Once Upon A Tart

Was in the area and in great need of a caffeine injection, so I popped in to check out the gothic nightmare that is Once Upon A Tart.
I had barely shut the door behind me when one of the waitresses shouted across the completely empty café that «we’re shutting in 10 minutes». Taken aback, I replied that I just wanted a take-​away coffee, and was told that I was out of luck as she had «already turned off and cleaned down the coffee machine, so…»
She shouted an insincere «sorry» at me as I opened the door back up, and off I went to the warm, welcoming arms of Café Nero.
Great first impression. I won’t darken her doorstep again.

I’ve been wanting to visit Once Upon A Tart for so long because I love Alice in Wonderland so any chance I get to enter Wonderland –I’m there! Thankfully, Hayley A had arranged tea and scones here as part of the vintage tour and I was so excited to visit!
The décor is beautiful and although I’m not a fan of pink at all, I wanted to steal one of the pink chairs because they are so cute! It’s all a bit of random mismatch that works so well together and I think it’s pretty much as close to the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party as you’re ever going to get.
Tea was served in large, beautiful tea pots (that served at least 6 cups of tea) and I loved the china. Everything was beautifully presented. Scones were warm and oh so tasty. The jam was served in the cutest little jars as was the butter (which we all mistook for cream at first, haha). Cream was provided and ah, it all went down a treat!
I’ve heard such good things about the food here so I’ll definitely be back soon — it’s so my kind of place.

From one old tart to another, this is — without doubt — my food-​of-​any-​and-​all-​types eating fantasy. Since first I cast my eyes over those four magical words: Once. Upon. A. Tart. (well, technically three words and a letter, but now you’re just being pedantic) I knew deep within the core of my vintage-​kitsch loving soul that this café and I were destined for a long and cake-​filled life together (let’s not dwell on the fact that it took me 5 months to actually walk through the door).
It was breakfast to start — trembling eggs and a sausage sarnie kissed by the Gods. This perfect first course was deftly devoured before moving to feast our eyes on the glass-​domed buffet of baked goods before us. Cakes, desserts and delicious treats of every shape, style and colour — from chocolate-​rich to berry-​stuffed — being unfussy to a fault, I gave my pal the honour of choosing a slice for us to share.
Big mistake.
The human-​being-​formerly-​known-​as-​my-​friend chose THE ONE DAMNED CAKE THAT DID NOT CONTAIN CREAM OF ANY KIND. I mean, really? Come on? We’re looking at Chocolate Orange cake with ACTUAL TERRY’S CHOCOLATE ORANGES ON TOP and you choose the loafy looking thing? Pah! Like the big-​hearted and deeply passive-​aggressive person I am I conceded to this crumb-​creating abomination and returned to my seat.
And then it arrived.
So, I’ve… umm… attached some photos. And… well… ahhh… not even do this cake justice. Soft, fluffy and moist beyond belief. The berries were to die for and the cake’s perfect crust was a thing of true beauty. So, yeah, I apologised. Profusely. The girl’s got some cake-​choosing skills on her. Though, between you and me, I don’t think it was a lucky punt — I reckon these cakes are bloody fool-​proof. Of course, in the spirit of research I shall sacrifice myself on the alter of Unilocaldom to try out each and every one. What can I say, I’m a giver?!
Oh, and the best bit? Once Upon a Tart is pooch-​proud and wholeheartedly dog-​friendly.

Good selection of homemade cakes — and tasty too. Sadly service was a bit on the slow side.

This is, and always has been, one of my favourite little cafes in the world. The whole place looks as though it was carved out of my head, from the hot pink Alice and Wonderland-​themed décor to the delicious selection of home-​made cakes (the savouries, which include home-​made soups, panini and breakfast foods, rarely disappoint either). It can be a struggle to get served on a busy day but not to the point I’d knock them down a point — if you can score a table, or a sofa, it’s a lovely place for an extended hangout.

Really disappointed ! Met friend for bite of lunch and as it was her birthday was hoping to treat her to wee slice of cake. We were seated and given a menu to then be told the kitchen was closed… at 3pm on a Saturday? Staff didn’t offer alternatives, even though we spotted sandwiches in the fridge display, just got feeling they couldn’t be bothered with customers, we ended up leaving and heading round the corner

Coffee and eggs were on my mind and so I ended up here on the promise of some brunch goodness.
First impressions are… odd. It’s all black and bright pink and a bit secondhand/​ramshackle looking. The shiny plastic tablecloths don’t help, the whole place just feels a bit cheap.
But I prefer to judge a place by their wares and their service, both of which were pretty good. I didn’t have to wait long after getting a table to have my order taken — coffee and scrambled eggs — and the coffee that arrived was ok, I’ve had a lot better but it met my expectations and the basic requirements of being hot, tasting of coffee, and full of caffeine.
The scrambled eggs seemed to take a while, I didn’t check my watch but as it wasn’t that busy I can remember wondering what the hold up was but when they arrived it was a generous portion (3 eggs maybe?) on two slabs of bread. I asked for ketchup and, again, it took a while to materialise by which point I’d gotten through almost half of the dish.
As I was waiting on Clare S I also treated myself to some millionaire’s shortbread which was tasty, a good balance of chocolate and caramel, and the base didn’t disappear into a pile of crumbs! My second coffee was much the same as the first, hot and wet and tasted like instant coffee.
This might sound like a bad review but I should stress the staff were friendly if not very engaged, the food was ok, as was the coffee. Nothing bad to be found here but I can’t really say more than that.
I’d happily pop back in if I was passing but I’m not sure I’ll seek this place out again in a massive hurry.

I’ve been wanting to try this place for ages by reputation alone!
The décor and theme were everything that was promised and more :)
I was like a kid in a candy shop… or not so much as a kid, but me in a candy shop! The pink and black theme was never ending, a hodgepodge mix of artefacts ranging from the cute to the weird, with mismatching tables, chairs and cups. The photos say it all really.
However…my love for this place kind of ends there.
I may be being a little harsh due to them running out of Chai *cry* but…
The ciabatta panini, while they had a good selection of fillings, the bread was dry and the fillings too greasy for my tastes. I don’t eat coleslaw, but by the looks of it on my plate, it was very watery.
I got a caramel, millionaires slice, which is my usual favourite. The caramel and chocolate were nice, but the base was so crumbly that it was already missing patches when it arrived, and I couldn’t eat ti without sending a shower of biscuit over the pâté and table!
The drink I ended up ordering was a Berry Fizz smoothie, the ingredients sounded unusual, but it may as well have just been a mixed berry/​forest berry smoothie… no difference.
I did get a couple of mini macaroons to go which were very nice, although at £1 each they really needed to be!
My drink, panini, caramel slice and macaroons came to £12, so it wasn’t too bad price wise, but not worth it as far as quality goes.
Overall, not a huge fan. I’d go if I was in the area, with someone who had never been and wanted to, or I was just really hungry!

The better the pun, the better the café! Right? But seriously, I love a good pun. So I really needed no further reason go in.
Kitsch, cute décor, reminiscent of the Mad Hatter’s tea party in Alice in Wonderland (my favourite ever book), I fell instantly at home. Loads of squashy chairs, leather sofas and mismatched chairs really add character to this homely feel. Being there for a morning meeting, I found it to be the perfect place — laid back, not too noisy for a chat and enough sweet treats galore.
I tried a fresh croissant, which to my delight was served warm with jam. The rest of my party were big fans of the cake — why the venue was picked in the first place. Coffee was great (and you get a giant mug of it!) and the selection of pastries, cakes as well as light bites would suit ant taste.
Only down point was the slow service. When we first arrived we were the only table in the place, but we got our coffees 10 mins after ordering, then my croissant followed another 10 mins after that.
Very cute, sweet and great for people watching out of the window. A fairytale retreat from the Glasgow streets!

A quirky place with plenty going for it, but just a wee bit slapdash around the edges.
My friend and I popped in for lunch and managed to find a table right in the middle of the café. This place takes shabby chic to a whole new level as not only are there mismatched and spraypainted (neon pink!) furniture but there are seats and tables springing out everywhere. There seems to be little rhyme or reason to the seating plan and sometimes even the staff seemed a bit confused in navigating round… However having sat ourselves down and perused the menu we both chose sandwiches and drinks. We weren’t sure whether there was table service or not as although there were about five or six serving staff buzzing around we were waiting for quite a while before one came over to ask if we’d already been served (another clue to the laissez-​faire approach), but eventually did place our order and settled in for a blether.
The food arrived shortly after and was delicious. The portions were generous for the price and the toasted sandwiches were hot and came with salad and crisps. I had the sweet chilli chicken which was really nice! It did take a while for our plates to be cleared afterwards and nobody asked if we wanted anything else so we went up to the counter to have a look at the huge range of cakes on offer. Again it took a while to attract anyone’s attention even standing at the counter, but when my salted caramel bun and my friend’s coconut jam slice arrived they were both excellent.
The mugs of tea came too which was great (I do love a good mug of tea) but it came brewed with no teabag and as I usually like a strong cuppa I prefer to moderate my own! The milk was already on the table in a cute jug; we weren’t sure how long it’d been there and I would have preferred milk that I thought had come from a fridge at some point in the last hour.
When we paid the server (different to the previous three people we’d spoken to), she was mightily confused by having two tickets for our table as apparently our sweet and savoury items were not added to the same bill. After that was sorted out we went on our way full and reasonably happy.
Just a three star review due to the disorganisation and wait time for service but the food is tasty and the staff friendly if not very prompt. A word of warning though, friends of mine have left here with migraines due in part to the eyesearingly bright décor and also the super sweet sweets. Though we had no such problems I would recommend a visit if you’re not in a rush and are in the mood for eclectic service to match the eclectic look. Still a lovely place to while away a few hours on a rainy day!

Quirky environment, great atmosphere and excellent food & drink. Coffee is served in a proper mug and the home baked cakes are superb.
I have been coming here for twelve months and have never been disappointed.

It breaks my heart to do this as I love this place, but the service today was really slow. It took over 40 minutes for our 3 orders of nachos to arrive, so I’m going to have to take a star off, they also cleared our plates but never came to take our cake order. The food when it came was great and I still think they do the best nachos in Glasgow, but the just need to get better time keeping.

This is proof to not judge a book by it’s cover or name. I walked past here and loved the décor and the name. It looked so my scene, lots of cake and pink.
When I got in, there wasn’t a lot of tables free. It was lunch-​time in fairness. I wasn’t sure whether to go the bar or sit down. So I opted to go to the bar area. The busboy basically said in the nicest way, Im not a waitor I just do dishes. Fair enough! Did seem slightly odd to have him out front, but hey. Eventually a waitress appeared and I asked for a peppermint tea. I couldn’t see any menus readily available. Nor could I read the writing on the blackboard.
I sat down in a table of four, the area that would be for people on there own looked uncomfortable, tall chairs not a lot of desk space. This eventually led to me sharing with the nicest mother, daughter, who came in for lunch and couldn’t find any space. (I was happy and offered to share.)
A good 5 – 10 minutes later, my tea appeared. The waitress did say it was hot, and by hot she meant scalding. Also, there was no tea-​bag, just brewed tea. I would rather brew my own tea-​bag and take it out when I like it… (Is that weird?)
Now for my real gripe, and I mean I was seething. I went to pay for the bill, with my card to be told 5 pound minimum spend. I was quite annoyed, as they didn’t say this when I ordered, and you can take coffee out from here. I rarely carry cash. Anyways, I was then asked if I wanted to order anything else. No not really I was just leaving. The cheek!
It gets worse, I then ask where the nearest cash machine is to get change. I was told it was up on Argyle Street. But they’ve had people go to get cash and not return, so the waitress wanted my card. I was like um no, I need the card to get cash out, Ill give you my drivers license. I was quite offended, in honesty, I dont know the tea was 1.80. So not a lot…
I then trudge to Argyle Street, get a fiver out and return. Upon getting back, one waitress handed me my drivers license back and I had to say no I owe money as well. Hand over my fiver, and they look in the till to find they don’t have enough change. LIKE SERIOUSLY. So they then give me my change, which was wrong (only just realised, 60p short) in 5 and 20ps that they got out of the tip jar. So unprofessional.
I will not be going back.

Brilliant coffee, very disappointing food. I visited this quirky and bright café on a Saturday morning with my book for company. I was immediately taken aback by the colourful décor and although it wasn’t my taste, I could see how much thought and planning went into the style of the place. I looked at the menu and was tempted by many of the items. Finally, I decided on a vanilla latte and the stack of pancakes with bacon and maple syrup.
The coffee arrived in a cool mug on a saucer and it looked absolutely delicious. My first mouthful of the hot sweet coffee was delightful. Just enough vanilla syrup to balance out the strength of the coffee beans– possibly one of the best lattes I have ever had in Glasgow.
Moving onto my pancake breakfast. Firstly, it arrived in a bowl which I found a bit weird as I needed to cut my pancakes up but found it difficult as they were not on a flat surface. As soon as I took my first mouthful of pancake I realised it was very dry. The outer edges were crisp and chewy, so much so that I had to ask for more maple syrup to try to dampen the pancakes. The bacon was really badly done– chewy and inedible in parts. I had to take a photo so that people would actually see the quality (or lack of) of the bacon. Truly disappointed and left feeling a bit sad as I had heard such good things. The lassies serving were lovely and so friendly, and the coffee was brilliant. I rarely give 2 stars but any more than this would be a dishonest review. In my view, there are much better places to get brunch in Glasgow.

Dear Once Upon A Tart,
A flat white is not a milky coffee. Nor should it come in a size above 160ml. It certainly shouldn’t come up to the brim of a very large mug. And that’s without specifying whether I wanted ‘regular’ or ‘large’ (and as I’ve just said, there is no such thing as a large flat white).
Another word of advice, maybe make fewer cakes. I know, I know, all those bright and colourful cakes, sticky with icing, LOOK impressive, but maybe if you had a smaller selection then 1. it would be easier to choose and 2. the cakes might be of a better quality. Unfortunately, whilst we ordered four different cakes between us (two to eat in, two to takeaway) they were all fairly unimpressive. My chocolate amaretto cheesecake was not particularly cheesecakey, more like a liquidy tart, and didn’t taste of amaretto. Both the cakes we bought to take away (devil’s chocolate cake and a chocolate, pear and ginger loaf) were dry.
I also find the combination of black and BRIGHT NEON PINK slightly headache inducing. But that’s a matter of taste more than anything.
Overall, I like what you’re doing. You’re a decent addition to the Trongate area and as you’re neither an art gallery not a vegetarian restaurant, you are providing some variety! I want you to be good too. The name is cute (although slightly dodgy, unless that’s deliberate and the name and décor is designed to make you feel like you’re in a bordello?). Plus you seemed popular (with Scottish comedians and their daughters at the very least). You are the very definition of ‘A-​OK’.
But please, sort out your coffee and improve your cakes. You deserve to be better than this!
Yours sincerely,
Rachel R

We were off to some other well known eatery when the presence of a mini disco made us change our plans. We didn’t know where to go so we ended up stumbling into this little gem which seems to divide opinion.
It’s kitschy, very kitschy. It’s also somewhat trippy. However, it’s a great spot for Sunday brunch /​lunner.
Both me and my bestie had the soup and a sandwich deal for £6. I had the pea and ham with a ham, cheese and mustard panini. It was pretty simple fair, but well executed. Gs was a pretty similar story.
The real lure of the place is the spectacular array of cakes. So it would be rude not partake.
G had the salted caramel cheesecake. I didn’t try it but it looked very sweet. I went for the far more savoury chocolate fudge cake with ice cream. It was great.
Previous reviews have mentioned the service. I thought it was good. Sufficiently laid back for an Easter Sunday.

If like me you’re fed up of going to cafes and getting the skinniest slice of cake but being charged loads for it then you’ll love this place.
It’s like stepping into a boudoir, however you’ll soon find yourself frothing at the mouth with the selection of cakes. For your money you get huge a slab of cake and if there’s someone in your party who doesn’t like cake there’s plenty of other food options like sandwiches and healthy salads.
There’s a small little shop section with nice plates and kitchen accessories.
I would have given 5 stars but the café is starting to look a little scuffed from all the cake eaters walking in and out and think it could do with a lick of paint to freshen it up a bit but please don’t let that put you off going!

Popped in for some late-​afternoon indulgence with David A and Rob K today, having been intrigued by the décor and cakes on display while passing many times before.
Unfortunately the kitchen was closed as it was nearly closing time, so no pancake stack for me :(Understandable, considering the time of day.
Instead it was latte and cakes all round. My first choice chocolate cake had a deliciously rich topping, but was let down slightly be the dry sponge. I swapped for a slice of coffee and walnut which was heavenly. Deliciously moist and perfectly executed!

After lunch in the Southside and a walk into town, I was seriously caffeine deficient. And desperate for cake — my usual state of being!
We stopped in here — passed by it a million times and just hadn’t been in as my impression was that it very much catered for the ladies. I wasn’t wrong — we were the only dudes in the place. We sat on the bar stools round a pillar, amongst an explosion of cerise on black. Over the top and through the looking glass is how I’d describe it — but it works for here.
The coffee I had was great, nice and strong. But the toffee cheesecake with a chocolate biscuity base was mmmm awesome, gimme more! I’ll definitely be returning — stack of pancakes and maple syrup are shouting me for breakfast some weekend soon.

Once Upon a Tart looks like somewhere I’d love! With it’s kitsch décor featuring bright birdcages, chandeliers and large, funky wall motifs, it certainly packs a punch visually. We were told there’d be cake and lots of it so my friend and I headed here in pursuit of a quick afternoon sugar rush!
As I said, the style is striking and bright but I immediately felt that the theme was excessive, to the point of overkill. Especially since the café itself is so large and every inch of the place is decorated, even down to the toilets. It’s not a soft kind of bright, rather a pink and black punky kind of bright. For me, this was a little overwhelming.
CAKE, CAKE, CAKE. Did someone say cake? This place is all about the cake! (I LOVE DE CAKE! Free cake if you got that reference!) Such a large selection of cakes, cupcakes and other marvelous sweet things. How could we resist? So I went for carrot cake, my favourite of all the cakes! We took a seat and it wasn’t long until the HUGEST slab of cake was placed before me. And when I say HUGE, you better believe it! I felt like Alice in Wonderland when she’s shrunken to miniature size. — That’s just how big my cake was! I tried with all my might to finish the cake but unfortunately the cake won. It was just TOO big!
The cake was tasty and fresh, not in the least bit dry! A decent carrot cake! It would have been better if the cakes were priced at the till point because my friend and I had no idea how much our cakes cost until we actually paid for them. At £3.50 each, it’s no cheap slice of cake but portion size considered, it’s reasonable. Also, there was no indication of how big the slices would be. I would have liked to have the option to pay less for a half slice because it was just too much for me and I feel like I would have enjoyed the cake far more if it was a smaller portion! Service was nothing special and we weren’t given a particularly warm welcome but it was fast and efficient.
I had my cake and I ate it… and it was A-​OK!