Barbarella Houston

Favorite bar in Houston AND Austin. Discovered this gem back in my UT days and was pleasantly surprised to find a Barbarella in Houston too. Just as inclusive, upbeat and fun as the Austin one. Love it!

This review is based on the potential Barbarella has to be an amazing spot for a great night. Due to a bad weather forecast, it seems no one in Houston wanted to risk going out on a Friday night, so the whole place was completely dead at 11pm on a Friday night… except for a 50-​something year old couple dancing tango on the dance floor. What?
Anyway, this place is the definition of dive. It’s kind of gross, but awesome at the same time and I can tell why my friends in Houston love coming here to drink and dance the night away. Maybe during my next Houston visit weather will cooperate and I can boogie myself, not tango.

Having lived in Austin and being a huge fan of the Barbarella on Red River, I had high hopes for this place. I think the best way to describe it is «hit-​or-​miss.» The drinks are super crappy (like worse than well drinks on 6^th street crappy) but the music is good, and if you’re feeling dance-​y, then you will definitely get to do that here (if it’s a «hit» type of night). There was a few months last year where I could be found here on a Saturday night, no question.
My main bone to pick is with the rude people who work there. The bartenders for the most part all seem like they hate being there and are generally miserable about having to work behind a bar that lights up blue. And I get that it totally sucks to have to sit in a little box by the door and collect money from already-​drunk people, but for those of us who do walk in sober, we notice when you’re being snarky. Previous times I have come past whatever time it is when they start collecting a cover charge, I’ve paid this cover with my credit card, as they had a square cube card reader. Last weekend, I came in all excited to dance my ass off when my vibe was promptly decimated by the nasty snark of a girl sitting by the door collecting cover. I walk in holding my card. She rolls her eyes and tells me it’s cash only. Fine, but that’s annoying considering the last time I was here, I paid with a card. The guy standing next to her rolls his eyes and says «we only have that sometimes.» Can someone tells me how that makes any sense at all? It’s called «precedent» people, don’t set it if you aren’t going to uphold it. So whatever — she snarkily says there’s an ATM. We get cash can come back and hand her the $ 20 bill and she’s like, «Who is this for?» When I point to myself and my boyfriend, she promptly proceeds to mock us pointing while she takes our money. Seriously, whoever you are, doorgirl, you really suck at being «welcoming» perhaps you should consider a job where you don’t actually have to interact with people.
Long story short: Dear Barbs, please consider not hiring snarky, heinous people. They’re wet blankets, nobody likes that, especially when your drinks are crap (we just won’t want to spend our money here.) Please take a note from the Austin Barbs and actually be… oh I don’t know… a cool place where cool people work/​hang out?

Drinks: ²⁄₅
Service: ⁴⁄₅
Cleanliness: ⁰⁄₅
Décor & Style: ⁴⁄₅
This place cracks me up. My friends and I call it club Zion referencing the Zion party in the Matrix. On the dance floor, your body is touching at least 3 other people’s and they are all sweaty. I am pretty sure the AC doesn’t work in this place. It is super crowded so the service is somewhat slow. Poor drinks selection but it’s a dance club so I didn’t expect much. ⁰⁄₅ for cleanliness, however ⁴⁄₅ overall because I had a good time here!

Drinks used to be amazing here but tonight, we had makers on the rocks and it really just took me three sips and I was finished… and it was still $ 7! Saddest drink in my life. I thought the bartender had accidentally poured a shot and added ice. Shots were poured maybe ¹⁄₃ of the cup. And the shot cups are already smaller than other places yet they charge the same prices. I wish I could give 0 stars

A left wing liberal’s wet dream. Right on the edge of midtown where midtown meets the ghetto. Lots of crackheads in this area. The crackheads try to act like parking attendants and demand money from you to park on the surrounding streets. I suggest a flame thrower to incinerate them. I wouldn’t park to far from this club because you have a good chance of getting mugged and assaulted.
The only reason I would consider this place is the cheap drinks and no cover before 12. Sound system sucks. small dance floor.

My wife is 41 and didn’t have ID. This place is ridiculous and wouldn’t let us in. They suck!

Barbarella’s location definitely sucks, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it? If it were located in a strip mall somewhere with plenty of parking and no local color, it wouldn’t have that «Studio 54» vibe the owners were going for.
Most of the patrons haven’t even heard of the campy space-​sex comedy it’s named after, nor do they know who «Hanoi Jane» is.
The girls who dance here are smoking hot, but aren’t over-​dressed, stuck-​up (w)itches like ones who haunt a nearby club.
The street hustlers who live under the Pierce Elevated and skulk down from McDonalds’ free restrooms up the street around closing time, seem more menacing than they probably are. But your automobile might not be safe, especially if you park on a side street away from San Jacinto.
If you take an UBER to the club, plan on walking across San Jacinto (to the SE) so your driver doesn’t have to turn onto McIlhenny crossing over to Fannin to pick you up, or just walk down the block to Fannin but don’t cross to the side near Cle’, where there is a major traffic jam every night. There are swarms of UBER drivers in the area around closing time, so it’s not hard to get a ride home.

Hahaha I went here with my mom and my family one night, cause she’s a straight baller and likes to boogie. The crowd was mostly mid twenties to mid thirties, they played a lot of indie pop on a Friday.
The stage is dope, very Eastern European feel to it with the slick icy looking glass. There’s plenty of room to spread out. It was definitely a little dirty in there, and the bar tenders were terribly unfriendly. They gave nothing but blank faces and frowns upon just saying hello. Other than the bad service this place was fun!

I came here to meet a coworker and initially it seemed like a cool establishment. However, as 2:00 am approached, a staff member confiscated my drink without even asking for permission. This is clearly horrible customer service. My recommendation is to NEVER go to Barbarella, unless you want your drink to be rudely confiscated.

After a couple bars, one of the guys in the group insisted we go here. This was the first time I met this guy, but he was friends with one of the ladies in the group. I was down to check it out because I have never been and it looked interesting when I had passed it. Also interesting ode to the Jane Fonda 1968 film. Should have known it was going to not be your average Houston bar.
What looked like a warehouse from American Psycho with plastic sheet hanging down, turned out to be one weird night. Let’s just leave it at that.
The drinks being a reasonable price, for being in Midtown, almost got the place a second star but then I reconsidered. This place flat out sucked.
Will I be back? Not just no, but a hell no!

90’s night on Thursdays. Do yourself a favor. Put on your comfy shoes and goooo! The dj is awesome! I danced the entire time I was there. It gets crowded later in the night, but not too crowded to dance and move around some. Played the best of the 90’s! Very laid back atmosphere! No need to dress up or anything… unless you want! People were dressed in jeans and t-​shirts to dresses. Very comfortable environment! Drinks are good. Served in small plastic cups but they are cheap so no complaints here!
ONLY downside I noticed was there was very limited parking. Maybe 15 – 20 spots so try and get there a little early. However there is some parking on the streets nearby.
Overall FUN FUN FUN! Will be back soon!

Went the other night on Thursday (90s night) for the first time and had a BLAST. Usually my friends and I go to other places in midtown such as Red Door, and although we have a great time there too, this place was awesome because it was not pretentious at all, cheap drinks ($ 4 whiskey cokes), great music, and not ridiculously packed. If you feel like dancing the night away, go to Barbarella!

Went for the Selena birthday celebration and had a BLAST. Shots and sticky floors and screaming Spanish songs all night long — give me more!
I recommend bringing cash for drinks. It helps slow you down.
Laid back atmosphere with people just there to dance. Every time we go it’s a good time.
Tips: Get there early — I’m talking, 9 or 10 — for parking convenience. You can have a drink or two in the meantime while you wait for the crowds.
For street parking, I recommend Fannin on the left hand side. But honestly, if you don’t come early, take an Über. Don’t let parking discourage you from such an awesome club.

I went Saturday and it was definitely not what I expected. It was cool but I could see my hands in front of my face due to the fog machine having orgasms all night. Low and behold I’m pretty sure 60% of the club was heavily sedated or mildly #craycray :) Me and my people truly had a great drunken experience.. I’ll definitely go back but I won’t be dressed so nicely…
It’s a laid back establishment.
Good drinks.
Sat night — 80s night so the music was a little out of my jurisdiction but after 3 shots, 2 long islands, a 3 vodka sours I was Barbarella ’ Saturday night video vixen.

Houston so desperately needs a dance club like Barbarella… located in pretty much ANY OTHER PART OF TOWN!
I’m an avid dancer and no delicate flower, but you DO NOT go walking into the neighborhood locals refer to as the «crack market» after dark unless you want to be the next body that gets found floating face down in Buffalo Bayou.
I was ready to compromise. I drove, even though I was in walking distance. It felt a little ridiculous, but, for you, Barbarella [heart] … Then I found nowhere safe to park for less than double-​digit dollars. In my case, I can’t justify $ 10 parking just to bypass a couple blocks for a couple hours unless I’ve got a friend getting married there or an annual mammogram scheduled under one of the laser lights.
— — — -
Note on Parking:
(AKA, Why Did Phillip W. Call It «Sketchy»?)
There is a difference between «nowhere to park,» and «nowhere SAFE to park.» There were a few street spaces. I saw maybe half a dozen while cruising the perimeter — ALL occupied by either:
— homeless-​looking cons trying to wave you in to ask for money (for having «saved» that spot, and to «watch» your car while you’re gone; generally harmless, but if you go this route, be aware they don’t mind guiding you into spaces where you can be ticketed [within 10 feet of a stop sign, etc.]), or
— groups of 4+ thug-​looking individuals who aren’t the type to ask that nicely. (Observation based on a Rich’s experience. Never approach your car if they’re nearby and you’re alone or have only one other person with you.)
I did see one man wearing a police uniform on the back side of the block. Not near the loiterers, and I didn’t see an official vehicle anywhere. He was peering into people’s cars. Draw your own conclusions.
— — — -
I wish I could write a review about the inside of Barbarella, but I never made it out of my car. I gave up and returned to the other side of the tracks. [EDIT: I tried to come back some months later with a professional male dancer in tow, but the only place we found at that corner seemed very confused on the subject of male dancers, so we’re pretty sure we ended up at Limelight. Will third try someday be the charm???]
There’s a homeless population on the west side of the tracks that you can walk past in relative safety, armed with nothing more than a firm and confident «no.» You’ll frequently see legitimate policemen patrolling or parked in the alleyways.
On the east side — Barbarella’s side — is the aggressive element. Once the sun goes down, you either better have a «don’t f*** with me» aura and something self-​defensive in your pocket, or be adept at pretending that you do.
And so, with the world’s tiniest violin playing the world’s saddest song, I submit my plea:
BARBARELLA, PLEEEEEASE RELOCATE! Anywhere directly along Main Street, if Midtown is your thing, or west of the tracks, or Montrose for that «Austin» feel. I’m all for thrill-​seeking in a semi-​controlled environment, like skydiving or dating an ex or eating the salsa at Chapultepec when your a$$ is already bleeding, but visiting you in your current location is a non-​gender-​specific, asking-​for-​it kind of risky behavior. :(
P. S. — What’s up with your website? It’s in Japanese, and it wants to design my house or office. o. o
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — -
Apr. 7 — Someone sent me a message pitying my discomfort in this area of Midtown which he says is undergoing «gentrification.» I do acknowledge that the west side of the Metro Rail is seeing a gentrification, and it would be awesome if Barbarella took advantage of that (like I said).
However, within just a 2-​block radius of Barbarella are two 24-​hour bus transit centers (Grayhound, El Expreso), at least one homeless shelter, a 24-​hour XXX «Gym» («Club Houston»; reviewers say the upstairs is just a place to smoke crack, apparently after you get bored of pornos and sex), the San Jose Free Clinic, etc. THESE THINGS DO NOT GENTRIFY, especially when they’re packed together that densely. As another reviewer (Joseph S.) pointed out, you have to make a special trip AWAY from Midtown’s cluster of other gentrified nightlife to get there.
Since at least one person, however, felt so strongly about the safety of this area that he was compelled to speak up on its behalf — regardless of how the area looks when one actually sees it on a regular basis /​has to call the police about once a month /​constantly finds empty prescription bottles, broken weapons, human defecation, empty stolen purses and luggage at nearby bus shelters /​etc. — I should also acknowledge that women, when alone, will tend to have a different experience in the world than men will (or groups of friends traveling together will). Some differences of opinion may be attributable to that.
Until I have occasion to visit Barbarella with «safety in numbers,» that’s as fair and balanced as this review is gonna get. :P

Thursday = 90s music
Friday = New Noise
Saturday = 80s music
The club opens around 10, but is packed elbow to elbow by 11:30. The music is great, the vibe is better. The DJ keeps the energy going. Most people here are laid back, and we have made many new friends here.
The sound system is a bit heavy on the treble (turn the subs up!), but you will still dance your ass off.
The drinks are served in small plastic cups crammed full of ice. You can drink it in a couple of sips. Only $ 6 per drink.
Tip: Parking here is almost non-​existent. There are about 20 parking spaces. Get here early if you don’t want to drive around looking for a space on the street.

Definitely one of the better dance clubs in Houston. There is a pretty good mix of people here too. We came at around 11pm and found parking very easily 1 block away. Upon arriving my friend didn’t bring her ID, but the doorman let her in anyway, so that was cool.
Once inside, you enter the room where the bar is located. Several people inside but we were able to walk right up to the bar and get drinks quickly. Started scoping out the dancefloor and there were maybe 20 people dancing. Went to the bar 2 more times and purchased drinks with ease. Drinks were cheap, ordered wells for $ 4 each.
The dance floor isn’t that big, but there are 2 elevated floors to the sides of the main floor to use. Also a few outdoor areas to stand, drink or smoke.
Music was pretty good too, and was a mix of every type of music they typically play here on this particular night: 80s, 90s, and new noise. There were a few R&B songs thrown in every now and then to cater to everyone in the audience.
As far as looks, the place isn’t upscale by any means. It’s sorta an average club but thankfully not nearly as old or grimy feeling like you would have at say Numbers. There is a small room off the back of the dance floor that leads to an exit, which contains 2 classic arcade games, in case you get bored dancing i guess?

I don’t usually write reviews for dance clubs but I had to write one for Barbarrella purely for the fact that this place is just awesome-​sauce!
I’ve only been here on Friday and Saturday nights so I can only comment about those two nights. Every other night in the week? Well, you’re on your own for that.
First thing first, this place is not pretentious. And I’m always down for a non pretentious place. There hasn’t been a line (at least in all of my visits) to get in and there’s no cover charge. Drinks are SUPER cheap — well, obviously not as cheap as drinking at home. But for a midtown dance club? Heck yeah, it’s cheap. A Tito’s/Sprite and a Crown on the Rocks ran me $ 12. That’s it. The bartenders are awesome and fast. I never have to wait too long to get my drink on.
Now let’s talk music. Thursday night is 90’s night. It’s kind of slow if you come in around 10 — 11 pm. The place doesn’t really get more people coming in until maybe around midnight. Even then, it’s not as crazy packed as it is on a Friday or Saturday night. However, just watching the music videos of the songs being played is entertainment in itself. I had so much laugh!
Friday night it was more of a mix. They played remixes of alternative songs such as Cherub’s Doses and Mimosas or something by the Black Keys and you’ll hear some EDM also. The people that come here are generally pretty easy going. Nobody stuck up that I’ve run into yet. So that’s always a plus.
Saturday night is 80’s night. Oh yeah, fun 80’s music. They play everything you want to hear and also some that you want to forget about (I’m talking about you, Eddie Murphy’s «Party All The Time.») Although in all fairness, when you’re drunk, any dance music is good music.
They also have a separate area inside the club that has some seats and what not. I don’t usually spend too much time in there because I’m too busy dancing. Oh, there are some beanie bags also! And let’s not forget the upstairs lounge area if you’re feeling a little cramped inside and you want to get some fresh air.
Parking is not bad. Free parking on the parking lot if you get there early enough and plenty of parking on the streets around the club. The farthest I ever had to walk is about a block and a half. If you’re a woman who loves to wear high heels, that might be a long walk. But since I’m usually in my leather sneakers, that’s only a hop, skip, and jump away. But you don’t really wanna wear high heels to this place anyway. Wear something comfortable and dance the night away without having to worry about falling on your face. For real. Don’t be pretentious.
Anyway, this has got to be one of my favorite places around Midtown area. Definitely will go back again. And again. And again. And again. And if you ever see me there, come say hi and as Bowie said, «Let’s Dance!»

Barbarella is one of the top places to dance in Houston — but not for booty music or any of that other kind of Top 40, rap, hip-​hop, Katy Perry/​Nicki Minaj crap. It’s strictly 80s. Think New Wave (my fave), synth pop, soft rock…
Drinks are cheap — and are served in plastic cups. There’s a big dance floor complete with a smog machine, laser lights, and video screens. You’ll find some seating, lots of bar space
No valet, cover or paid parking.
…It’s kinda like Etro, but far less intimate. Honestly, I prefer Etro, but if you want a venue that can fill more people — say, for a large birthday dance party — Barbarella ain’t so bad.