Blow Pony

At first I was a little worried about being in this warehouse type place, but I loved the atmosphere inside. The music was great, the entertainment was fun. It was difficult to get drinks because it was so packed, but I was having so much fun I didn’t care. Water jugs were available so you don’t have to go to a bartender for water. The deck was open, so when it got too hot inside, we could go outside for some fresh air. A wonderful evening!

Always a fun time here! Cheap cover (~$ 5) for a night of dancing and debauchery with a crazy group of people with all sorts of different backgrounds and lifestyles.

I don’t even remember leaving. It was like a trashy-​gay-​kanye west music video and I’m kinda into that.

Yes, STEFAN… PDX’s hottest club is…“BLOW PONY!”
Ever since I first stepped foot on Portland last month and checking out the scene, there was one event I heard about via Unilocal!and it was Blowpony which only happens every 4^th Saturday. The last time we were here was unfortunately NOT a 4^th Saturday. We finally found a golden moment to head back down yesterday on an unordinary nearing the end of summer August Saturday and Blowpony made it an unforgettable night!
Anna B.‘s review says it all… I looove Stefan during SNL’s weekend update and the imaginative sh*t he comes up with are high-​larious and when Anna B.‘s review made it seem like a real version of the clubs Stefan describes, I definitely had some high expectations and yesterday’s Blow Pony did not disappoint!
We first started with a starter drink at Scandals, followed by whetting our appetites at Silverado’s, and then we were pumped to head to Rotture/​Branx to finish the night off Blow Pony style. We were debating on how to get there since it was across the bridge, and decided to walk there via Burnside Bridge from downtown and to be honest with you it wasn’t that bad of a walk and saved us money from getting a taxi or pedicab. The industrial district is definitely a change in scenery from downtown but it wasn’t hard to find the venue.
Rotture/​Branx is definitely a «filthy, hot sweaty mess»! It reminded me of a bigger nastier version of «Fusions» for those who know of that über popular gay club out in Waikiki, HI. The crowd is just about everything you can dream of and the music in the two to three different rooms although a bit quirky, was upbeat enough to dance and jump around.
I didn’t think we’d stay that long but we ended up staying until the house lights came on… if you’re in PDX on a 4^th Saturday, definitely Blow Pony should be on your to-​do list… it definitely fits the weird quirky style of Portland to the max and once again makes me love this city just a bit more each time!

I love this place. Let me validate, I am straight. this is a great place to go and dance when feeling asexual.
My tip if you are a man get drinks on the bottom floor. Ladies top floor. Stick with that and you get strong pours.
Music is a letdown. Wish they went with a rivethead/​industrial/​punk mix. My friends make fun of over half of the music played.

The best thing to come from SNL in years is, without a doubt, Stefon, the über-​hip club kid and City Correspondent on SNL’s Weekend Update. His recommendations for things like «family-​friendly holiday activities» or Mother’s Day brunch inevitably begin with «NY’s hottest club is…» and he then goes on to describe completely absurd parties that sound like «visions a dying gay man would have if he was under too many blankets», including all-​night secret raves featuring performance art like «human luggage» (midgets on roller skates you wheel through airports).
Compare some Stefon skits with the usual descriptions of Blow Pony, and I’ll bet my boa you might not be able to distinguish them. After all, BP’s got bears, chubs, hawks, cocks, pigs, trannys, queens, shirt lifters, pillow biters, crap stabbers, furries, femmes, and knob shiners. Stefon would feel right at home, especially if it was Teddy Graham Night (you know… men with short arms and big bellies).
Blow Pony, a monthly event, was started in 2007 as a place where «all our brothers and sisters felt welcome and loved.» They list their primary concerns and involvement as being in queer rights, trans rights, women’s rights, and «a search in the dumpster for more trash.» There’s a big sign at the entrance making it known that if you are racist, homophobic, sexist, or just generally do not like hard-​partyin’ weirdos, this is not the party for you.
The venue itself (Rotture/​Branx) is a filthy, hot, sweaty mess, and it does get packed to the gills. You will meet new friends. You will get drinks spilled on you. You will be dripping sweat from head to toe. You will dance with strangers. You will see people of every imaginable body type wearing anything from… well, nothing, to clown suits, to pony costumes, to dominatrix outfits. You will also see people in jeans and tshirts; it’s definitely not about the wacky get-​ups but those are a bonus.
There are generally 4 – 5 different DJs for each event, both upstairs (Rotture) and downstairs (Branx), frequently out-​of-​town guests and some local celebs. There’s a no-​frills bar on each level, pouring beer and simple mixed drinks in plastic cups. The bathroom lines get insane. Just past the pinball machines on the upper level, there’s a rickety old deck that I cannot believe has not been shut down yet. It gets so goddamned hot in the party, everyone pours onto the deck, and you can feel the damn thing swaying, like it’s going to give out any second. It overlooks the Tazo tea factory, which gives off a most wonderful aroma, thank God.
I’ve seen some wicked crazy shit at these parties. I don’t really have a more eloquent way to put that. Once, a woman on stage in a hot teal corset threw a chain around my neck. I found out later it was a famous singer that I didn’t recognize. At the last BP I attended, I got motorboated, on stage, by a woman in red underpants, and danced with a man dressed as a skunk. This was moments before we convinced an especially attractive but normally shy friend of ours to ascend the go-​go dancer platform. Clothing was removed, and that’s probably as much as I should say.
Five stars for the enthusiasm and for Keeping Portland Weird, though I could break that down to less for some of the trickier aspects of these events, like the super-​long lines, icky bathrooms and occasionally less-​than-​stellar DJs. BUT, I still go with a fiver for the general wacky experience. There is a good time to be had here, people. When the DJs are good, they are very good.
One of my favorite Stefon bits — «New York’s hottest club is Twice… where you will be greeted at the door by a Rabbi that looks like Joaquin Phoenix… and human fire hydrants. You know, it’s that thing when high-​waisted midgets have, like, the red pants and the big ass.»
Or, even better — «New York’s hottest club is Creep… lights, psychos, furbies, and screaming babies in Mozart wigs.»
I wouldn’t put any of those things past Blow Pony, no sir. If Bill Hader, the gifted actor who plays this Stefon gentleman ever comes to town, I will make it my personal mission to get him to attend, solely for more (and non-​fiction!) material for the skit. It’s a helluva good time and one of about 178 764 reasons I love Portland, where this kind of debaucherous behavior is not only normal, but welcomed and encouraged. We are blessed, dear reader. Blessed by the Pony.
Psst: If you haven’t seen a Stefon skit, here’s an example