Royal Cuckoo

What an excellent surprise! Walked in on a Wednesday night to find a chill scene, ordered a few drinks, and took a seat. A few minutes later the organ and vocalist started up, which captivated me for the rest of the night! Be aware that it is cash only.

This is a hidden gem. This is a great low key spot with excellent live music. The guitarist and organ player were amazing. The drinks and service were good, and the prices reasonable.

Almost don’t want to write a review to keep this place a gem.
It’s incredible what people have said about the bartenders and the bouncer in the previous comments. The people I have seen yesterday could be some of the most friendliest people I have encountered in SF, especially the bouncer who took a short walk with us after we left the bar.
Will definitely be back… with the people that will help keep this place as-​is.

This is one of my favorite bars in the mission and SF because this is the only place to travel back in time to the beatnik era of San Francisco. Come here to impress a hot date or show off your bar knowledge to friends in this less frequently visited part of the Mission.
Details:
The décor gives off of a Beatnik vibe without the commercial feeling of Vesuvio. The cocktails are bold and daring. The carnival mule is a must try. The jazz is amazing. Live covers of Wes Montgomery! The back patio which isn’t known to exist by many guests is superb. This place has it all!

This place has a wonderful vibe with jazz, old records, a quaint outdoor area, and absolutely delicious cocktails. The crowd was mostly 30 somethings but somehow this place managed to avoid the «trying too hard to be cool» toxin that often affects bars in this area. It was busy, but not crowded, and everyone seemed like they were really enjoying themselves. Would be delighted to go back.

I decided to grab a birthday drink at the Royal tonight. There was a visible bouncer at the door who saw us walk in and didn’t stop us to then call us out. At this moment he could have asked for our IDs and we would be on our way in but things went a different route.
He started asking question like «have you ever been to a club» «what happens when you go to a club»
I was incredibly confused and thought he was being funny or was trying to just chat. The questions continued…
«I feel like you’re showing me no respect»
Meanwhile other people were entering behind us without getting their IDs check… Finally I’m completely confused and ask him what he wants from us. His response was:
«Get out of here we don’t need your money»
Here is my question, if he needed to check IDs why didn’t he ask that in the first place?

I almost don’t want to review this place as it’s one of the few «best-​kepts» around. You will feel transported to a time past, when people had time to chat over a martini or Manhattan with live music going on that didn’t require them to scream or be really good lip-​readers. This is a true dive bar with a kitschy flare and an eclectic crowd that make me feel right at home. The drinks are well-​done and they have just about every spirit you could think of or want, even some fairly high-​fallout in’ stuff like Carpano Antica and Ancho Reyes. It’s fun to have a drink here whether the bar’s packed 3 people deep or you get a seat right away.

Love this place. They’ve often got their two man eclectic house band playing in the back of the bar. They have a sweet little backyard space and a tasty drink menu. This place is out of another time.

Great vibes, great jazz, highly recommended.

It’s a charmingly dingy Mission dive with the type of old school music you may hear in a Quentin Tarantino film, red walls, antique art and minimal lighting. Seating is plentiful on a Monday night, where a conversation can flourish, and their drinks will be a step above your standard dive drink. I got a Danish Daisy (vodka, sweet cherry juice, lemon garnish)

Guys, I love this bar. It has an organ built into the bar for godsakes. However, the service is completely rude and disrespectful. Tonight I tried to enter the bar to meet my two friends. There were two men engaged in conversation at the side of the door. Apparently one of them had the job of asking for IDs but didn’t because he was chattin up his friend. So i walked in and then one guy asked for my ID. I apologized and said I didn’t realize he was checking IDs and for the next 15 minutes I was lectured by this guy about how disrespectful I was for not respecting his position. I immediately presented him with my ID and he continued to lecture me, barring me from entering. The manager went outside to smoke and I asked him to intervene, since I was getting nowhere and just wanted to meet my friends. He shrugged the whole thing off and so then this guy lectured me for not respecting him enough by asking for another dude to intervene. Finally, I asked my friends to leave the bar and they soon informed me they entered the bar without their iDs even being checked. Apparently if you’re a single woman, you’re game for men unleashing their anger at the door. I’ve been going to this bar for a decade but I’m warning my friends off it from now on. Also, the guy threatened me after I returned to initiate a conversation with the manager. I’d welcome a conversation from the door man. The whole interaction was obviously about way more than me.

This place is divey, intimate, offbeat. I discovered it on a second date on New Years Eve, after being turned away from El Rio (it was too crowded). I’m pleased that we landed here. The live jazz was amazing (and free), the drinks were lovely and effortless as the sparkling evening gown of our bartender. I’m a sucker for anyplace that serves Pimms or unique variations of the Moscow Mule. Artisanal. It’s a buzzword in this city.
The atmosphere is old school, and the interior is long and narrow. There’s cushy seating on the edges, but enough standing room to dance along to vinyl or live renditions of classics. There is also a back patio that offers additional space. Be forewarned, it is cash only and cocktails are a little steep. Prepare your wallets.
My date stole a kiss at midnight, but I returned the kiss so it was only borrowed.
I will be coming back.

My favorite watering hole in San Francisco. Everything — from the décor to the lighting to the bartenders — is top notch, old-​school, the way a dive bar in the city by the bay is supposed to be. During the cold weather months they mix up a great hot brandy cider, but anytime you can get a cocktail at the end of the mission, go here! Warm and cozy, especially when you have the organ player and an accompanist setting the mood with live music. The best little spot to bottoms up!

I always wanted to go to this place and I was not disappointed. Nice and dark with live music. Very friendly staff and great drinks. They were so fun and helpful and I cant wait to go back!

You have amazing drinks. Great ambiance and décor!!! Outside area it’s honestly a win win situation! Why 3 stars you ask? I’ll tell you… Your bar always smells like vomit! Seriously sour vomit it’s gag worthy… And it doesn’t matter how much booze I consume. Don’t know where it is coming from. Doesn’t matter if it is early late now never it always smells like puke. Can you shampoo the carpets or just remove them?! Seriously I think you may get more business! Now that’s a win win

A hidden gem!
Do yourself a favor and walk the extra few blocks past the typical going out bars in the Mission and head to the Royal Cuckoo.
Came here on a Thursday night, the jazz music was playing in the back and there was a decent crowd (mostly couples) relaxing and sipping on cocktails. My boyfriend and I found seats at the bar as it was not too crowded and the bartender immediately acknowledged us and took our order (not sure why there are so many bad reviews about service here, i thought it was excellent).
We go the following drinks (very reasonably priced!):
— Carnival Mule ($ 9) — 4.5 stars, similar to a moscow mule, but a bit on the sweeter side due to the Cachaça, but overall refreshing
— Vannessa’s Pimms No. 1 Cup ($ 10) — 5 stars, first off, kudos to a place that gives me a cocktail in a pint glass! And this was so delicious with the combination of apple bitters and fresh cucumber I could have had a few more :)
— Red Ladybug ($ 10) 4.5 stars — a great Mezcal drink and the sweet «bug juice» balanced nicely with the smokiness of the Mezcal (and this one appropriately looked like a lady bug
The jazz music playing in the background was great, not too loud, and free! (the musicians do come around and request an optional tip). This bar made me feel like I traveled back into my grandparents basement, retro furniture, eclectic décor, and old school music. I would highly recommend this bar to anyone looking for a unique experience in the city.

Vintage Feel Inside… And an Awesome Patio!
May not give you the feel from the out side but has a very cosy patio inside!

I’ve been a fan of dive bars in norcal for sometime now.
Went drinking with my brother, the local, on a Sunday night.
We first stop.. .ordered the usual crown and coke.
They have live musicians. The inside felt like I went back in time to the 40s or the al copone era. It was dark and red inside, with an old school feel. Cozy yet chill.
This place is CASH ONLY. Luckily, I had my emergency cash with me. Who really carries cash with them nowadays?
Bartenders are really cool!
But sorry, had to deduct a point for not accepting cards

The bartender was a complete and total entitled fuck. He gave horrible service and was surprised by a 10% tip (btw UH I still tipped you asshole). Dont expect good service from the old man with the sleeves, glasses and baseball cap — expect attitude.
Too bad– came in because a friend recommended it and the music was such a great find. Will tell friend that the place has changed.

Oh Royal Cuckoo, I’m so glad we ended up driving waaaay too far down Mission on a quest for a bar adventure and thus discovered you. You’re a delicious alcoholic venue mashup. «You got martini lounge in my dive bar… You got dive bar in my martini lounge!»
Ambience: Casual dark dive atmosphere, which is dimly lit with red lighting and table lamps. Assorted cozy seating including barstools, booths, wood benches, couches and leather seats.
Music: Mellow upbeat jazz, courtesy of the organ player and guitarist at the end of the bar.
Hooch: Full bar with good beer selection, specializing in classic cocktails and martinis. Prices are a bit high for the cocktails; they *are* artisan drinks but the venue doesn’t quite justify artisan prices. Totally random but I loved the drawings of the angry cuckoo bird scattered throughout the menu!
The *one* issue I had was that my Elderberry Fizz, while very delicious, was hard to drink due to a ton of seeds. I realize seeds are to be expected when your drink contains raspberries, but… have you ever drank an ice-​blended drink and keep getting little ice balls that block your straw? Yeah, like that. Not a problem, just slightly off-​putting that a plethora of seeds and pulp was impeding my sipping.
Anyway, this cozy little bar was just my kind of place. It reminded me of my favorite hometown bar, PreFlite Lounge. It was so mellow and relaxing, I could’ve stay there for hours. Thanks, Royal Cuckoo, you’re royally cool.