My Room

Don’t blame me for this.
A friend of mine dared me to post it.
This is a review for my room.
It’s, uh, a nice room (it’s also very big).
Some of my things are in it.
I sleep here.
Sometimes my wife joins me (she recently slept in the family room after she kept badgering me about something she wanted– «The turkey is right in front of you, woman! Hurry up and eat, and don’t forget to bring me my Superman slippers!»).
Oh… Watch out!
You might find some tiny spiders crawling around.
They’ll chew off your nose if you’re not careful (I can’t smell any of the nasty stuff I eat).
Big flies sometimes come around too.
I like to smash them with my fists.
I’m manly that way.
Oh yeah.
My room is lovely, but it would be even more beautiful if Elvira stopped by. She’s too busy aging, though, and hosting bad horror movies (check your local listings for «Elvira’s Movie Macabre»).
Oh well.
A man can dream.
The nightstands and dressers are made out of oak. They come from Mark’s Oak Furniture in Fremont. If you stop by, tell Mark that Simon sent you, and he may give me a discount later (thank you in advance).
The closet contains most of my clothes.
I like to wear them.
Some of my clothes are too small for me now.
Like my reviews, they’ll be tossed in the garbage soon or donated to the less fortunate.
The master bathroom is awesome.
It’s big and bright and clean, like my mouth (oh sh – , I just broke a nail).
I don’t go in the shower that often, though.
I mainly just throw some water on myself.
The carpet is soft and easy to vacuum.
It’s also white enough for me to pretend that it’s snow.
When I make snow angels, though, my arms get rug burns.
It’s not very pleasant.
Thank you for taking this tour with me.
Please come again soon.
Well, not too soon.
I might be sleeping.
(Still, if you’re hot enough and female, you can join me).