The Lusty Lady

Maybe I am being a hard ass by giving them 2 starts. But peep shows aren’t really my cup of tea. I don’t want glass between me and my lady. At the same time, I am a bit nostalgic for this lil sperm hole.
Ahhhh, such nostalgia… this was the first establishment of this sort that I ever encountered. I went on my friend’s 18^th birthday, we probably had the quintessential Lusty experience: Pockets heavy with quarters, sticky walls, lackluster dancers. But this place will always have a special place in my heart for their mega witty slogans on their marquee:
«Happy Spanksgiving» and «Kiss Me Under the Cameltoe» being two personal faves.
I really want to meet and maybe marry whoever came up with these things. Outstanding! Incredible! Genius!
Major problem here though was the fact that there was no door on the bathroom, it literally just opened up in to the hall. My boyfriend at the time took a shit once unabashedly as innocent LL patrons passed by…
Who does that!!!

Fun, cheap and friendly.
Bring hand wipes and don’t touch anything.
Dared my friend to eat a candy bar out of the vending machine. Really, they have a vending machine in the lobby.

Sad to say, it truly is «The REAR END of an era.»
Definitely going to miss the marquee when it’s gone…

After a failed attempt at trivia night (We walked out mid-​round after we realized we were too dumb) we hopped in the car and the five of us got a wild hair to venture down to The Lusty Lady one more time before they close. My wife and one of the other women in our group had never been! I know, I was amazed by that as well.
The Lusty Lady has been the same as long as I can ever remember. Semi-​decent looking naked ladies that will show you all «the goods» from behind a piece of glass for a quarter. I’m not sure how a concept as ingenius as «nudity for pocket change» can run out of steam, but unfortunatley it has here, and they will shutting down soon. R.I.P. Lusty Lady, and thanks for the mammories.

dot dot dot…
This is one lusty lady that failed to impress… *ouch!*
Oh you long-​time-​Seattle-​staple-​you, how could you do this to me, so?
In one booth, my left foot felt tacky floor, my right felt slicky floor — both possibly from — — -naaah, no way!!! Dudes/​fems would do that here?! Holy sheeeeyit! I’d imagine it’s from left-​over moisture from staff mopping the booth floors… could it be… *HUH*… both? o_​o
I was having a hum-​drum afternoon, so I thought, fluck it, the place is closing soon, let’s see what this place is made of… dammit! what shows for Channel 47 in the display case isn’t even on that flucking channel! And none of the girls Made Contact with my booth window… they just drifted from afar, like it was 0.2x Earth’s gravity or something.
partial GG for you.

My friend took me here yesterday and I thought it was great. What an interesting experience and dirt cheap. We had put in $ 3 and were able to watch about 5 minutes of feminine debauchery and rank strippers.
Luckily we were facing a cute, seemingly clean enough stripper of whom, if me and my friend’s assumptions had served us right, was East European. She kept giving me the eye which was sexy enough but again I had seen better for free. Ahem get a girl. haha.
That was great. and I would suggest that 5 minutes of viewing pleasure would be enough. We also saw stains on the window of which I think some guy had ejaculated, so DON’T touch anything in that booth. :)

Maybe I went on a bad night or something but, I swear I saw so much cottage cheese when I frequented the Lusty Lady. Jesus lady, if you’re gonna be showing off your ass (among other things), please make sure it’s presentable. But methinks patrons of the Lusty Lady don’t have a very discerning eye for what is considered aesthetically immaculate.
I went to the two-​way «booth» and was greeted with a look of surprise upon the curtain lifting. Me thinks they’re not used to seeing girls who enjoy this kinda stuff. But I wasn’t really enjoying myself. Carrying on…
The fact that the floor was littered with crumpled up tissues soaked with splooge was kinda unsettling. Thank God I was wearing boots… my friend, on the other hand, had flip-​flops on =(
And to think you only had to worry about athlete’s foot in public places…
The atmosphere was typical 1970s porno film (i.e. dark, seedy, I-hope-no-one-I-know-knows-I’m-here kinda ambiance).
Well, just make sure not to touch anything if your hygienic concerns are important…

Dirty… just Dirty.
When you walk into a place and the first thing you notice is the guy walking around with the booth mop, you know you’re in a classy joint.
From the «menu» board of the dancers, to the bored attendent rattling off the rules to us, to the scattered tissues littering the hallway you get a full sensory experience of seediness. I want to say that I handled it with verve and casual grace, but i couldn’t even muster the courage to take my hands out of my coat pockets for fear of touching any of the surfaces near me.
Mop man did not look like a thorough cleaner and I’m pretty sure I would have freaked out if i touched anything slick or sticky. All i could think is «When you’re mopping out jerk-​it booths, you really ought to re-​evaluate your life goals.»
Other folks at the Lusty Lady did not have that qualm, as was attested to by the vigorously shaking heels poking out from under the booth doors (seriously, why not have full doors? Do we really need to see that?) as some poor schmoe got his rocks off at 50 cents a minute.
If you’re feeling the need to masturbate to a real live girl who’s just as dissintereted in you as your porn collection is, and you want to pay for the privilage — Then the Lusty Lady is for you!

Wow. I have never seen so many shaking ankles in one place. It made me feel all funny, but not down there.
This place has two way and one way glass. A lovely option so you can decide if you want the bajingo on the other side of the glass to know how ugly your face looks as you rub one out.
15 seconds will set you back a quarter. How many quarters this will cost depends on how quickly you can get off to some chicks who should have kept their day job, but at least, eventually, you will get to make two deposits for the price of one.
To their credit they do have conveniently placed kleenex boxes all over and are courteous enough to have a full time jizz mopper on staff.

Picked up Drue and Paul at the airport and hit the Noc Noc. They’d never been, I’d never been, nothing says Unilocal fun like Hard A and de-​virginization.
It was clear that the Noc Noc had nothing more to offer but full price drinks and music so loud you couldn’t even hear charades, we moved on
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to the Lusty Lady, it didn’t take much to convince us. Drue and Paul had never been, I’d never been. Let the de-​virginization continue on! We strolled down the streets, the tension building.
Everyone knows the basics of the Lusty Lady, but can you ever *really* be prepared for it when face to face with all it’s glory… holes?
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Unlike the Noc Noc after 9pm, the Lusty Lady does not charge a cover.
I suggest the marquee of «Our ladies have no cover and neither do we».
Approaching the bulletin board of the talent options, I froze… OH MY.
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FREAKIN GOD! SHE HAS MY NAME! That’s right. There is a «dancer» at the Lusty Lady who has my birth name as hers. At this point, I’m unsure whether I am flattered or insulted. I haven’t been in yet.
We’ve only been here under 2 minutes, and I’ve already heard the «one to a booth», «red light means booth is occupied’, and «there is no photography in the Lusty Lady» announcements 5x each.
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Walking into the establishment, the first set of booths are for the live show. Catering to ALL sides of perv, they are:
(a) not fully enclosed, so everyone can see your heels and whether or not you’re dropping your paper towels on the floor,
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(b) offer both one-​way and two way action. if you want the girls to see you whack off or not, they have you covered, and © are not all that spacious
If you turn down the hallway, you have booths that are (a) a bit more fully enclosed, (b) Offer porn that features many of the dancers. Apparently the Lusty Lady «contracts» out their talent to local porn production companies.
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For my experience, I chose a one way booth. As the door slid it’s way open, the first thought that came to mind was «The jungle room at Graceland» I swear, that’s
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what I thought. I was awe struck at the ladies. Flat chested, flabby thighs, flabby asses, yet crackhead skinny, dead eyes, horrid hair, little/​no makeup, those wearing minimal clothing it didn’t even look clean, and they couldn’t dance for SHIT. I mean, my god. There should be standards, even for 25 cent peep shows. Either you are freakin HAWT and TIGHT, or you can dance.
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No rhythm, no sex appeal. The bonus of the one way, is clearly the girls can tell which is which. The one next to me was a two way and no one was dancing too close to that window. However, as my quarters went in, one dancer made sure she was literally, in my face, for the duration.
The streaks on the windows weren’t just from the previous occupants jizz on my side, it’s from the pussy tracks on the ladies side too. I can say it’s been awhile since I’ve had a vagina that close to my face and the first time there was Plexiglas between us. I have an odd appreciation for any man who can get his rocks off in this place. That is some skill.
I can’t see the Lusty Lady leaving us anytime soon, and that’s just fine with me. Been there, done that. Someday maybe I’ll replace THEIR Karissa and show them how it’s done. NOT.

I always feel so let down with strip clubs in Seattle. I always feel like a giddy little kid before Christmas when I’m about to go. Oh, new cool gifts! Then Christmas comes and my dreams are shattered when all I get is a travesty of a sweater I will never wear yet have to act like I love it. The Lusty Lady treated me like that let down kid.
My attempt to go to First Thursday at SAM fell through. I suggested to my friend we go to the Lusty Lady since I hadn’t been there yet. He agreed so off we went. As soon as I walk in I get all sorts of embarrassed looks from horny middle aged men. Don’t mind the girl with the only covered up vagina in the place. I’m here for the show too, fellas.
You walk past the counter and the quarter machine to a big collage of girls dancing that night. I pointed to a picture and jokingly told my friend «Oh my god! I know her!» Just jokes but it would be some serious funny if I did know a girl stripping there.
As you continue the tour you come to a bunch of doors and your complimentary Kleenex. I grab my quarter and head into the room. Whoa! Talk about claustrophobia. How in the hell does a person jack off in here? Whoever does has some real talent and its shown with the piles of crumpled Kleenex on the floor. I put in my quarter and get ready for the show. The window opens and I get an eyeful of semi-​attractive bored girls slowly moving to music I can’t hear. Rats. I was expecting more. After about 10 seconds the window closes and I’m alone again in my dark small room. I felt so jipped.
I met up with my friend and we promptly left.
Go to The Lusty Lady just to experience it and say you’ve been there then go to any other place outside Washington and go to a real strip club. Or better yet save yourself the trouble and just take a picture in front of the marquee.

Since 2006 I’ve waited to make this statement…
5 BONERS UP!!!
Now my 5 stiff star review is intended for the casual person who wants to «peep» in for a couple of laughs. If you have hair growing on your palms you might want to «rub the magic genie» somewhere else.
So let’s say you want to visit the Lusty Lady but need help on how to prepare. Here’s a short guide on how to get ready for your magical boner moment:
1. Get a whole crap load of Purrell and make sure that you don’t wear your nice shoes.
2. Go to a local bar and get drunk. I put down 5 drinks to get myself «lubed» up.
3. While you’re drunk enough run over to the Lusty Lady. And don’t get distracted and blow your load too early.
4. Go with the best dirty dozen friends you have. Proceed to do the hump train in front of the Lusty Lady.
So when you get there here are additional tips:
1. They check your ID at the window outside. Note the man behind the glass is there to check your ID and doubles as security so no need to pull out quarters and start «dancing with Johnny one –eyed» just yet.
2. Look at the wall of fame! Yes you get to see if «Barbie Biguns» is working that day.
3. There’s only one person allowed per booth so you’re going to have to leave the Sarah Palin love doll at home.
4. Watch where you step in the tiny booth. There’s enough liquid on the floor to be classified as a tripping hazard.
5. Beware of broken machines. One had their quarter return slot jammed (I assumed that someone was banging on it with their magic salami surprise) and every time I put a quarter into the machine it would fall on the floor. Which leads to the next tip…
6. If you drop anything on the floor… DO NOT PICK IT UP! Even if it’s a $ 100 bill leave it on the floor. Besides, it might be a trap with a sinister surprise if you get my wanker drift.
I would also recommend this place for groups. We had a hell of good time laughing out asses off. Apparently the regulars weren’t too thrilled as they stood around while we goofed off for 10 minutes in this fine establishment. In my drunken stupor I didn’t know that security was yelling at us over the loud speaker. From all the warnings the bouncer repeated I realized that there are only 4 rules at the Lusty Lady:
1. No cameras allowed (thanks to Ron M. for risking life and limb for these photos)
2. One person per booth (so you can only stroke the squirming German by yourself)
3. Once in the booth you must keep the door closed (no one wants to watch you «fish for trouser trout» either)
4. No loitering in the hallway (It’s hard to play tug-​o-​war with Harry and the Hendersons when there’s a dozen people laughing at you outside the door).
The Lusty Lady does have a quarter machine. I know money is dirty but bring quarters from another establishment. I’m sure all the quarters are being recycled and who knows you’ll hit the sticky quarter jackpot.
So this was my first time into a strip club so my 5 balls star review may be suspect. At worst you must go to the Lusty Lady at least once in a lifetime. And if you don’t think it’s famous don’t just take my word for it. There’s a Wikipedia page that talks about Seattle’s favorite place to wrestle the one-​eyed weasel too

Lusty Lady, you’ve really outdone yourself. Every single thing any perv could ever want, you have… and cheap!
First, obviously, you have the Lusty Ladies. Hawt, flexible, versatile, contortable, shaven, unshaven… something for everyone! Booths that go for miles, one way windows or two, with doors short enough to check what’s on the floor before you go in.
Twenty-​five cents for 10 seconds (and believe me, those 10 seconds feel like they last a LOT LONGER). See? Cheap! And easy! I was so excited it took me 50 cents to realize the window in booth 3 didn’t work.
And along the opposite wall, more booths! No peep shows here kids… at least not the live kind. Here you have videos! Even gay ones! Who knew a place called the Lusty Lady would have guy on guy porn? So completely original… this totally doubles your clientele!
Tissues on the wall too — you really did think of everything. (Although I suppose you could have put it in a more conspicuous place for the original owner of the splooge in booth 8.)
After months and months of talking this up and getting excited about it, Lusty Lady came through with flying colors.
**Thank you Xav H, for buying the Mystery Prize! Thank you Mystery Prize, for finally getting us there — you’re the best, EVER! *8P Thank you everyone who showed up, you guys are awesome! And finally, a heartfelt thank you to Irish Car Bombs.**

When you just wanna see some tittays and some ayass, and you have but a measely quarter, well hop on down to the Lusty Lady for a well spent 25 cent piece.
When $.25 can’t buy anything else in this economically troubled time, it is hard, so very hard, throbbingly hard, to debate the value of the peep show.
If you don’t mind splooge on the floor, walls, and perhaps ceiling, go ahead and step into the cozy booths for a hot one-​way or two-​way voyeuristic show. Just mind your step, keep your hands at your sides, and don’t look up! Remember your safety goggles!
For more of a cinematic feel, try the «videocade» booths, complete with a peek-​a-​boo window to wave to your friends outside! There are channel «up» and «down» buttons, and channels varying from blowjobs to hardcore blowjobs, to gay blowjobs. Bring your own popcorn!

Note to self. do not drive my car down 1^st ave. good chance of hitting another car or person due to laughing at the marquee.
Keep up the good work.

This review is dedicated to my fellow Unilocaler friend
DFENS DAN!
So yes I’ve been here. once… There up on the sign. let me take a looksie in that memory bank. oh yes. it was the year of y2cum. oh yes. y2cum… something along those lines… well here is how it went.
I was turning 18, in college, and my friends at the time were nice enough to take me here for my birthday celebration…“friends at the time” past tense
Gross. let me sanitize my hands for this review…
Nina let’s go to Lusty lady. wtf? why? it’s fun. let’s just do it… you have to go at least once. come on. it’s your birthday…
fine fine… don’t tell my mom
here’s a bag of quarters by the way. *scratches head* why? don’t ask questions just go with the flow and show your i.d.
wait there’s a line? are you f’n kidding me. there’s a room we go into. holy snike’s. let’s put quarters in… omg this girl is naked! why is the floor sticky GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS it’s cum. it’s cum. it’s nasty filthy dirty cum. I am going to barf. holy crap… she’s naked, and just touching herself. omg. even more gross. I can see other people! gross gross. double gross… they are doing the same movement… I would faint but I don’t want to faint in someones fresh couple mins. cum… so dirty…
please let me wash my hands, and take a really long shower!!!
exit scene. I hate my friends. they need to die for taking me here. but it was a sight to be seen, and I saw. and I am never going back…
btw five star for the gross factor. and five star for being across the street from s.a.m.

Holy sh! t! How could anyone give this place less than 4 stars?!
I thought places like this only existed in Madonna videos. Seriously.
Never before in my life (and probably never again) have I ever put a quarter in a slot and for 25 cents gotten to peer through a window, through the legs of a chick who is bending over in front of me spreading her cooch, and through another window at the face of my cousin who is in another booth cracking up and pointing at the dude 2 booths over who is furiously giving his weiner a massage.
Seriously, a once in a lifetime experience.
P. S. Wear a trash bag over your clothes before stepping into any of the booths.
P. P. S. If ever you put a quarter in and nothing happens, do not touch the button to get your quarter back and whatever you do, do not ever, ever stick your finger in the pocket to retrieve your quarter. Trust me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaagh!!!
*inhale deeply*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!!!
What’s that on the floor! Oh my god it’s… OH MY GOD! What’s that on the wall! Oh yuck you mean I have to touch the door handle? And press a button? Where’s my gloves? Where’s my full body radioactive anti-​nuclear war suit? What’s that smell? Why is that guy looking at me like that? Why hasn’t that girl shaved or waxed or sugared or SOMETHING… jesus it’s like a jungle down there! What’s that in the mirror… oh you mean I can see other guys watching, and… watch them? PURGE MENTAL IMAGE!
There’s boxes of tissue paper all over the place, but it ain’t because people are allergic to anything. And… why aren’t more people using it?
There needs to be a sink by the front door with bleach and hot water. And like a mind cleaning device to wipe the permanent scars I just inflicted upon my brain.
Absolutely nothing here that I couldn’t get accomplished at home with a fast computer and broadband. Except not being able to clean my hands afterwards.
All right, all right. The Lusty Lady is a ‘Seattle Icon.’ Everyone gotta go at least once. I went. I’m done. Dear God, please let me never hit that point where I need this place to satisfy my love life. On the other hand, I guess I’m kinda happy there’s a place like this for people who need it.
One extra star for whoever comes up with the signs on their billboards, those have cracked me up for years. I just thought of one they could use:
«We came, we saw, we came again!»

This is a chain.
Sure, it’s well marketed. It’s owned by women, employs women. Big deal.
So the signs out front are all innuendo and hilarity. Big deal.
It’s what’s IN the box that makes the difference. Lusty Lady is no different than every other establishment of it’s kind in the world.
The dancers are bored and it shows. Imagine, if you will, the surly 7 – 11 clerk with a stripper pole.
The accommodations are questionable. It’s dark in these places for a reason. If you could actually SEE what’s on the floor, walls, seats, you’d run screaming out the door while clawing off your own skin.
But, really, isn’t that dirty, dirty feeling half the reason you went in the door in the first place? Don’t lie.

Holy crap! I had NO idea the Lusty was a chain and existed in Seattle! Being from the Bay Area, this was much to my pleasant surprise upon a recent visit.
So a few things here — my basis for comparison being the SF Lusty Lady.
Ok it smells nice, and there doesn’t seem to be any random stains or substances on the floor.
But ugh, no tissues coming out of the wall! And it’s way small! No merch for sale! Creepy goth drawings in the hall!
And the doors are only half doors, like changing rooms, so you can see who’s in there. It feels less private. And there are no booths to seat more than one person, and if you try to bring someone else in the booth, the girl comes on the intercom to yell, and there’s signs posted about how if you proceed to go in the booth with a 2^nd person you are in violation of WA law. Sigh, oh gawwwd.
The girls are a little different. Way less suicide looking, way nicer skin. And they HELLA twerk they asses! They’re all like rap video girls. Which is great in its own right I guess.
This one chick blew me a kiss from her nipple, which felt nice.
But they seemed less… willing to interact with me though. More shut off. I was only there for like 15 minutes and had already seen everything I needed to see. No action or craziness whatsoever. Hmmph.
Also my friend inisists these Mexican dudes on the outside of our booth were all calling to me, «…Heeey bonita…» but I was apparently oblivious.
This place is aiiiiight, but not really anything to write home about if you’ve been to SF.
I wonder about Deja Vu up the street! It costs to get in though. But Rat City Rollergirls were having a party there last weekend! Haaaay roller derby.