The Woods

I went here for BINGO a few weeks ago and I wasn’t really sure what to expect. The place is a former funeral home, an idea that I’ve seen done by McMenamin’s with Chapel Pub on Killingsworth St. and in Seattle at Chapel Bar. Of all three, this one really seemed to maintain its funeral home qualities the most. They have a tiny nook of a bar in a separate building which is sort of attached by a covered driveway where they have ratty furniture and a ping pong table, which I played and enjoyed immensely. The tiny bar probably can’t fit more than 15 people in the room? Their main space is not too large for a music spot, maybe comparable to Mississippi Studios, so I can imagine that it’s a cool spot to go for a more intimate performance. I definitely would like to see live music here.
Drinks seemed to average prices. I wish they had a larger selection of beers on tap. The food menu was minimal. I think that $ 2 for a tiny bowl of popcorn with a little seasoning on it is a rip off. I think they should increase their popcorn portions a lot. Do you know how cheap and easy it is to make popcorn?
There is something ominous about playing BINGO in a funeral home, just makes me feel like an older person about to die. Anyway, BINGO was fun, I did it once before at Mississippi Pizza with the same host, but it was basically empty over there whereas this place was incredibly popular. I sort of felt like every hip young person living in Sellwood goes to this event every Monday.
Too bad I live North or I would come here more often.

I love finding out about quirky, interesting places and the woods fits the bill. A former funeral home? Count me in. The building itself is huge with intimate seating throughout if you want to sit elsewhere and still enjoy the sounds of the show. The velvety deep cushioned sofas and candlelitesque lighting make it perfect for a date night. The ping pong tables outside and decently strong drinks make it perfect for a night of fun.
The stage space is small but if you get there early enough it’s the ideal place to catch a show. as long as it’s a good one. It’s standing room only, which is fine but the humid and stuffy temps made it too uncomforable to be packed in there. Everyone around us was feeling the same so hopefully they’ll get some circulation going in there to make it more tolerable.
I’d love to hit up the bingo and bourbon night if it just wasn’t quite so far south. If it were closer I’m sure we’d be regulars. Great place for a fun and unexpected night out.

I didn’t know what this place was for a long time. The Monday night Bourbon & Bingo event is SO FUN! It was a packed house, standing room only. The venue is pretty cool.
Be sure to look extra-​hipster when you go to this place. I was way underdressed.

Not a good experience. We tried to go there for my sister’s birthday on 80’s night and were totally turned off by this hipster DB at the door. We went to walk in, as there was no one at the door and no sign requesting a cover, when this tool comes flying out of another room and begins berating us for trying to enter without paying. One of my friends had walked in, since she had to frantically use the restrooom, and the door guy flipped out, saying «where the hell did your friend go?» At this point, I was so put off I didn’t want to go in. We told him we would wait for our friend and decide what to do. He said, «well you can just pay $ 5 each now then.» I told him we weren’t sure what we were going to do and he asked us to «stand out of the way» when there was no one else trying to come in.
We ended up going down the street to Kay’s, where the service and drinks were spot on as usual.
Anyhow, I meant to keep this short but thinking about it again got me all fired up. The jist of it is, I won’t be going back.

So, I went back for Soul Night and it was so much more crowded! Hell yeah. But, it’s still so hot and humid in there. GET SOME FANS PLEASE.
Thanks,
Kristine

Soul Night at the Woods
On vinyls. People dress up.
Dance and make babies.
This old funeral home has elegant classic furniture. Maybe that’s why the soul night crowd does elegant in a vintage way. Girls in dresses and boys in button shirts and nice shoes. Out on the patio girls and boys with tattoos chat. Sexy.

Finally went for a live show at The Woods. I’m hooked, it is a terrific venue for up close and personal. Of course it doesn’t hurt that it was Storm Large doing an acoustic set with James Beaton on Piano & Accordion, and Scott (can’t believe I can’t remember his last name) on Guitar & Bass.
I’ve also been back several times for Monday Night Bingo and Bourbon!
If you see me there, stop by and say hello.

For Bingo… HECK YES!
For Music… YES!
For Soul Night… Haven’t gone yet, but plan on attending soon!
The people who work there have always been friendly and the good music I have seen there has been good!

They do a lot of fun stuff here, including tonight for ping pong. Tournament for all levels. I didn’t realize how much exercise it was. But then it’s been 40 years since I picked up a paddle. Can it really be 40 years since I’ve done anything?
The décor is pretty drab. I’m not quite sure where they get their sofas and other seating but I’m thinking it comes from the local dump. Or maybe they find them at curbside where they’re waiting to be picked up by someone to whom they appeal.
Best part about this night, other than the ping pong tables, was the super cute DJ spinning oldies. The Beatles among them. Everybody here was friendly, including the bartender. The DJ sure did smile a lot. He seemed to do it when he was looking my way or when I lobbed a ping pong ball onto the stage and his platform. Oh well. I can dream.
The only other time I’ve been here was for the CD Release for Anna Coogan. It was a great show and the place seems to be pretty good acoustically speaking.
I hope when their creative juices are flowing unhindered, they will continue to come up with some great ideas to entice the crowd that might be just a little bit older than the kids I saw in their tonight. I can’t believe I’m actually saying that.

Finally went to check this place out last week and I’m so happy I did. Loved the décor and vibe of the place. We went for Monday night bingo and the host kept us entertained all night. Creepy parlor music played in the background fit the theme of the place perfectly.
Only complaint would be they need fans in their unisex bathroom. I mean, one bathroom is really close to where everyone sits and some dude stunk the place up because he left the door open and no fan or window. Fans are very easy to install, so no excuse there.
Also, it’s cash only for bingo nights, which I wish they would have on their website so you know to bring cash for that but there is an ATM across the street. They do take cards at the bar.
All in all, I love the place and will definitely be back!

I enjoy going to The Woods and In the Cookie Jar, soul night, is one of the best soul nights around Portland. I will however take the time to say that their bar situation simply DOES NOT WORK! Last time I attended the line went from the bar to the front door which means their bar set up does not function the way that a bar should, I also had to wait in line to ask the bar tender for water which is no good when the rest of the town has figured out that a water station is the answer.
I enjoy what The Woods has to offer, their aesthetic, their history, and location and I will go again because of the soul night but oh how I dread the bar situation and I wish it would change.

I visited the Woods on Saturday for a concert and found a seat right up front on a couch. For the record, couches are the way to enjoy a concert.
I decided to order a scotch, and caught a glance at the food menu — fricken wow homie, the menu was a foodie wet dream. I ordered the pork sandwich with apple aus jus and licked my plate literally clean. Incredible.
I shared some popcorn with my wife (which I regretted — the sharing part, not the popcorn). I think there was fennel, or rosemary in it? Not sure which, but it didn’t matter — it was absolute gold.
The space used to be a funeral home, which actually makes a surprisingly cool spot for an intimate concert.
We’re going back tonight for bourbon and bingo. Are you kidding me? BOURBON AND BINGO.

I paid my first visit tonight to The Woods, located in Sellwood, to see Kris Delmhorst play an acoustic girl-​with-​guitar style folk show. I was late to arrive but was still able to grab a single seat in the second row, just minutes before Kris went on stage. I loved the décor of this former funeral parlor now music venue. The sound was pretty decent too. I didn’t have a drink, but they were nice enough to provide self-​serve water at the bar. I would definitely go back to The Woods for another show in the future. I hope that if any lost spirits are still hanging around this place, that they’re enjoying the tunes!

I’ll hit up an olé funeral parlor converted into a venue bar on a Sunday whenever I get a chance. Nice mixers and servers.
I will return.

A quick perusal of Abba Zabba the iPod reveals that the concepts of death and rock music have a close and long-​standing relationship that goes well beyond the 27 Club. Here’s a quick look at my list:
Dead. The Pixies (Three versions, it appears)
Dead. They Might Be Giants
Dead and Bloated. Stone Temple Pilots
Dead End Friends. Them Crooked Vultures
Dead End Justice. The Runaways
Dead Flowers. The Rolling Stones
Dead Guy. Ministry
Dead Horse. Guns N’ Roses
Dead Death. Dirk Death and the Dead Weights. OK, I made that one up. Someone should get on making that a real thing, though.
You get the picture. So it’s not a huge stretch to see a funeral parlor converted into a performance space, complete with a bar — because your liver can’t live without beer — and an impressive covered patio — because your lungs can’t live without cigarettes. The Woods maintains the intimate, stately but humble space one needs to view your loved ones after they’ve secured seats on the barge across the River Styx*. But The Woods applied those same quarters to live music and other dramatic actions. Trust me — I’ve seen some Unilocal folk sing karaōke here. More spectacle than a LensCrafters.
The result is not unlike what I imagine the receiving room of a distinguished Southern belle’s cottage to look like, if callers grew wild mountain man beards and carried acoustic guitars. Or maybe it’s closer to the auditorium in the home for the elderly where my childhood piano recitals were held, but with more booze and hopefully more skill on the keys.
*Styx? Karaōke? In a former funeral home? How awesome would that be? Someone get on that, too.

We came here on a Wednesday for karaōke (baby ketten karaōke if you want to look it up, it’s at Mississippi Pizza on Tuesdays). It wasn’t at all crowded, but almost everyone in the room was singing so there was quite the wait. Thankfully the KJ did rotation, which I know helped a bit. The sound system was excellent, though I do think it was a bit too loud for karaōke.
Someone said they have beer & wine bar, but they also have liquor — at least the basics (rum, gin, whiskey, tequila, vodka). I really like that their drink prices are all POSTED instead of getting a magical bar bill and finding out exactly how much that glass of so-​and-​so cost you.
Chocolate peanut butter cupcake = DELICIOUS! We were also tempted by the macaroons on the menu but decided not to give in when we found out they are just regular coconut macaroons, not macarons of the gourmet caliber (though I’m sure they’re still good).
In regards to a previous user mentioning sparse seating, I felt like there were seats EVERYWHERE and no people to fill them, but that might be because I was there for karaōke and s/​he may have been there for a show and they took out the tables and chairs that had filled the room the night I was there. Aside from the mismatching tables and chairs in the middle of the main room, there are old couches covering the perimeter of just about every room.
The atmosphere was very unique and interesting. A lot of people are creeped out by the ex-​funeral parlour, but I like it, it reminds me of the cycles of life. A place where people were once sad and silent, The Woods is now a place of boisterous celebrations. I think that’s great, and I see us coming back here very soon.

I love this space. I’ve only been once, but it fit Holcombe Waller’s personality and vibe perfectly!
WHAT I LIKE:
Drinks are bar prices, not overcharged venue prices.
Vintage, wire birdcages abound. Lovely!
Comfy & cute places to sit and chat in between or during shows.
Nice bar staff.
Wine served IN A WINE GLASS.
Laid back enough to sit at the base of the stage and enjoy the performance.
In an old funeral home.
WHAT I DON’T LIKE:
Nothing really. Wish it was closer to me, but that’s my problem not yours.

I think everyone can agree that the Pacific Northwest, and more specifically Portland has unique qualities that make it what it is. As a recovering So-​California the transition hasn’t been easy. I don’t ride my bike everywhere, I eat meat, not huge on hiking; however the reason that I love Portland is places like The Woods. How many places have converted funeral homes as venues?
The Woods hasn’t done a whole lot to set itself apart from its former life as a funeral home, which adds a certain je né sais quoi. The stage where bands play is where I’m guessing where ceremonies took place. There is something eerie about watching a show where people have mourned the lost. You would think that might make for a creepy vibe however it is very cozy, and it is strangely inviting.
There is a lot of space, yet not a whole lot of seating. I settled in on the floor, my ass fell asleep. I suggest an early arrival to set up shop. The acoustics are surprisingly amazing which I wasn’t expecting.
On top of being an amazing venue it is also my FAVORITE place to Karaōke. The song book is exhaustive, by far the best I have ever seen. They have all the hot new jamz and old school faves, they leave no stone unturned. Better still, you get the whole stage to wreak karaōke havoc. It really allows my inner pop star to shine.
The Wood is a little ruff or should I say eerie, around the edges but that’s the appeal.

I have parked outside of this building many times. I’ve always gotten a bit of a shiver when walking past, its former life was spent being a funeral home and all.
I approached the building, got the shivers out of the way, and walked in.
I would agree with David Z’s assessment that it feels like a house party.
There is a ton of potential here and I’ll proceed to give the optimist’s review on this joint with some suggestions tossed in.
The stage is large. High ceilings and lovely dance floor awaits fantastic musical acts and has the potential to be an excellent venue. I feel though that it needs to be changed-​up a little? Paint? More Art? As it stands now, it feels like we’re all in college and we’ve broken into a funeral home and friends of friends are jamming on stage.
The bar is hurting. I completely understand that they are waiting for their licensing to be completed and until then it’s beer in plastic cups and wine in wine glasses only.
The bartender was awesome. Totally upbeat, super cute, setting the mood even though things seemed a little odd. It’s the staff that really changes the dynamics.
I think that if this place really takes off, they will need to have a couple of bars — especially when larger music events are taking place.
The smoking area has a pool table and ample seating. My friend thought dart boards would be good for warmer weather, maybe even shuffleboard?
Overall I didn’t hate The Woods as I thought I would. It is so hard to shake the ghost of once was in a building when it does change hands. I am sure that we will see improvements and changes as winter passes and the promise of warmer days arrives in 2010.
I am looking forward to their bar expanding and to having a pint of beer in a glass!

Oh the jokes that could ensue once one realizes that this space used to be a funeral home. I’ll hold back and just put one of them out right now:
— Have you been to that new place in Sellwood, The Woods? I hear bands are dying to play there! (insert rimshot here)
Ok, now that I got that out I can carry on. The space is interesting to say the least. Walking in, you feel like you’re at a house party. Couches & chairs are aplenty, and randomly arranged throughout the space. There’s outside seating and a pool table to boot. Perhaps it’s because they’re new, but it feels like they haven’t bothered to redecorate. As such, it feels a bit sparse & lacks any identity (well, except that of a funeral home I guess…) Don’t let that turn you off to this place though. It has a lot of potential and once they find their style I’m sure it will be great!
I went last night for a show — music by The Graves to start and by Nick Jaina to wrap it all up. Before I go on, they have shows like this weekly right now, but the ultimate goal is to have things going on throughout the week too. I can see it becoming a fun place to just go hang out with friends. Anyways, back to the show. The Graves were pretty good, IMO. I’d never heard of either of these bands before, but I enjoyed it. Nick Jaina & his band put on a great show, and was my favorite of the two. I’d recommend seeing them live at some point! For being a funeral home, the acoustics were surprisingly good. I’m sure the audiophile could find some issues with it, but I very much enjoyed the sound. It was well balanced and filled the space just right.
Wrapping this up, the prices are quite decent. It was $ 8 to get in (though show prices vary) and drinks averaged $ 4 or so. Cheaper than going to a movie (well, if you get popcorn anyways) and a much more entertaining activity with friends. I will definitely be keeping an eye on their lineup over the next few weeks and going back soon!