Steak, Cattle & Roll

Ate here a while back on a Saturday for lunch — the place was dead and the food was poor. Despite being the only diners, service took ages, and then our order was wrong and the food was cold. Whilst the manager apologised and took the cold burger off the bill, everything else was so lacklustre that it made me firm in my resolution never to return here. There is so much competition for the burger market in Glasgow, that there is simply no need to trek all the way out here for a rubbish burger.

So we went here mainly because of location, ive not heard good things but i thought we would try it out. Was up visiting at the royal and thought hrmmm a big meaty burger would be just the thing. Our waitress was quite bubbly and seemed to be happy asking us where we would like to sit and cracking jokes about the fact that we had the whole restaurant to choose from. The place was empty. I got their pulled pork burger with parmasan and chilli chips and my mum got a wee kids burger with fries. I did get an irn bru milkshake which was lovely and cold but didnt taste much of irn bru. It all starts to go downhill from here.
Ill start with my mums burger, it says on the menu that all burgers are made medium unless otherwise stated. If this was medium a londons burning episode would be a light singeing. The outside of the burger was black and rigid, the bun itself had been toasted black within an inch of its life. When my mum took a bite and took the middle of the burger (which was done ok) the rest stayed rigid and kept its shape.
Onto my burger now, the pulled pork was ok, little spice to it and was pretty nice. Not sure if it was from a packet or made in store but wasnt too bad. The «crispy» onions were a bit limp and slightly slimy. The parmasan and chilli chips that i was really looking forward to were a dissapointment. The chips were ok on their own but i was expecting the parmasan to be melty and delicous. Unfortunately it was way overcooked and basically solid/​crispy. If only one of these thigns had been wrong or two that would be fine but becuase of all the mess ups in what should be a simple meal its a one, definetely wont be back here again.

Pretty much in the 3.5 star bracket, but I’ll go for three on the basis that while the burgers had good char on them, which is a rarity, they weren’t quite as juicy as they could have been. Also, the place is likely to divide opinion on the décor, and it’s in a slightly unorthodox location. Still, if you end up here, I think you’ll be relatively pleased with it.
Overall, we said: «I rather enjoyed Steak, Cattle and Roll. The burgers were pretty good, with the place fully committed to its aesthetic. If you’re in this next of the woods, pop in and give it a try.»

A middle of the road review for — wait for it — a restaurant that is literally IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!
OK, I admit that’s a poor joke, but the location is practically an island on Cathedral Street. It’s had many an attempt at making a go of a business, and hopefully this one sticks; the potential is here for a very good place to come.
As I sat here looking round, the one thing I was thinking was that it would be an awesome place to bring big groups — families, friends… my folks would have loved it in here, and my son as well. Only thing missing, I would respectfully say, is the music. Put on some old 50s and 60s doo wop music — not bland Eagles and soft rock tracks with the odd 60s number, as I heard on my visit.
The food was fine — I had a plain old cheeseburger, which was good, but not entirely memorable. Amongst the sea of burger places in Glasgow, this kind of floats in the ocean without making waves.
OK, now I’m seasick.
The seasoned fries were more problematic — the fries themselves were nice, but needed a lot more seasoning to be called «seasoned» in my humble opinion. The shake I had was rather nice though — made with ice cream and served in a proper old style glass with a proper straw, none of this cheap plastic bendy straw nonsense.
Also, the plates were warmed up before the food was put on them — it’s a small thing, but it makes a difference! The staff too were very good — quick, attentive and helpful without being intruding, just they way you’d want them to be.
I’d happily come back and try some of the steaks on the menu, but there is work to be done before it rises to the top of the Glasgow scene. Hopefully, it will as it’s a great idea. I do love a good throwback diner, I’m just a big kid at heart…

I love this name, who the heck needs Burger Meats Bun or Bread Meats Bread, this is your actual Champions League level punning. Steak, Cattle & Roll is housed in a rather large, unattractive-​looking building on what is almost a traffic island beside Strathclyde Uni library. There is ample car parking — it used to be a large bank –but after that it became the slightly infamous Al’s Bar & Diner.
We went expecting it still was Al’s, and as a consequence expecting to be having a moan judging from previous reviews. We walked in though and were immediately told it was a changed and improved place. It looks exactly like an American diner, and I mean exactly like one. I’ve been to a couple of extremely similar places in New York. Yeah, even the ever-​so-​slightly tatty furniture was right, they are refurbishing at the moment though. Please put a decent sign up to announce yourself to the world!
We got seated in a booth and given the expected cardboard menus by our very personable waitress. The disappointment starts, the tap beer is not working today! Hmmm. I’m starting to worry. I’m looking at the menu though and it is a proper grill-​type menu — to summarise Burgers, Dawgs, Steaks & Wings. I opted for the 28 day 10oz New York Strip (with garlic butter as recommended by the waitress), my Moll chose Louisiana Hot Wings (with a blue cheese mayo dip) and we ordered Poutine as a side. For those that don’t know Poutine is a combination of two great Glasgow culinary traditions, chips ‘n’ cheese and chips ‘n’ gravy. Quality!
Quickly we are tucking into it all. The steak came on a chopping board, not exactly ideal for pouring on your sauce, but I persevered. It came with coleslaw and half a corn on the cob. There were slight problems with it. The steak was thinner than it should be, and not evenly thick, so some of it was medium rare as requested, and some was medium, but it was good, tender with no gristle or fat. The corn was very soft, and had water bubbles in some of the kernels. Did that mean it was overcooked, well probably, but it was just as enjoyable, and easier to eat than normal anyway. I glad to say I’m not sitting here pulling stringy bits out from between my teeth days after!
I had a couple of the Moll’s chicken wings and they were quite spicy, and very saucy. Nice! The poutine though was slightly disappointing. The chips were not bad, very much homemade-​style, the gravy though should have been poured on top, but wasn’t, it was pooled underneath. I thought the gravy could have been richer and thicker also.
I am judging this on it being an actual American diner, albeit in Scotland, it isn’t meant to be fine-​dining, and in saying that it is the experience that matters here. It felt really authentic to me, and the food was certainly wholesome. This must be worth a try for families!