll definitely be back.

Well, you get what you pay for. Sort of.
Pangaea is everything you hoped it would be, and much, much more. Whether that’s a good or bad thing depends on the person. Is it flashy? Yeah. Chic? Of course. Trendy and Edgy? Absolutely.
My can of beans? Eh.
The place is absolutely wild. I don’t recommend that any of you kids who regularly do the red river crawl come here, it’ll just be too much to take in.
In an attempt to avoid any sort of misogynistic commentary, I’ll briefly comment on those who patronize, and are employed at, Pangaea. The ladies are gorgeous. Maybe in that late night, dim lighting, lots of makeup and «downtown attire,» but still, no complaints here really. Bottles are, ahem, expensive (as expected of course), if you don’t reserve a table you’re kind of screwed in terms of being there for more than a little while. It’s like all those clubs in Night at the Roxbury: Long lines to get in, 1 guy for every 5 girls is admitted (yet there still manages to be too much dick on the dance floor), creepy bouncers, and over eager drunk girls celebrating their engagement/​singledom/​birthday/​abortion godknowswhat.
Just be warned, Pangaea is not for the faint at heart. Just like most places downtown, you’ve gotta have the right attitude going in or it’s doomed to be a failure.

Horrible place. They rope off the front and put two guys at the door, one who just talking to you like your reason for being there is just to chit chat with him, and the other just stands in silence with his stupid fake ear piece. The door guy is not in charge of anything other than creating the illusion of a line, but I assure you… there is no one in the club. Dancers can’t dance. Bartenders can’t tend. I’ve had better service from the waitstaff at IHOP.
You can’t call yourself an upscale club without having top quality sound, interior, and service. Putting a spray-​painted reed fence against the wall and tacking bamboo everyone isn’t upscale. Getting a girl to run around with sprinklers is not upscale. Putting deputy dog and boy wonder at the door to act like egotistical frat boys is not upscale.
Place is a rip-​off.
I agree with Bill: they can’t shut this place down soon enough for me.

Ugh, fucking wretched. If you enjoy having your out-​of-​state ID bendingly scrutinized just for the privilege of wading through pitch darkness, lethally deafening 80’s pop song remixes, and an alternately oblivious and aggressive ocean of wall-​to-​wall jostlers and flailers, then this is the place for you.

It’s just not my style. I like places where I can go in and buy a beer for $ 3, then hang out and shoot the breeze with my compadres (unless I am at a concert). I went here with a friend and left feeling as though my eardrums were assaulted by terrible techno crap.
Walking I got the feeling that everyone in there is buying bottles of Cristal, just to go home to their efficiency. Either that or there are a lot of really rich 20 year olds.
The décor was interesting to say the least. I particularly enjoyed the nude ladies on the walls. The porter was nice in the bathroom, but I guess that’s his job. The concept of a porter still kind of creeps me out by the way, I really don’t need someone to put soap in my hand.
The rest of the staff was rude. I remember they would not let my friend finish her drink, they literally came back and took it when it was half-​finished 10 minutes before they were closing. It’s not like they give that booze away.
Not planning on coming back here… ever.

Last night I ventured in and immediately took back all the mean things I’ve thought, said, and written about Pangaea.
It is REALLY dark, REALLY loud, and basically very crowded.
However, HOLYSCHMAMOLY, they had really really good music there. Like, really (hip adjective) house that I hadn’t experienced in a setting like this in far too long. Whoa. I was in love.
Now, still, I’d not go there if I wanted to be very social and like, meet strangers, but if you’re with a few people and really want to go into a really kind of emotionally charged environment (something about DARK LOUD and CROWDED) to get your dance on, then I’d say do it there.
(oh, and a note, I voted that all the photos of the place are not helpful because in my experience, if you’re there at night, you’ll not be able to see much past the next person you’re trying to get around and will probably be tripping on an inopportunely-​placed bench)

STAY FAR AWAY FROM HERE unless you are into cheesy dance music, cheesy people, and paying too much for your drinks.
Bringing Las Vegas to Austin is a bad idea. People go to Vegas to get a certain kind of experience you can’t get anywhere else. That’s what makes it what it is. Why would you want to make Austin cheesy like that?
Do 45 yr old women in mini skirts gross you out? Do like douchbag guys with greasy spiked hair, gold chains, and cheesy shoes? What about when you see one of those 40 something cougars kissing a 20 something douchbag? Yeah see… it’s a gross place!
For $ 250 you can buy a bottle of Crown Royal… I tell ya what; you can punch me in the face, kick me in the ass, and I will run down to the liquor store and bring you back a bottle of Crown for $ 250– sounds like a better deal doesn’t it?
So if you are rich and stupid you should have a really good time there! Enjoy petting the fake Zebra skins and waiting outside in line when the place isn’t even half full.

We left the Marq because one of our bachelorette party told us that she would buy bottles at Pangaea — ok, sounds good to us! There were 13 of us, and maybe it was because of our matching tank tops or just the draw of a bachelorette party, but they took us right in. Well, after the guy at the rope explained to me that it was Steve’s, the owner, birthday, and that he would give us free drinks at our table. We got upstairs, and I thought the décor was pretty nice — you could see the whole place at once, which I actually like so that I don’t get claustrophobic.
We headed up to Steve’s table — which was at the elevated tables at the side. There were indeed bottles and mixers, but they ran out fast, and by the time we actually got a taste, we were headed back to the table we got when one of ours bought a bottle of Grey Goose and a bottle of Kettle One. The waitress brought them over with sparklers for the lids, so everyone knew… and that was pretty cool. The tables were low with couches, and pretty soon we were up and dancing on them. I honestly expected to be reprimanded by management, but I guess they don’t care when you buy a bottle.
I was quite impressed by the DJ and the snare drummer. The DJ was doing remixes of all these old school rock songs, even Journey. It was awesome. The drummer was amazing and added more than you’d think to the atmosphere. The annoying part was these jets of compressed air/​smoke. They were so freakin noisy — they hurt my ears even more than the loud music!
I was not impressed by the half naked go go dancer. She moved around the club to various locations… and was only dancing about half the time… because the rest she was just kind of standing there or drinking water. And she did not have that good of a body for what she was wearing.
I’m not sure I’d go back, because I’m pretty sure that I’d be stopped at the velvet rope without someone buying bottles and 11 other girls and a bachelorette, but it was definitely an awesome time.

Pangaea is the kind of exotic safari-​themed ultra-​lounge we all dreamed about as kids. (Except for those nerd children that dreamed about becoming astronauts and curing cancer and shit).
Basically: ultra-​loud music, ultra-​hotties, and the finest ultra-​processed cheeses this side of the Atlantic.
Oooohhhh, it’s loud and scary and a beer cost $ 35. Boo fucking hoo, why don’t you cry about it.
Me, I drive here in five Lamborghinis at once. Yeah, I stack those bitches top to bottom.

Pangaea is nice club, but not one I would go to all the time. The clientele is attractive, but not anymore than you might find at half the clubs in downtown Austin. The drinks are comparable to what you pay in New York. Of course this is Austin, so I don’t really want want to pay New York prices unless I am in New York. Because you can dress up your club as much as you want, but no matter what you do it is still just a club in AUSTIN.
The music played is good to fair and is enhanced when the go-​go dancers are out. That being said recently when my girlfriend and I went to Pangaea where we turned around right after entering b/​c the music was deafening (not always like this). Though this was the first time ever that I felt like an 87 year old man complaining that the TV is to loud.
Overall experience. Drinks are overpriced, music is fair to good, patrons are fairly attractive, and the décor is nice. It is worth going to every once in a while, just don’t make this your only hang out in Austin.

I call this place «The Douchery».
Come on?
Yeah, that bad.
Granted, I went during an «event», so I didn’t have to put up with any crap, like a rope, waiting list, etc. But, what the heck do we need in ATX with a place that requires that stuff anyway.
I felt bad for the animals, that all that survived are their heads on the wall.
The décor. Um, I read in the Statesman that it cost more than a million dollars. Seriously, I could’ve taken care of that for about a grand or less.
Drinks are standard. But, doubtful that I’m going to pay $ 300 for a bottle of Jack. I get mine for $ 34 like everyone else, thank you very much.
And, the people who were there. Yes, I say again, it was an «event». But, I don’t need a hook up, and especially not with WANNABE pretentious a-​holes.
And, the stairs seem like a hazard, especially after buying and drinking that $ 400 bottle of booze.
BTW, where are you supposed to dance? Or, am I just going to wait in line to be «let in» to sit around and mingle. Ugh.
Just give me a mojito, or mexican martini and stick me outside on someone’s deck, please.

This place is awesome!
We had bottle service and what seemed to be our OWN bar back. The guy was on top of everything. As soon as an empty glass hit the table it was instantly gone and replaced with a new clean glass. When asked for another bottle or mixer it was provided in less than 5 minutes. The ice for the champagne bottles was constantly being changed out to prevent water being spilled on the table or on us. The beverage napkins with the Pangea logo were always promptly refilled and were always placed with the Pangea logo facing us. I noticed all of this while drunk (I’m a former pappasitos employee so i notice a lot of service details) and screaming at the top of my lungs because i was having such a blast. This type of service was done on a Saturday night at full capacity.
Without a doubt this place far exceeds any other night club in Austin. The downside is the price of everything there; however, you definitely pay more for stellar service and location.

Drinks are mediocre and overpriced. BEWARE — They automatically add 20% gratuity to the total, no matter how large or small the order. Who actually checks the line by line?! They cleverly still have a space for you to enter «tip» and «total» — easily making 40% off everyone!
Music is too loud. Carnal/​Caveman theme was pretty interesting, but not classy or upscale.

It’s a very new lounge in Austin with safari theme. The marketing and PR of Pangaea is very successful. I don’t know how they can always got hundreds of people waiting in line to get to their party. One time, one friend didn’t RSVP, he had to pay $ 20 to get in.
It’s at the second floor of Cuba Libre. Used to be the old Alamo drafthouse. The name is cool. Pangaea means the continents are one piece before they separated to the current configuration.
During SXSW, I went to facebook hosted party there. A lot of young people showed up. They offered free red bull drinks too.
Facebook brought several laptops for people surfing, no access to other sites, but facebook.
Later the band started the show. The singer is pretty young. I liked him, but the music is too loud. So I left early.
Sucks, this place doesn’t offer food.

This place is so authentically Africa!
1. It’s just the place I’d hang out after a hard day on safari– except they wouldn’t let me in, since I was dressed like I was on safari.
2. They don’t serve Shiner Bock. Slly, what do you think this is, Texas? (Apparently, Dos Equis is the preferred beer of the dark continent.)
3. You will probably see live cougars lurking about. (The kind that walk on two legs and wear chanel no 5)
oh yes pangaea i mock you. mock, mock, mock.

Expectation: World class sound system.
Reality: Yes
Expecation: World class DJs
Reality: Yes (but «safe» ones, not cutting edge)
Expectation: Cutting edge design
Reality: Yes. But I don’t get the whole fake Safari thing. Pretend themes are hokey in a Joe’s Crab Shack fake seaboat kind of way. Go for the real deal.
Expectation: Party like you’re in Vegas or Manhattan
Reality: People party in Vegas, NYC, Cali, New Olreans where it doesn’t close down at 2am. If you want to party you still need to leave Austin. A party that ends at 2am is for amateurs.
Expectation: New style of Club
Reality: Chain bar Chain store.
Expectation: Superb service comes with bottle service
Reality: Your server got hired for her looks, not skills. The automatic tip means they don’t work for a tip. They just walk around half naked and disinterested and take your money. You make drinks yourself.
Expectation: The price of the bottle is the price you pay
Reality: You pay more. There’s a 20% automatic gratituty. Your $ 300 bottle is really $ 360 after $ 60 tip. With around 25 drinks in a bottle that’s a $ 2.40 tip per drink. You are making the drinks yourself.
Expectation: Bottle service is a good value
Reality: $ 275 for the bottle plus 20% auto tip is $ 330. With 25 drinks in the bottle that’s $ 13 per drink. If your table doesn’t finish the whole bottle you have still spent money on several $ 13 drinks. You can’t take it home. At real bars you can order by the drink and get hammered with 7 – 8 drinks for under $ 50
Reality: Get there early. If you open a bottle late, you will waste most of your bottle with closing time fast approaching.
Expectation: Bottle service is somehow more convenient
Reality: No one at our table of 6 had what we wanted. With our differing likes of Scotch vs Makers vs Titos vs Ketel One, we compromised on a bottle of Grey Goose. We were stuck with this choice for the next 25 drinks. The carafe mixers get watered down.
Reality: Regular table service waitresses are funner, you can order drinks of different liquor types, and have it made it for you and be served. You pay per drink as you go. Real waitresses act nice because they are working for tips unlike bottle service.
Expectation: Bottle service is funner
Reality: It is fun in a cook your own food restaurant kind of way. I think ordering different shots is funner than being stuck with one liquor. We usually do different types with each round to liven things up. Since our bottle had 20+ shots of liquor already, it doesn’t make sense to buy even more. We were trying to finish our bottle before closing to get our money’s worth.
Expectation: Bottle service is elegant or classy
Reality: You aren’t served, not very classy. People get sloppy after serving themselves «triples» from the bottle. Please somehow weed out the douches getting wasted. Nothing frat or wasted is classy. Outside going home this wasted chick (seen inside earlier) was behind her Ford Excursion sitting at 4^th & Colorado talking on her cell phone. She thought she was pulled over out of the way, but her SUV was blocking a whole lane of traffic while she yapped on the phone. At least she wasn’t driving over someone.
Expectation: Hot Pangaea Dancers
Reality: If you want to pay to see women dance, just go to the Yellow Rose. It’s kind of sad/​weird to old men stare at a semi-​clothed Pangaea dancer. Plus drinks are cheaper at strip clubs (never thought that was possible)
Expectation: Party
Reality: Yes. But there’s a vibe that it’s amatuer night. Lame people need to spend and pay for a party because they can’t party on their own. Not saying everyone was like that, but a lot did give off that vibe.
Pangaea Austin is not their first rodeo, they have opened a well designed club. Even the outside door looks cool. It has good sound. But that’s about it.
A lot of other people have been «sold the dream» of Pangaea. But take off your star struck glasses and you will see much ado about nothing. It’s not a good value, it’s not good service, bottle service is an inconvenient concept, and I’m scared of liquor wasted amatuers.

Pangaea’s a global chain that has now invaded Austin. If there is any indication that Austin is now on the map as a booming metropolis, this is it. (New York, London, Spain, Miami, and … Austin!!!) If you made an effort to come here, you probably won’t be disappointed… if you’re more of a emo’s/red-eyed fly person, then you probably can’t wait to leave unless you were piss drunk.
I didn’t get to experience Pangaea for too long, my buddy hurled while climbing up the stairs on the way in, so I only had about 30 minutes to chug 3 beers. In that time span I can tell you that it’d be a great place to end the night, there aren’t too many non-​gay places in the warehouse district where there’s a dedicated dancefloor. The DJ plays all kinds of dance/​techno/​trance, not really my cup of tea but at least it wasn’t a bunch of generic crap which is always good.
Drinks were surprisingly cheap (or I was surprisingly drunk), especially compared to Qua, the other ballerama establishment opened recently. And the thing I dig most… alotta places to sit. Not sure if I buy the whole safari theme though, having been to some safari lodges but then again it IS a nightclub.
Negatives I guess would be the absence of a patio or outdoor place for smokers and the scantily-​clad creepy dancer marauding along the wall. She looked either coked-​up or genuinely disinterested. I didn’t even notice her for the first 15 minutes i was there, it was like attack of the ninja stripper…

1. I hope Larry C. doesn’t get a «digi pic» from his «deep throat» contact at Muse Architects as it would be nice for this to be revealed to the public at opening. I am sure the owners and investors would appreciate it.
2. The opening date has not been revealed, and will not be revealed until design/​construction is further along.
3. Insert link to site I created about a book I wrote about FICO scores.
4. Insert link to site I created about women who cheat.
5. This now concludes my non-​review.