Crash

Weak. Filthy, gross, creeps, more creeps.
Really now, Wal-Mart’s Restroom is cleaner than this place.
ALSO, hellla hellla Asians. I have Filipino in me, but seriously, I felt like I was the black one there. Eh. It was a CRASH and BURRRRN.
(Suite 181 is a block away if you change your mind.) LOL.

Weak. This place is only good because they have alcoholnot all good alcohol, but at least something to drink because I need something in my body system to ask myselfWhy did I come here? Why is the venue so ghetto looking? Why do we have to go through the trouble of going upstairs to go outside for some air? What’s with the ghetto music and people? I must’ve gotten so drunk that I enjoyed myself. YesI did. I enjoyed laughing my butt off at all the people who are regulars here. I wouldn’t bother putting myself on their guestlist either. I remember that some chick got so angry with me that she literally pushed me. I have no idea why, but she did. Me in my drunk state I pushed her backalmost called a ruckus so my friends all decided to leave before things got out of hand. Like I saidghetto.

Wow is this place still open? I’m surprised!
Yuck I hate this place. Crappy music and even crappier dance floor. There is a stage that takes up like 90% of the floor and only girls are allowed on it. That’s cool if you go with a group of your girls but if you go with your BF, be prepared to just stand around.
And what the hell is up with going up and down so many flights of stairs just to get some fresh air and smoke? Geez for a girl in 5 inch heels and hella drunk, it’s quite an accomplishment to make it there. And with all the trouble you have to go through to go to the outside area, the damn thing was as big as my pinky finger.

Hmmm. .. when I thought about reviewing this club, I wasn’t sure if it would be a waste of my time since I dreaded my experience. But I decided to write, for you Unilocalers! Yes, I do it for you Unilocalers! And to try to become an Elite member. he he he
The music was horrid and the venue is FILTHY. The people are decent to ghetto. It’s odd, the upstairs area is so much nicer than the downstairs area. One thing I did notice is that the girls who were downstairs were getting hoochie (which I love) and the girls upstairs were doing the running man. Interesting. In a nutshell, I will not go to Crash again. Oh yeah, the drinks were super weak!
Parking is a bitch and be careful not to park in the Tenderloin, unless you want to get robbed or have your car broken into.

Alright. Let me write you a story that will tingle your senses.
I was chilling on the sidelines talking to my friend while sipping on my favorite drink at the time, Jack and Coke. We were on the bottom floor because the top floor is usually sweaty, nut sack –packed. The music on the bottom floor wasn’t that terrific but it was still danceable.
They were playing Pussy Cat Dolls. The song was «Buttons» which features Snoop Dog, and my friend Shang just had to dance to that «jam.» So he hits the dance floor with passion in his heart and does a Two-​Step to some ladies.
He comes back one minute later and tells me, «Some girl pushed me away!» He was so mad when he said it that he spat saliva over my face. And on top of that, I looked at the girl that pushed him away, she looked like a monkey!
I am Tony Bui and I am a witness.
I guess that girl didn’t want him to loosen up her buttons because he kept fronting.
Thank you Pussy Cat Dolls. No thank you Crash.

This place does not get any stars from me but, I’m forced to rate it. :(
I’m probably preaching to the choir but, let me reiterate: DON’T DO IT. Don’t go to Crash. I went a couple times when it first opened, thinking it might be kind of cool/​clean. It quickly lost its appeal. Tommy Lee used to be a resident DJ there. ‘Nough said.
If you’d like to party with drugged-​up wannabe rock n’ rollers w/​their entourage of drugged-​up groupies and wake-​up wondering how the hell you ended-​up, three days later, somewhere in the middle of Central Valley with strange marks in strange places, bruised and tattooed and half-​naked — then go for it.
Or if you want to party with innocent 18-​yr-​old girls who managed to get in with their fake IDs and some inappropriate attire — then go for it (you perv).
There’s a hot Asian female bartender at Crash. She’s really the only thing worth seeing. Look, but don’t touch — then run for your dear life. Just be sure not to trip on the used needles and condoms strewn on the dance floor. Ugh.

crash… and burn. That’s what this horrid place should do.
yuck.
Reasons why it sucks (And yes there’s a LONG list… I’ll just give you the top ones)
1) the VIP bathrooms (on a pre-​opening party, mind you) were overflowing
gag me
2) said VIP room, has hot tubs
f**ing brilliant here people, anyone out there a lawyer? I’m not but seriously, this has lawsuit written ALL over it in my book!.. hmm, booze, +warm water +whatever else these freaks are on=very very stupid idea
3) the staircase to the VIP & smoking area is like something you would see in a b rated horror film (small, turns alot, you get the picture) NOT What I want to deal with, especially in heels. Rumor has it there’s a elevator, but it was broken
4) the elevator was broken/​and or is non existent
5) the security practically made me fall over when they frisked me
6)umm I can’t bring in my BIC pen, yeah, oh such a hoodlum
7) they wouldn’t give me my pen back unless I could identify it. you took it jack, WTF, wasn’t aware having a pen was a crime.(next time I’ll be sure to get a claim check ticket or something)
8) they’re so cheap they steal their patrons pens so as to never need to buy their own
9) ewww I am sticking to the floor
10) It’s hotter than bikram yoga in India in the summer in this nasty place
If Unilocal had a «no star» or a NEGATIVE star option… crash (and burn, please burn) would be up for the negative star option.
GAG

Yes, this club is dirty in more ways than one, the bouncers are mean, the floors are sticky, the décor is tacky, and the patrons are slutty or skeevy,
…but, on the particular night that I went, the event was called a «hip hop mash-​up», in which the DJ played 80’s and other types of non-​hh music on top of hip-​hop beats, and it was pretty cool. I wish I could have enjoyed the music at a better venue. Anyone know of a hip-​hop mash-​up elsewhere?

okay, here’s the deal with this place
181 is decent but overrated
Crash is right down the street, and i’ve never known about it, in the 3-​yrs that i’ve lived here and is «underrated»
not the BEST place in the world, it gets REALLY REALLY freakin’ hot and if you want to step outside, you get this 6″ hole of a alley to stick your head out the window, to breathe. The girl is right, the stairway is ghetto-​rigged, and it feels like a «fire escape»
downstairs is hip hop and top 40. the night that i went there, they had this «imitation» runway walkdown, with «models» walking up and down it… WTF??? who does that at a club?
kinda random…
to continue my «random thoughts on paper» that’s not in any order…
the one random thing that i noticed while i drank my @$$ off there was in the basement, there’s the 2-​bathrooms. guys and girls. The girls’ bathroom is about 5x the size of the guys, and there’s a couch in there, and ½ mirrored, so you can get all decked out and recover to look all sexy again, because you swet your @$$ off! When walking downstairs one time, i swore i saw some guy f*cking a girl on the security guard’s chair. Her legs were up in the air, and she was «wearing» a skirt. i don’t know how i feel about that, either congradulatory that he got some that night, or bumed that i didn’t get any that night
Overall, its a good set up, somewhat decent diversity, and good bartenders. The drinks are kinda pricey, but hey, its SF — what do you expect?
well… i guess $ 10 for a Jäger&Red Bull in a plastic cup that’s ½ the size of a pint is kinda pricey

When I feel like hanging out with kids who could be my children — I go to Crash. On the days when I feel like being surrounded in grime or being felt up by disgusting drunken asses who are there to hang out with those who could be my children — I run to Crash.
(Read: I went once. Never goin’ back. Yeah, yeah, call me unforgiving.)
‘Nuff said.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is Grace’s shortest Unilocal review to date.

Good lord what an experience. I wish I could give it NO stars. It was a friend’s birthday, so we got bottle service and showed up. Here is the list:
1. Unnecessary line outside (to make it look cool) when there is NO ONE inside.
2. Not very nice security.
3. Their VIP area is on the floor, and is totally cramped.
4. a $ 2200 bill should mean your waitress visits once in a while.
5. it is SO hot in there.
6. The «dancers» AKA strippers get the MANY men worked up in there, so when our birthday girl went to the bathroom, she got surrounded by a group of men and felt up.
7. An odd mix of people. VERY odd. Creepy men, nasty women.
8. A total waste of money, and if you’re expecting ANY special treatment for spending money on bottle service, forget it. It’s non-​existant. You’ll get PLENTY of attitude tho.

I had my first and only visit to this club in late December 2006. We did bottle service for 4 with a private «booth» (bed-​like chair) on the 3^rd floor (VIP level). Ok, straight to pros and cons because this club isn’t worth a full review.
PROS:
1) attractive staff
2) fairly attentive server
3) good sound system on upper 2 floors
4) decent lounge-​like décor on upper 2 floors (actually, Crash is a club, not a lounge, so this can be a bad thing)
5) large restrooms located one flight down from the 1^st floor. These restrooms offer relatively no waiting in line, even when club is at capacity. Also 2 single-​stall unisex restrooms on 2^nd floor.
6) Well-​made stiff drinks on the first floor. As with all clubs, if you tip correctly or look like you’ve got money you will be served promptly.
CONS:
1) DIRTY FLOORS!!!
EVERY square foot of this place is covered with discarded plastic cups, empty water bottles, used napkins, bathroom tissue, and a variety of unknown liquids of varying viscosity. If you ever fall make sure you’re up on your booster shots.
On The Upside: Once people do start slipping, they sweep the floor debris into piles against the walls. That means avoid capturing floors or baseboards in your pics unless you’re handy with PhotoShop.
2) Older crowd is very prominent on the upper two floors… by older I’m speaking 50+ year old men AND WOMEN.
3) Vastly unattractive crowd.
Call me pretentious, but typically clubs have a decent number of attractive people. Besides the Go-​Go dancers and staff, I counted 6 good-​looking women and even less good looking men on the upper two floors. I was only on the 1^st floor for an occasional drink or shot on my way to the restroom, but will say I didn’t notice any attractive people there either, although I did note the crowd was younger and trendier than the upper levels.
4) 1^st floor décor is sad
It feels like a dive BAR, NOT a club, with its «décor» of 4 red-​bricked walls and a plywood stage covered with a dirty black cloth. It’s reserved for the DJ or when a live band performs, so you cannot dance on the stage, then again, why would you want to.(dirty).eeek!
The 2 upper levels are decently decorated with off-​white vinyl chairs and couches on the edges of the rooms. NOTE: The vinyl seems to be made to look like” plastic imitating leather”, and might not have started out as «off-​white» either ;-) In the center of the room is an «open area». I call it that instead of a dance floor because it’s too ridiculously HOT to dance! Bringing us to #5
5) 2^nd & 3^rd floors are SAUNA HOT .
That’s why all the pictures taken at this club show people DRENCHED in sweat! Sadly, those looking at these pictures and not knowing better mistakingly assume the sweat is from dancing the night away. WRONG!!! The sweat is just from STANDING and TALKING. The ONLY people you’ll see dancing are the Go-​Go dancers in 5 minute spurts to avoid overheating, or the occasional SUPER unattractive, over aged and/​or often overweight women who get up on the 3^rd floor dance poles to «jiggle» their stuff.
6) 40% GRATUITY on bottle service for SMALL GROUPS!
–We did bottle service for my group of 4, made up of a girlfriend, a business client and his wife, and myself. We had $ 2100 in vodkas and champagnes in 3 hours.
*Our sever did not pour our drinks or stick around the table, but did always quickly supply us with a bottle of vodka and champagne on each of her three 30-​second stops to the table that night. I am not complaining that she wasn’t around. To the contrary, I prefer she wasn’t since I could focus more on having a good time with my guests instead of instructing her on what to make and how. I only point out the extent of her service to show just how unjustified the 40% gratuity (=$ 840 TIP) for a group of 4 actually is. In all the partying I’ve done bottle service style at some of the most extravagant clubs in LA, NY, Miami, Chicago. etc… that was a first! Somehow I’m left with the impression the server must have promised to «personally thank» the manager who assigned her our table.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, had it not been a business expense write-​off I WOULD NOT HAVE PAID IT!
RECOMMENDATION: This place has about as much hangout appeal as a PORT-​A-​POTTY next to an ALL-​U-​CAN-​EAT REFRIED BEANS & CHILI BUFFET ! Avoid it at all costs!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha. Oh my god. CRASH is the single greatest piece of shit wannabe LA club that I’ve ever been to. And I mean that so sincerely. My friend randomly called me up to go because Tone Loc was playing, and she had guestlist or whatever. I sometimes like to do things that sound completely absurd, so I was in.
So yeah, there’s about 5 million Asian teenage hookers from Walnut Creek in corsets and feather boas outside being SO obnoxious. And for the first time in my life, I was actually FRISKED before going into a club after standing in line to get in. The whole scene was so shameful that it became fun again.
My friend and I were so not dressed for the occasion, and I kind of looked like a hungover dumpy lesbian, so yeah, a whole lot of not fitting in. But the music was so good! Well, by that I mean it was a whole bunch of random 90s hip hop with some Queen or Blondie thrown in for good measure. And since neither of us were about to bang any of those dudes, we just threw it out and danced like the gutter sluts we are.
And then I got to see fucking Tone Loc! How fucking rad is that! I mean, I love to do the Wild Thing as much as the next girl, but the sheer randomness of it makes me giddy.
Onto the drinks… I knew I would be anally raped on drink prices here, but we sidled up to the bar anyway. It was a satellite bar, so no Jameson. Settled on shots of Crown. The bartender must have known that we didn’t belong to the douchebag set because instead of giving us those wimpy shitty shotglasses, we got ours in cocktail glasses, and they were definitely very large. $ 8 for a shot, but I knew it would be like that coming in.
Oh anyway. Yeah, all the chicks here are super well made up, but really insecure. They just don’t look very confident. So my plan is to get hot again, and come here and become queen of the douchebags. Show the underage hoes how a real woman does it. Yep. Because I’ve got nothing better to do with my time. I’m going to become the queen a douchebag club.
Whatever. I suck because I inexplicably think that this place rules.

TERRIBLE!
If I could give this place negative 5 stars, I would.
I was tricked into coming here with a bunch of friends. We were already out and about, when one of the girls said, «Oh, it’s my friend’s birthday! We’re on the guestlist, so we HAVE to pass by! C’mon…please!!» AACK. Last time I ride with friends.
Several reasons why this place stands out as terrible:
1) SECURITY
OH MY GOD!!! You SUCK sooooooooooo bad! The OLD, asian guy at the door is absolutely obnoxious and RUDE! Completely unhelpful and yells at people!!! HE was totally sarcastic and sh*tty to anyone and everyone. I watched him talk to people, and was completely apalled.
2) GUESTLIST SHANIGANS
The same guy purposely made people on the guestlist stuck in the wrong lines and held them there until it was past the guestlist time! I saw fellow guestlisters standing in line for over 30mins. I was in a non-​argumentative mood and didn’t want to go in anyway, so I let my friends deal with it. When they finally got up to him (front of the line) and they said they were on a birthday guestlist, he said «Oh, you should have said so to begin with, because that line is on the otherside and you would have got in right away. The guestlist closed 3 mins ago, so now it’s too late.» Interesting, because that IS what we told him to begin with and he told us to get into the wrong line. He was lucky, I was not in the mood to give him a piece of my mind. Old fart.
3) The CROWD
Do they sell fake ID at the local high school? These kids were coming in through the side door… who the heck let them in? Tons of them! It looks like they knew the staff. Kids.
4) MUSIC
Oh! HORRIBLE! Such random music! Were they playing this off someone’s MP3 in random order? I could have stood at the DJ booth and put in a mix CD… at least it would be on beat! GEEZ!
Upstairs they played house/techno…if the treble was any higher, I would have blown out an eardrum. SEriously. No.
Trust me, the music selection and the levels nearly made me vomit.
5) CREEPS
Lots of creepy guys. Girls dancing on stage, with creepy guys staring up their skirts, said girls loving it. Where am I? The Crazy Horse?
I would not come back if they paid me. Blech!

We came here Friday night and this place far and away exceeded all my wildest expectations that I had for this venue – which is equivalent to saying that the manure I tasted wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.
In any case, highlights of the night included:
*being able to find a parking away from the home-​challanged folks
*not having to wait more than 5 minutes in line after arriving at around 10:45
*getting *free* table service via the e-​mail guest list
*getting VIP treatment, i.e. being walked up the stairs by one of the hosts and being asked if there was anything that we needed
*the very new-​age futuristic atmosphere of the dance floor
*no wait at the bar to get a drink
It was also the first time I ever got padded down (and thoroughly) by a female bouncer, which was interesting.
So why did we leave this place half past 11? One part of it was that another group of friends wanted to meet up elsewhere, and two was that this place was inundated with too many asian guys – i.e. a bunch of midgets standing around lurking in their button downed dress shirts.
Worth checking out again though if we can get free table service.

Have you ever been disappointed when something you profess you don’t want to happen actually doesn’t happen?
I just hate it. I mean hate it. When gross men leer and stare and leer and stare and then proceed to ask me out. Like I’m interested. Really, scooter.
* 10 minutes later *
WTF is wrong with this place!!! Gross men galore per square foot. .. and NONE. I mean NONE have even attempted to hit on me.
WHAT.
THE.
F.
1 Star. This is hell.

Okay, some of y’all are trippin’…
I’m NOT a «clubber», as many who know me KNOW I enjoy a Nice Bar with good folks more. But it was my friend’s birthday at Crash, so I had to be there!
We went last Saturday (²⁄₃), and before going I Checked out the reviews here on Unilocal… Everyone had the same argument («too crowded», «smokey», «cheesy design», yaddah yaddah yaddah).
Aren’t MOST if not ALL clubs like that anyway? What do you expect from a great night club? Lots of EMPTY spaces? CLEAN bar, and floors? I believe if you didn’t have a good time, chances are you are one of the «space wasters» just hangin around with drink in hand thinking you’re gonna just meet a hot women and she’s gonna wanna dance with you, drink with you, then go home with you. PATHETIC. Clubs are for DANCIN’ DRINKIN’, and Mettin folks you’ll probably end up seeing at another venue. THe «Scoring» factor is overall rare, as most decent women go to clubs to DANCE and DRINK with their GF’s.
Funny thing was I saw ALOT of people I knew from when I used to be a part of the club culture. THey all remembered me! (Well, Except ONE person, whoe recognized my face but 4got my name).
One funny thing I read from previous reviews is how they complain about the Bridge & Tunnel Folk taking over clubs in the City… What most people fail to realize is that in terms of CLUBS, most of the Nightlife is promoted, managed, run, and some even OWNED by People living in the East Bay!
AZN InvAZN? Not so much, most of the people I ran into at the club were Armenian, Perisan, White, Latino… and SOME Asian.
Ratio? — FOr a club, the ratio was good! I’ve BEEN to clubs where the ratio of Male to Female was 20:1… This spot had a ratio of 1:1, if not 3:1. THAT’s GOOD for a club!
DJ’s were Great! Good mix of music throughout the night. (glad Tommy Lee wasn’t there that night… can’t stand him)
Another highlite of the evening was workin our way up to VIP room, and hangin’ out with a person who owns like a dozen of the hotels in the City, and he was so kind to share his bottle of Dom P with us! Thanks, dude! YOU ROCK!!! We sxchanged info and will be doing business. (well, hopefully).
Stop smackin talkin good night clubs just because you have NO GAME, and can’t hang with the typical crowds, smells, stickiness, and sometime smokiness (from the smoking lounge) that damn near ALL club have. I don’t go clubbing on a regular basis (that was my first nightclub outing non Unilocal Elite related in 6 months). So if YOU can’t hang, then maybe it’s just NOT for YOU! I actually had a great time here, and for folks that visit the City, this would be a great place to dance, drink, and be among the beautiful folks (physically and personality).

Small venue. It sucks being buzzed and climbing up and down those steps to get to the bathrooms located in the basement.
I came here b/​c it was a friends BDAY and we decided last minute to show up. It was pretty empty compared to other clubs.
eh…Don’t think I’ll be coming back again…

If it weren’t for my Ghetto super star status that night. I would have hated this place. A friend of ours got us a huge hummer limo and vip table/​entrance this weekend. After being stoked about coming here, after I walked in I was let down. Décor is truly outdated and I’m not sure if its on purpose. Upstairs sucked too. way too small and the music sucked. What especially sucked over all this night was the DJ (s)! They were playing the same songs over and over downstairs and had lame rave/​house music upstairs. I’ve had lots more fun in SJ!
ALSO– A fight broke out in the bathroom out of nowhere! All of a sudden 2 hefty ladies started going at it and it was really funny but BAD. Come on… don’t be the idiot who gets her hair messed up over an ego that has been boosted by booze!

There’s so much hype about this place so my girls & I decided to check out Crash this past Friday. Eventhough the friggin club is located in the tenderloin area, yikes. I’m worried about our safety & my SUV. Got there had no problem in getting in, the bouncers were friendly to our group, esp if there’s 5 girls with me. ^_^
The girls bathroom located in the basement was pretty cool, lounge sofa’s to sit on while u waited for your friends. U know how it is, girls goes to the bathroom in pack.
1^st floor were spacious enough for dancing. The bartenders were friendly and fast.
2^nd floor, too bright, too hot eventhough the AC was on & bartenders a bit stuck up & slow to comprehend our orders. «Do u understand the words coming out my mouth» tee hee — no tips for u!
I was anxious to see the jacuzzi @ the club, but the 3^rd & 4^th floor were closed, as far as getting in to the jacuzzi @ the club… I find ewww… overall it was an ok club — heck we got in free!