The Cloak Room

The Cloak Room is a VERY dimly lit, dive bar. When you turn the corner to look for the entrance, you’ll see a simple staircase leading you down, possibly after being greeted by the bar’s regular: a cat. You walk in, unsure whether this is the correct place, and the first thing you’ll take note of is how dark it is in the bar. After a few minutes, your eyes will adjust and you’ll then take note of how the place is tiny but cozy, especially when the capitol isn’t in session.
The bartender is a personable and lovely lady, albeit a bit quirky. At times, she’ll wander off away from the bar but not so long that it aggravates you. She cares for the bar’s cat and let’s it inside once in a while. I like her and the cat. The alcohol selection was enough for me, but to be honest, it was so dark, I didn’t take notice what was or wasn’t behind the bar.
If you want the typical fancy downtown bar, skip the Cloak Room. If you want a classy, dive bar with character, give this place a visit. I’ll definitely come back again.

Oh hell yes! This is a dark little basement bar right next to the Capitol. Maybe not for everyone. Probably a terrible idea for a first date! But if you like funky dives, surly barmaids, and colorful regulars, you really need to see this place. The folks who gave less favorable reviews must’ve been wishing for a cheerful, well-​lit place like you see in the airport or something. It was everything I imagined and I’ll definitely be back.

I’ve been eying this bar almost a year now, every time I’m down in the area it’s a Sunday and they’re closed on Sunday’s! BUT I finally made it tonight and loved it! It’s dark yet intimate and the bartender working was awesome, ordered a Manhattan and it was delicious! A little pricey for some of the cocktails but overall a really cool place to check out.

One of the weirdest bars I’ve ever been to!
The Cloak Room is the CLOSEST bar to the Capitol — as such, it’s a hangout for Senators and Reps IN SESSION. During session, it can be crowded. It’s a very strange experience — two TVs (one playing the feed from the Senate floor and one playing the feed from the House floor) and the darkest bar I’ve ever been in! I walked straight into my friend when we got inside because I couldn’t see a thing — your eyes adjust after a minute!
You can walk right past it-there’s just a little sign saying Cloak Room and then you walk down the stairs. The bar is underground. It smells like it’s underground.
As weird as the bar is during session, it’s ever stranger in the interim — because NO ONE IS THERE. How does this place stay open?
At least they have a jukebox!

Kiki, the bartender working when I was there, is a great lady. Super friendly, absolutely hilarious, and a great bartender. I’d definitely recommend this bar to visitors and locals. Definitely check out the jukebox! This is one of my favourite bars In the entire world!!!

Nastiest bartender ever. Poor service, bartender was out for a smoke when we got there and the bar was completely dead.

I thought I knew about all the Austin dive bars until a friend introduced me to this gem last week! Perhaps one of my favorite dive bars. Our bartender reminded us of Drew Barrymore and had the perfect personality for a dive bar bartender. Dark lighting, christmas lights, super janky and everything you could dream of for a dive bar. Not too crowded and it was perfect!

It’s kind of a weird spot, but I thought it had a little charm. It’s a good place to start the night. I’m giving it 2-​stars because the bartender is senile. Beware of this old woman. I went there last night just to say hi to a couple of friends. After a few minutes I went to the bar to get a beer. I was given a lonestar however there was a $ 10 limit for debit cards. I asked for another beer to break the limit. She refused saying she didn’t want to go to jail tonight. Unaware, of one-​beer-​per-​person laws, I sat there confused for a second. She then went on to say that I was so intoxicated, I was going to get a DWI or crash my car. Having had only a single beer prior, I knew this was not the case and I only live 3 blocks away so I walked there. I told her these things, but she was convinced. Listening to the argument, my friend walked over to the bar and tried to reason with this woman. She kept exclaiming how she was going to jail if she served me two beers. Finally she pulls the first one away and says across the whole bar GOOD NIGHT, GOOD NIGHT. Seeing that as a sign that we were no longer welcome, we turned around, embarrassed, and said bye to our friends. I won’t ever go back.

Weird place — dark, dingy, cats (actual animals) walking around. We asked for a unique drink and we were told «you have to tell me what you want». We got bud light bottles and hit the bricks.

Horrible, Horrible, Horrible!!! Once I walked in I ordered a beer and closed my tab without leaving a tip. The bartender chased me down and demanded me to leave her a tip because «That’s just how it is here.» I will never go there again.

Great place. Good drinks and regulars. The bar lady takes no crap from anyone so stay cool and have a great time

This bar just doesn’t seem real to me. It’s a strange place and it makes me feel like I’m in a movie. The entrance is down a few stairs and it looks like the basement entrance to Kevin McAllister’s house from Home Alone. So, you’re already a bit unnerved as you walk inside because you don’t wanna get caught in a web of booby traps.
After you cautiously open the door and examine the room for safe passage, you notice that nobody seems to be operating the bar. The woman ripping butts with her back turned to you is so absorbed by video poker that she didn’t realize you walked in or just doesn’t care that you are there. You need to approach her cautiously. When she finally greets you, she stammers «how long you boys been staring through those windows?» You instantly realize that this is Mama Fratelli and you’ve stumbled into the wrong seaside restaurant. Ask for anything more than water and she may threaten to cut your tongue out.
When your drinks finally are served, she will ensure that the drinks remain on top of napkins. Don’t even think about removing that napkin and placing that glass directly on the wood. Mama Fratelli is very territorial and she’s insanely protective of the wood in the bar.
After your first sip, the uncomfortableness level has risen to such a point that the only reasonable thing to do is chug your beverage and escape through the grate under the fake fireplace.
Pros:
1) You might catch a senator getting a BJ in the bathroom from a prostitute.
2) It’s not wheelchair accessible, so you won’t run into Greg Abbott there.
3) The Chili Parlor is right around the corner.
Cons:
1) They may or may not house a horrifyingly disfigured creature, that goes by the name of sloth, in the basement.
2) Veal Scallopine, Fettucini Alfredo, and a bottle of Fettucini (a 1981) are not on the menu.

Love the underground dark feel of this place. Ya, the bartender bitched out my friends but they totally deserved it. I like that she is real, I think its charming.
Oh and she makes an amazing Manhattan.

Eh.
Tough to review this one so low, given it’s old — old history. However, when the history of oldness reveals itself to you before and upon entry, I’ll respond with Eh.
Enter at your own risk. This is not a speakeasy type, nor are drink requests too complicated for this owner/​bartender/​waitress/​manager (all of the above). She was nice, smokes like a chimney (at least outside now, given past reviews) but overall this would not be a classed-​up dive bar I’ll be swimming back to soon.

This is one of my favorite bars, and Bev is definitely my favorite bartender ever. This year I had the pleasure of helping Bev decorate the bar for Christmas which was very fun. I don’t know why people are so put out by her. I think those people don’t understand that the rules of a good dive bar are different from the rules at the bar at Chili’s. Give Bev respect and you will have a wonderful time. You can play George Jones on your own time.
I heard the ladies restroom is haunted. I must admit I don’t like going up there alone. Does anyone have some good ghost stories?

I found out about this marvelous place due to a friend who is always on the up and up on things! So I had the pleasure of experiencing this seedy little joint with them. I have to say it was awesome! Any place that requires me to go underground I am an automatic fan of. The drinks are super strong and the bartender is surly lol plus there is a kitty in the bar! How could you not love this place?!

I met someone here for a blind date before regular session adjourned for the interim. The atmosphere is quintessential dive bar, with the exception that many come over from the capitol or their lobby offices nearby, so what you end up with is the best dressed dive crowd around.
The dark downstairs definitely feels like a relief after long hours at work and the scorching Texas sun. Even if politico’s aren’t your crowd, you’re missing out if you haven’t been here at least once!

I was expecting The Cloak Room to be more «The Cloak & Dagger Room.» I was thinking, «Swank, dark, mysterious… I bet there’ll be a lot of rich lobbyists chumming it up with greasy-​palmed politicos in corner booths!»
I probably should’ve taken that expectation down a notch (or rather, several notches).
Have you ever been to LaLa’s? The place with older servers who will give you a blank stare if you ask for anything more complicated than a vodka-​soda? (Not that you should be asking for anything more complicated, just trying to demonstrate the way this place is.) Yeah. It’s that. A little run down, incredibly small, and we were subjected to Dancing with the Stars on a big screen (I’m not necessarily complaining). It wasn’t a bad experience, but it wasn’t the upscale little hideout I was expecting. Drinks are less than $ 4, staff is a bit apathetic, but polite. (When asked if they had any specials, we got a flat-​lined «Noooope.») I don’t dislike it, but it wasn’t the amazing gem it had been made out to be. Would I return? Sure! I didn’t think it was all that bad, but I don’t think it’s over-​the-​top wonderful either.

I never ever would have found this spot without the aid of my trusty legal friends. Well versed in the ways of the capital and those individuals who hover around it like vulture with carrion, they take me down a dark alley to what fate I do not know… and then we find the cloak room. And it’s mostly what I thought it would be.
Though it was empty this Saturday night, it’s so damn dark you can hardly see the hobo or senator next to you. And that’s probably by design. This windowless basement bar has a knowledgeable bartender and about 4 tables. They have a sweet jukebox with all my favorite readers digest solid gold hits and that one guy being suckered into the photohunt computer.
We had a beverage or two, danced in the middle of the worn carpet and played phil collins as much as possible. It’s a spot you HAVE to go to once. If you can find it.

Ed: «I’ve been a failure at meme generation.»
A: «You mean, like, catchphrases?»
Ed: «Well, they’re not just catchphrases, but those can count. Monichacha and I tried, for example, to change, ‘I’m just sayin’, to ‘These are my observations.’ But maybe we just needed to start from scratch.»
Ryan: «Yeah, that kinda sucked.»
Lindsey: «You mean like ‘Put that in your pipe and smoke it’. My friend often says, ‘That’s all I got.’»
Ed: «Right.»
Doc X: «I think what you need is a non-​sequitur.»
Ed: «Great. Non-​Sequitur Man is my alter ego, anyway.»
Doc X: «How about, say, ‘I just won the World Series. Tartar sauce, son!»
Ed: «That could work.»
Justin: «And to think, this was all because of my birthday.»
Martha: «This reminds me of that Twilight Zone episode.»
Emily: «Are you coming to my Spanish class?»
Ed: «TARTAR SAUCE, SON!»
Quani: «I’m not driveable.»