Patties

Yay my first horrible review! Ok I have been going to Patties on and off for a couple years, know a couple people there and are usually pretty nice. Bartenders are always only decent, quite often give you attitude even if you are just trying to make conversation and check how their night is going they respond with, «what are you a fucking detective»? …
No Motherfuc*** im just trying to have a conversation you insecure rude pri**.
Fast forward to tonight, its a slightly rounder hispanic gentleman working the bar AS SLOW AS HE POSSIBLY CAN. HE WOULD GET MY BEER READY BY PLACING IT ON THE BAR IN FRONT OF ME BUT NOT HANDING IT TO ME, THEN WHEN HE WOULD START MAKING ANOTHER PERSONS DRINK HE WOULD GET ANNOYED AT ME WHEN I TRIED ASKING HIM TO FINISH MY ORDER AND HAND ME THE GOSH DARN DRINK!
Didn’t tip him, in fact he deserved to tipp me. I am so pissed at their horrible service they even pissed off another lady sitting right by me trying to get a drink and having the same issue.
All I can say is if your going to be a bartender, you better be good at it! No matter what you do, be professional.
I hope they fire this dude because I wanted to jump behind that counter and teach him how to bartend.
What a joke this place is…

I love Patties. Patties is the quintessential dive bar in S Scottsdale, where fancy upscale joints are emerging like raccoons in a garbage dump. But good old Patties hasn’t changed.
The drinks are strong, the people are friendly and the prices cheap.
¹⁰⁄₁₀ my favorite place to go in Scottsdale. Especially on a weekday when there’s ping-​pong available. But weekends are cool too. Just a good time all around.

Cameron behind the bar during the day is the MAN!

You should remember girls that have class versus your line of people that fuck hamsters…
I’d replace the bouncer with a slot machine that only plays anal. Good luck!

Beat Dive Bar in Old Town hands down. Super chill and good drinks. They will put on whatever sporting event you like.

I actually really do like Patties.
I like that it’s a dive. I like that it’s big. I like that it has several bars where alcohol can be obtained. I like the crowd (there’s a wide variety of ages and the people who hang out here seem to be down to earth). I like that they have bar games.
There’s on thing I don’t like. and it’s why I can’t give Pattie’s anything more than 3 stars. I hate the fact that peopl can smoke on the «patio!» This probably makes me sound like a cankerous old man, but I just don’t like it. I don’t understand how the whole patio works here, because it just seems like an extension of the bar (so it still feels indoors). I really wish Patties would just ban smoking all together.
Now get off my lawn.

The best dive bar in town! Please don’t come here if you’re looking for an upscale bar with good drink selections. However, if you’re a local looking for a spot to hang out with good friends ANY night of the week — this is your place!

Pattie’s is a proper dive.
Tons of space, open air center area, and plenty of fellow degenerates to socialize with.
Best feature is that they allow smoking «inside», so you’re able to enjoy a smoke whilst, you enjoy your drink.
Decent selection of your usual basic dive bar beers & liquors, which is all you need to get to you last call with a good group of friends. Prices are nice & cheap, bartenders are quick & attentive. Can’t wait to go back & earn another hangover.

I have only been here during the day having stopped in to meet a friend for a drink. During that time, there is usually one or two other patrons at the bar.
However, recently I stopped on a Saturday night around 11pm. Wow. What a change. The place was packed. Three bars open and a DJ. It was a very ecclectic crowd. There was what looked like a wedding partying post reception, a mix of 20-​somethings playing bar games, and range of ages from 21 to 70+ on the dance floor. As I said, eclectic.
I had a good time, and I will be back when in the mood for a busy, reasonably priced, Old Town Scottsdale bar on a weekend.

1. A cockroach… yes, a cockroach ran up my leg while sitting at the bar.
2. Friday night at 9pm and 10 minutes go by without a bartender behind the bar.
I know this place is a dive, but seriously.

Fun little hole in the wall bar in Old Town Scottsdale right off of the main drag. Cheap drinks for the area, and the atmosphere is super laid back. It seems to have a mixed crowd (some college age kids mixed in with some old timers), but it definitely does not have that pretentious Scottsdale vibe that one will find all to easily in the same area.
There is a ping pong table outside as well as some semi-​outdoor covered seating (no A/​C misters though).
I’ve been here twice and both times used Patti’s as a stop between establishments. Even though I didn’t spend a ton of time inside, I felt comfortable in this place. It definitely has a «come as you are» vibe to it.
If you are looking for a chill place to go with friends and rock your not so fancy clothes, go to Patti’s. It’s a cool little place.

This place is like fun older sister with plenty of fun & attitude among the Scottsdale douche bag filled establishments. Like the older sister no frills or douche bags allowed. This place is just chill, cost effective fun. So if you want to get outta the house & not take out a second mortgage for your cocktails for the evening this is your place. Lots of everybody. The day crowd are the sweet locals & in the evening a good mix of college people & the 30 something regs. So if you’re on a no douche bag diet this is your place.

Oh patties. I could have swore that I’ve written numerous reviews for you! Have I been so drunk that even days later I am confused as to what I’m doing? That I thought I wrote something for you but really I hadn’t?
It totally is possible… and for that I hope that you forgive me.
With that said, I’m now over 30 and Patties and her insanity seem less friendly to me these days. For granted, I like a good drunk and it seems that every time I happen to grace Scottsdale for a night out I end up here — normally dead last and with a cab scraping me off the sidewalk in the front… or maybe the back alley.
Pattie, being 30 is an odd age I tell you. You are too damned old to hang out with the wipper-​snapper 20 yr olds who can drink 5 days in a row and then go to work fully functioning but not old enough to be yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off your lawn. You start getting disgusted with the music on the radio these days and yearn for the good old music. You’ll occasionally try to have that big drinking night at the club only to realize you are starting to feel more like a chaperon than a party goer. But you really aren’t ready to stay home and have wine tasting parties where everyone’s bedtime is 8:00pm, so your party ends at 7:30pm.
Where do I fit in?!
And I suppose you feel the same, Pattie. You are in beautiful Scottsdale where money is abundant. You are in the city where the reputation is that all the girls are bitches and all the guys are douchebags and that everything has a triple-​dollar-​sign price tag on it. But you… you aren’t any of that. You may live surrounded by luxury but you don’t act it. You serve drinks in plastic cups for pete’s sake. You let people smoke… «inside» just because the roof is a tin roof and it can be considered «outside.» How can anyone not love that? When we step into your house, Pattie, we are in your world. Forget the lavish nature just outside your doors — walk in, grab a stool, and let that stool keep you standing up straight. If you are at this point, it was a good night and Pattie will love you even when you come looking like that. Heck, get on the dance floor and feel the music. The music loves you too. Hey, maybe you play pool better when you are drunk — well Pattie will let you play a round of that too.
Pattie, I know you know this — but you know that everyone loves you, right? Even though your signature scent is old cigarettes, spilled beer, and pissed on bathroom floors. You are THE dive bar in Scottsdale. Despite your shortcomings, you have one of the best atmospheres — you have the most forgiving crowds, you have the music playing that just makes you want to figure out what twerking is all about, and you have some of the best bartenders in town.
With all that said, nobody comes here to be seen. There are no photographers that will put your picture up on some website. The only pictures you will have from here are from your friends when you make bad decisions — the best decisions.
Can’t wait to see you again Pattie, regardless of whether I am 20, 30, or 50. Nobody will notice how old I am anyways!

Great little dive bar! Jeff was soo awesome! Love that they have $ 1 bills all throughout the bar with people’s writing on them. We added a few of our own before leaving! They had pool tables, ping pong table, and fun music! Would Definitely be back next time in AZ and would recommend this to anyone who is bar hopping in Scottsdale!

The quintessential college-​town-​type dive bar with an interesting layout, a big mixed crowd, fun music and plenty of bars selling fairly crappy cheap drinks. A little seedy, a little crowded, a little cigarette-​smoky (some of it is outdoor, so they somehow get away with this yuckiness). Four stars for being really good at exactly what it is.
This place is definitely a must on any Old Town pub crawl — however, not really recommended as hangout for a group of adults on a nice night out.

Bartender here was RUDE!!! I asked the bartender for something simple; to make me a Shirley Temple with a shot of vodka in it. He told me that he had never heard of that drink before so he would not make it. I asked him if he heard of a Shirley Temple, he said yes. I asked if he’s heard of vodka, he said yes. So I said, fantastic, then please put those 2 things together for my cocktail. He flat out said no, he would not make it for me. I took my group of 12 and left. Will never go back with that type of service.

This is one of my FAVE dive spots! It is pretty primitive and tons of tacky décor, old Christmas lights and CHEAP drinks! Watch out — they are strong too.
This is a good «starting off platform» in Old Town before venturing out to bigger venues.
Be prepared for the TRUE dive experience of having cigarette smoke attached to your clothing and hair as well as older bar flies buzzing around trying to put in work.
Bartenders are all peaches, too.

This is another old school bar that probably hasn’t changed in years and that is the way it should stay, except for the old drunk guys that hang out at bar.
The inside:
Dollar Bills are everywhere are on the walls]
Domestic Bottles are three bucks
The Ac works well.‘
Mostly a tourist bar, so fun depends on how many drinks and what midwest town they come from.
Two nice TV sets at bar
The outside:
Long shuffleboard table
Batttered and tattered pingpong table
Jukebox available
Big Tv and dusty couch near front
Smokers paradise
It all works out pretty well and a good time is usually had by all, mostly starting a night, but day weekend drinking also semi-​popular.

Do you like not being able to hear yourself think? Do you enjoy shoulder to shoulder crowds in small places with low strip-club’esque lighting? Do you love seeing drunk 20-​somethings hooking up right before your eyes? What about bartenders that are far too busy to pay attention to the 30-​something husky guy in the plaid shirt? Boy have I got the place for you!
I can see the value in this place, but not at my age or tolerance level for douche-​baggery. I suppose, this place embodies most of why I avoid certain places in old town Scottsdale OR Mill ave. Yeah, I enjoy letting loose and having a good time, but this just wasn’t my scene. Sure there were plenty of people who were easy on the eyes, it was just my brain that wanted to vomit.
I do not fault the establishment for this — but did not enjoy my time there in any way shape or form. Even just asking for an ice-​water (it was that time) was a complete hassle and incredible inconvenience despite my generous tip.

DISCLAIMER: This review was written by a Canadian.
I wandered around Scottsdale my first night in Arizona while on a business trip, and found myself pulling up a spot at Patties bar. It’s a fine place to grab a beer without knowing anyone, and I took comfort in the sweet, sweet divey-​ness. Loved it.
There was a mix of locals also sitting solo the bar, who were more than willing to chat, and good classic gentleman of a bartender who seems to care about his bar and the people in it.
Feel like being a little more social? There’s a bunch of games to play including pool, darts, shuffleboard, and ping-​pong.
Now for the EXTRA special touches:
They had the ((ice) hockey) game on! Aw yeh! Well, at least they did, until the lady next to me exclaimed that she didn’t like hockey, asked the bartender to change it, then on came this gym game with an orange ball and these hoopy-​dealies.
Oh well, it was on long enough to win me over!
Even without the game on, there was still an Oilers flag on the roof, and enough autographed hockey sticks to keep me happy.
My sudden clarity — «Ha! They’ve got a ‘No Guns Allowed’ sign on the door. How hilariously ridiculous! I like your quirkiness, Patties, I think I’ll have a drink here!» It wasn’t until later that I realized the sign was completely serious, and not at all unusual around Arizona. The more you know…
Thanks Patties. You guys are cool!