Captain Ankeny’s Well

Excellent place to sit our side and watch the vibe that is Portland. Next to Voodoo doughnuts, and neighbor to several other bars, you get the full mix: tourists, locals, drug dealers, pan handlers, etc.
Prices are reasonable, and has full bar. Pizza by the slice is really good.
Waitstaff is friendly and efficient.

I ordered a pie, to go, from this place. Whoops, bad idea. Maybe it would have been better if i had ordered it in, but that shouldn’t matter…
I got home to a very floppy, doughy, poorly laid out pizza!

Best pizza on the waterfront. Fresh and good, made on site and sold by the slice. One of my favorites and a must have when hanging at Saturday Market. Kids love it too.

This place is OK. Maybe a tad down from actually being «A-​OK», but OK, nonetheless. Was waiting for a happy hour prices to go into effect nearby and needed shelter (and booze) from the storm, so my friend and I ducked in here. The place is odd, I’m pretty sure I was in here one night long ago while out on the town. But the bartender was friendly enough, as were the patrons. Drinks weren’t too pricy, so I had myself two!
Now the cool thing here is that they have a show on weekends — or Saturdays and sometimes another day, or something or whatever. I asked the bartender a million questions which she happily answered. Acrobats flying and shit, are they dressed sexy? I hope so! A big round spot built in to the bar for something or other. I really didn’t get it all — but it sounded like it could be so cool. Save for the fact that the place is built so you can only see the small stage from one half of the the restaurant, And they have NO onlines presence it seems. WTF?
If you’re gonna do it (something wierd in Portland — or anywhere), than do it right, goddamnit! So I applaud the idea and some minimal effort but look forward to hearing more about this place. There’s a place in Seattle that has people flying around while you eat and it sounded so awesome… better the way they describe it, of course.

This place just is what it is. It’s a place to get a drink… don’t expect anything more because you won’t get it.

A small bar with big ambitions.
The corner sports a stage area replete with a silk rope for acrobats.
The bathrooms even call out that video recording (including cell phones) are banned from their performances.
Their beer is good though.
Their bar could be smaller… I’m not sure what the purpose of the huge circle is…
Is it supposed to be a round table?
Anyways, if you have friends who insist on getting doughnuts, you can easily use this place as a much needed oasis from the tourists, lines and weird peo– ehhhh…
Maybe not the weird people… Portland does pride itself on being weird. ;-p

real nasty hole here
everything dirty
rude staff
BLECH!

Decent pizza, decent drinks, and CHEAP. I use this spot as a jump-​off whenever I travel. I’ll have farewell drinks with my ride before I catch the max to the airport (old town /​chinatown stop is 2 blocks away) and when i get back, ill catch the max to the well to wait for my ride for a simple curbside pickup.

I am known for writing honest reviews and this review will be no different.
You will never find me frequenting Captain Ankeny’s Well after my experience today.
The family and I ordered some sandwiches from Big-​Ass Sandwich truck across the street and due to lack of seating, we were scoping where we might be able to enjoy our sandwiches.
We saw the tables on the sidewalk across the street here at the Well and thought, perfect, let’s get our sandwiches, go over to the Well, order a few beers and enjoy the sandwiches.
Keep in mind they had only 5 or 6 tables and ALL were empty. So my family seated themselves at one of the empty tables and I walked into the Bar to see if I could order some beers.
I asked the Bar Tender if I could order a few beers to enjoy on the «patio». As she started to say Yes, the other Bartender, Manager, whoever she was immediately saw my sandwiches and said, No. She said you can order the beer but we do not allow any outside food in our premises and that includes the tables outsides as they are part of our premises. I thanked her and we left.
I cannot believe a Pub/​Bar/​Establishment which has outside seating and Zero Customers would turn away a party willing to spend $$ on beer, just because we had two sandwiches in our hands.
Very disappointing and I will definitely not being going to this place again.

a dive bar that really lives up its expectation. the beers are cheap, same with the food. it was pretty empty in there and the service was only sub-​par. i actually had to go to the register myself to get the check. not a good variety on the menu, beer variety is there though. i wouldn’t really suggest this place as there are plenty other establishments (and food trucks!) to eat at around town.

In portland for meetings and stopped in this PUB it being close to my hotel. They have a limited menu but the sandwich I ordered and the greek salad the next day were very good. Wednesday was any pint $ 3.50 with a nice solection on tap. The owner came by a couple of times to make sure I was happy. Great place!

Listen I don’t need fancy thrills or creatively thought out drink lists to enjoy myself but Captain Ankeny must have yelled dive, dive, dive, before jumping into his well.
Walk in and be greeted to a lifeless room of dark green walls, drab carpeting and smells of stale smoke. I’m thinking most people only come here to damage their liver not to enjoy the atmosphere. The staff wasn’t the friendliest bunch but could at least do their jobs, the only plus side is that the drinks are cheap. Otherwise I’m not really sure what the overall goal is here? Maybe still being in operation to water down regulars with empty calories is all they shoot for. We sat down at some sticky tables where I was made to gaze upon what I believe was local art adorning the back walls. Sitting there I was confused by what resembled a hefty bag attacked by Freddie Kruger and stained in blood. Yeah beauty may be in the eyes of the beholder but my eyes would have to be glazed over from a leaning tower of PBR cans to consider bringing it home for $ 250. Next I got up to wait for one of two bathrooms and before I could enter I wound up fighting with another patron who wanted to use mine. Once inside my fear grew and I thanked god I didn’t have to go #2 because I would have been hovering like the DeLorean from Back to the Future! This place was disgusting, it looked as if a half dozen 15 year old boys hopped up on beer and speed had desecrated it like a house on Halloween night. I can only imagine there must have been a Golgothan shit demon in the other one! I’m thinking the most local thing about this bar is the collection of telephone numbers written on the bathroom wall.
This place is in serious need of a good cleaning or raise the bar a little and give it an update because the only thing I could find out online is that they’re still following Tom Cruise on f*cking Myspace! The Captain should definitely be going down with this ship.

The scene: Friday night, around 11:00pm. Two Canadians have recently arrived in Portland. They go for a walk hoping to stumble into a hole in the wall for a refreshment. They find the entertainment district. But everything is so loud and they are chatting… need somewhere quiet… it’s a nice night to sit outside. They find Captain Ankeny’s Well.
Enter: Order a rum and coke. Fella orders a beer. Total is $ 8.50. To me that is crazy cheap. Bar service is fast. That gets one gun.
Exit: to sit outside. Wow my tasty beverage has a LOT of rum. Good news to me. Liquor is a conversational lubricant so the chat gets intense.
Re-​enter: more bevvies.
Re-​enter: They’re getting ready to close and kick us indoors to finish our drinks.
The Stars: Yes it was a dive we were after. And yes it was a good evening. But the plastic tables and chairs were too divey. Getting carded going in could have been friendlier. Getting kicked inside sucks when you only have a few minutes of drinking left. I was jealous of the pizza. And the vibe just wasn’t my vibe.
The Point: I would go again but it’s not my favorite hole in the wall ever.

Tried the place because it was walking distance to my hotel and wasn’t dissapointed. This is kind of a hole in the wall, dive-​ish bar. It’s nothing fancy, so if you’re expecting fancy look elsewhere.
The food, burgers and pizza, the occasional spaghetti special was good. Not amazing, but better than average. The beer selection was vast, and the beers were cold. Prices were reasonable, even more so during happy hour.
The bar tender and wait staff were friendly, albeit a little busy at times.

Local neighborhood dive bar!
This is an all American neighborhood dive bar! Nice big windows in front give the place a open and light feeling. The staff are very friendly! The clientele are a mixture of locals and tourist– young and old, the people sitting next to us in their seventies, the group down from us in their late twenties dressed as pirates (don’t know why?) All very relaxed and casual!
My wife had a salad — she said it was very good– a mixture of lettuce, greens, chicken, and walnuts… for about 7 $
she also ordered rum and coke, she said it was rum with just a splash of coke. 5 $
I ordered a local PDX draft for 4 $
I wish our neighborhood had a watering hole like this– A nice place to get a quick drink and a quick and easy bite to eat.
PS wife said bathrooms are clean! :)

These two stars are for the garbage slice of pizza they sell along the sidewalk outside of the bar/​restaurant. At first it seems a bit of a savior at 2:00AM when everyone around you is sloppy drunk and you’re kinda hungry after a long night. Whatever you do, make sure you keep walking first. This pizza is horrible and it’s pretty hard to make crap pizza in my opinion.
It’s soggy and feels like you’re eating bad pizza sauce and cheese on white bread. It doesn’t help matters when you find the errant onion on what is supposed to be a slice of cheese pizza. But for some reason the rogue ingredient seems to be a recurring theme at street pizza spots in downtown PDX.
The only thing keeping this from being a one-​star review is that the guy who sold me the pizza was nice enough. You really need bad food and horrible service to fall to that one-​star level. The quality of the pizza tries to bring us to that depth on its own, but it just falls short.

I know this a dive bar, I knew that going in but still I will not be going back. The only reason this place got one star from me was the dude slinging drinks recommended a good stout.
The chick waitress was unfriendly and the sour look on her face did not help her cause. The dude was sloooooow and they weren’t even that busy last night. Here is just a glimpse of the ineptitude we experienced last night. Go to the bar and order two drinks, total comes to 9 bucks, give a 20 and get a ten and a one in change. Note to stupid waitstaff, if you want us to tip you well give us the singles in which to do so otherwise you shaft yourself.
But here was what really did it for me. Lorrie gets a draft beer that tastes «off», she takes it back to the bar and says she doesn’t like it and something it not right. She swaps it out for something else and they charge her for it! Sucky business practice. Come to think of it, since she spent an extra $ 4.50 for the wasted beer, maybe we shouldn’t have tipped?
Awful, awful and more awful. Don’t go there.

After the Saturday graduation events for Gayle’s niece, the family gathered at one of the Embassy Suites rooms that happened to be off the Mezzanine. Right next door was a wedding reception for I think Lindsay and Mike. Their buffet line and open bar did look tempting and visions of «Wedding Crashers» did came to mind. I even had my personal back story about Shlomo and my Peace Corps adventures ready. However, we were just as happy knowing that that their noise was blocking out ours, as this sometimes loud family was having a great time together.
It always amazes me how much alcohol is consumed during these functions, especially amongst the 20s/​30s set. 2 – 3 beers are usually my limit in these settings and they’re just getting started. Anyway, our happy group was also getting hungry and we opted for Captain Ankeny’s Pizza since they delivered and were just across the street.
We ordered 4 large pizzas for various tastes, all of which was consumed relatively quickly. The pizza came hot and was delivered quickly. And although some of us thought that the pizza was just OK, we were all enjoying each others company and it was Captain Ankeny’s pies that kept the party moving. And apparently later as it «jigged» into the night…

I come here often with coworkers for one reason and one reason only — people watching. Not the fools in the bar. They’re usually really boring. Located on 3^rd just one block south of Burnside, with huge bay windows and outdoor seating, you could sit hears for HOURS and watch the vagrants, tourists, grand parents, suburbanites, homeless, pretty boys, freaks and low lives walk by. I’ve seen some of the most beautiful drag queens walk by sitting here at Ankeny’s. Between Voodoo Donuts, Dante’s, Silverado, Berbatis Pan, and the rest of the neighbor hot spots, you could be entertained all afternoon, well into the evening and into the wee hours of the morning.
Pizza sucks. Drinks are standard. But this is where you come to get the true taste or Portland.

Yes, they have outdoor seating, but that doesn’t really matter, since I still had to go in and order my food. It didn’t seem like the kind of place where you order your food at the counter, so I’ll just assume it was shitty service instead. And no, it wasn’t busy.
They didn’t come out to give me the check at the end of my meal, either. Maybe my food was on the house?
The burger I ordered was actually really good, but their service was so abysmal that I should have just taken off with out paying (which I would never think of doing under normal circumstances).
Seriously, if you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all.