Starbucks

Every time I come here I get a different price and a different taste in my drink. Nothing ever seems consistent here at this location.

Okay, so I go to Starbucks to get a coffee this morning, only… I go to a different one and there is no parking. So I’m like «whatevs, I’m only gonna be in there for a few minutes» and I park right next to a NO PARKING sign. In my defense, it was slightly behind a tree, but… still visible.
So, me and my bud go in and get our drinks. The Barista (a.k.a. 12 grade student on work release) looks at me like I have 3 heads when I ask him to make a Venti Iced Eggnog Latte w/​an extra shot. I was shocked at his response. He says «No one has ever ordered that before»… Really!!! Its fucking Eggnog and coffee. One of which is specifically drank cold. The other, sometimes drank cold. Plus, Do I look like I care!!!
So I get my UNIQUE drink and walk back to my car to find two rent-​a-​cops circling my car. My buddy bails on me and says «I’m walking back to work» and proceeds to walk off… Ha! So there I am… all alone. So I proceed to walk up to these two characters. I call them characters because they seemed like they were straight out of a cartoon or comedy movie. The one guy was wearing a cast, and is about 5 feet tall. Not to mention chubby. The other guy is his polar opposite. He is bizzarro, short guy. Standing at about 6′ 9″ and weighing in at 160 lbs, it’s… stereotypical rent-​a-​cop guy!
Like I said, I walk up to these characters and say «Is there a problem?» The short guy without skipping a beat gets in my face and says «Yeah, there’s a problem! You parked in the middle of the road!»
Road? Trust me it was no road, and I let him know that. It was more of a pseudo parking lot slash alleyway. So I say «This isn’t a road this is an alley.» Then he replied with some kind of attempt to correct me, but I wasn’t listening.
I turned my back to him and look at the tall guy. He jokes, «Looks like you almost hit the NO PARKING sign with your door as you got out!» He then glances at his partner chuckling as if wanting some sort of acceptance.
So, I say «How do you know? What, were you watching me as I pulled up? If you were, you would have noticed two other cars parked right next to mine. Did you see those?» I look at the little, broken-​arm guy… At this point, I realize by both of their body language, that the tables have turned and they (for some reason) are backing off FAST! The midget says «No. No, I didn’t see the other cars.»
I go, «Hmm…» as if to strengthen my point. Then I look at the tall guy and say «Well, if you would put that NO PARKING sign where people could actually SEE it, maybe we wouldn’t have this problem!»
He talks back, «Well, someone must have moved it. Its usually right here» and he points right where my front left tire is.
I turn up the aggression, «Oh! So OBVIOUSLY you think I moved it, huh?!»… He steps back. «No, no… that’s not what I think at all.»
I decide at this point to quit while I’m ahead and I say, «I’ll tell you what. Why don’t I move my car out of your way, huh?» I throw up the hand quotes when I say move, and I get in my car. This seemed to put him a bit at ease, and he puts on an apologetic tone «Look, I was trying to make light of this situation by joking about you hitting the NO PARKING sign. See? I’m even going to take this slip off of your windshield» and he pulls off an official ‘note’ off my windshield. Just before I close my door and drive away, I say «You might want to put that NO PARKING sign somewhere where people can SEE it in the future, thanks.»
It was the greatest feeling taking on two (obviously) stupid security guards. They, no doubt, are stuck in that job because their tiny brains aren’t qualified for anything else. It was also a little bit liberating to be a total dick to two strangers. You should try it sometime!