Matthew’s

Do you like hanging with ‘Salt of the Earth’-type people?
Are you unhappy with your current odds of getting into a smashed beer bottle/​pool stick fight at other, more ‘reputable’ establishments around downtown Portland?
Are you a bounty hunter looking for some parole jumpers?
Are you trying to find a place to ‘lay low’ until the ‘heat blows over’?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then this may be the place for you — if it is within the allowed radius of your court-​mandated ankle bracelet. A friend of mine and I were walking by this place on a Friday/​Saturday when the evening/​day was quickly approaching last call, and our alcohol-​impaired judgements convinced us that it would be a great idea to pop inside to grab one more drink and play a game of pool. And I wasn’t half as scared as I thought I would be.
Turns out, everyone we interacted with in the bar was quite friendly. The crowd was a good mix of young and old, and the bartender made a couple of mean gin and tonics (or at least gins) for $ 5.50 each. Both pool tables were occupied when we checked them out in the back room, but the 3 – 4 tattooed young ladies were happy to end their game and let us jump in.
Maybe we came on a bad night, but there were absolutely no bar fights, shivvings, inappropriate drunken aggressive old man comments (my friend was female), or sketchy brown paper bags with unknown contents exchanged for money — just a few people drowning their sorrows in some cheap swill and a few folks playing pool. So, a little disappointing based on the hype.
Will I come back? Maybe. My qualitative research isn’t concluded on this place just yet. And I like cheap gins (with the occasional tonic).
Pro Tip: This place is cash only.

The other two reviews written about this place sum it up perfectly… and hysterically I might add. Kudos to both of you for your witty writing style. Anywho… this place is a hole… a craphole to be exact. I am typically a fan of them, but not this place. The people were just odd, including the bartender who looked like she wasn’t even old enough to be serving drinks. A simple question (”Do you have Miller Lite on tap?”) resulted in an ”I’m not sure. Let me check.” At first I just thought she was an idiot, but I read between the lines and figured out that this meant that most people ordered bottled beer. Yes, there are some places where you never order a draft beer… this dirty hole would be one of them.

If you’re high on bath salts then this is your spot. Plus my main man Julio drinks here so it’s always the jam. On a random Wednesday some friends and I got wasted off of $ 1.50 Rolling Rocks, sang karaōke (poorly) and played darts on possibly the shittiest dartboard in all of Portland. The thing had door stops propping it up and was about as close to useless as you can get. Some dude outside was raving about his $ 1.99 a pack cigarillos that he recently purchased from Paul’s Food Center. Conclusion: If you do your grocery shopping @ Whole Foods then you don’t drink @ Mathew’s. End of story

Stopped in here because it was pissing rain on me, and I needed somewhere to dry off and wet my whistle at the same time. Their sign advertised the place as «Portland’s Oldest Pub» and that seemed right up my alley. I love a good pub.
Now here’s what confuses me. Portland is in «New England» which I think would give the residents some authority when it comes to recognizing pubs. Matthew’s is most certainly not a pub, I will tell you that. It’s a great little dive-​y old man bar, but not a pub in any traditional sense of the word. So there’s that.
Now, if you want a place where you can start attacking your liver at 11 AM, no questions asked then this is for you. It’s not a pretentious place, and when I say that there’s a lot of folks missing teeth in here I say it with affection.