Hampton Village Resort

Wow. You know the old movies with the gruff, unkempt looking guy behind the filthy, cluttered counter, and NO heat in the room. Yeah, this is the place. Resort?! It should be illegal for this place to use the word in their name. I almost turned around and left as soon as I came in the door, but I knew they’d charge me anyway, and I couldn’t afford that. So the creepy looking guy gives me the keys, I lug my luggage up the creaky, worn out stairs, into the WREAKING hall (combination of cigarette smoke and old, dirty carpet), and opened the door of my room with the weird little outdated electronic key. No key cards here, oh no! The room was freezing. OK, don’t panic, let’s figure this out. The ancient wall thermostat was pegged at 90. Ok, that’s not going to get me anywhere. There was a very faded more overt the wall thermostat that if you needed more heat to turn on the AC unit, which was also a heater. So, apparently the wall thermostat hadn’t worked in years. The wall AC was waay up on the wall, so I had to climb on the bed to read the directions. Turn the the dial to Heat, turn the temperature to Warm, all will be well, right??! No such luck, only blowing cold air. Time to, *gulp* call the front desk. The guy played with it for a few minutes, then finally came to the conclusion it was broken. He said he’d put me in a different room. Hallelujah! He came back a couple minutes later lugging an old, scrapped up oil heater, claiming the only rooms were too expensive; basically cope, fool. Darn good thing I brought my footie pajamas. And to make the whole experience even more special, the toilet paper holder is literally 4 feet from the toilet. After all this all I wanted to do was relax and watch a movie on my phone. Oh, wait, their internet doesn’t work on smart phones, only laptops. I should have paid a few more bucks for a standard chain hotel. Never, ever again, and if I can save someone from this nasty place it’ll be a good thing.