99 Cents Only Store

Seriously?!? It is THANKSGIVING. There is only 1 cashier and the line is backed up all the way to the back wall! People are trying to get back home to finish their cooking while the other store employees are slave driving this poor guy in the glasses. The other employees? 1 is eating soup at register 5. The other (who came out of office is just looking around talking to the one eating. The other 2 are talking amd laughing with friends in the back. Seriously?!?

This review is inspired by the title of Jay-Z’s «99 Problems» rap song.
Oh, wait a minute. I don’t like most rap. It’s too much of a tribal genre for my generation.
So, instead, I’ll use quotes with Agent 99 and Maxwell Smart, from my generation’s childhood TV comedy show «Get Smart.»
99: «You met the President! What’s he like?»
Max: «Everything you’d expect!»
99: «Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.»
—-The Manager was perusing the cash registers, asking how customers liked the store. I got the sense he didn’t want a long discussion, since he seemed to want to greet everyone on Grand Opening day (balloons, raffle promotions).—
Would you believe there’s a warranty of 99 yrs on all products at this store?
No?
Would you believe there’s a warranty of 99 nano-​seconds after you get receipt?
Would you believe that there is a warrant out for the arrest of some of the customers?
99: [Max &99 are counting donations from the agency] «Wow, here’s one for $ 500!»
Max: «$ 500! Great! Now we’re getting some place. Who’s that from?
99: «The boys in counterfeiting.»
—-Cash is predominant from customers, and the cashiers are good at giving change from cash transactions (i.e. they seem to have Counter intelligence).—
Agent 23: «See, this is your problem, some men like women who are feminine!»
99: «What? I’m not feminine?»
Agent 23: «No.»
99: «I’m not feminine??» [kicks Agent 23 in the face]
—-The customers are mainly women, but not what most people would classify as feminine-​looking (make-​up, nice clothes, etc.).—
Max: «That’s right, Chief. Potatoes are as American as pizzas or tacos.»
—-Besides some major brands, they mostly have a lot of strange cheap brands, many from Mexico.—
99: [Tamara has been shot] «Is she.?»
Max: «Yes 99, there’s no Tamara.»
—-Besides fresh produce, there’s frozen food, for future meals.—
99: «If you take XX Chloride & Max brings you back to life with Anti-​XX Chloride & you decide to destroy yourself again with Pro-​Anti-​XX Chloride, Max will bring you back to life again with Anti-​Pro-​Anti-​XX Chloride.»
—Very little organic produce. But if you are worried about getting poisoned, there are plenty of medicines on sale. — -
99: «Oh Max, the funeral of a double agent is a sad thing.»
Max: «Yes, particularly in this case. Johan was working for both KAOS & Control. Now part of him is up there and part of him is down there»
—-I am not sure if it was just a penny-​conscious shopper or a competitor, but she had a list of products for which she was writing down the prices. To save time, they all had «_.99» pre-​written.—
99: «Max! [gasps] He’s been shot in the back at close range.»
Max: «Hm. Committed suicide.»
99: «That’s impossible Max.»
Max: «Hm. You’re right, there’s no gun»
—-Some things are not obvious. The arrangement of items in the aisles is puzzling sometimes. For example, you can find chips in multiple aisles, different brands. Maybe they want you to go on every one.—
Max: [after rescue] «How did you know we were here, Chief?»
Chief: «I stopped by the house and 99’s mother told me you were here.»
99: «You came just in the nick of time, Chief.»
Chief: «I would have been here sooner but she made me stop and eat first»
—-The place is packed, lines are long, but the cashiers don’t seem to have any urgency. There are, predictably, about 99 parking spots in the lot.—
Max: [dressed as a Mexican musician] «You know something, 99, I like you with a moustache.»
99: [wearing a Charlie Chaplin outfit] «Thanks.»
Max: «Don’t shave it off.»
—-The carts are Barney-​shaded purple.—
Maxwell Smart — Agent 86: «Don’t worry 99, 43 is a good man.»
99: «You’re worth 2 43s, 86.»
—-Some items are priced 2 for 1.—
DeGrasse: [aiming gun at Max & 99] «That’s a very interesting picture of you in the file, Mr. Smart.»
Max: «Thank you.»
DeGrasse: «But why were you sitting on a pony?»
99: «It was taken on his birthday.»
—-Lots of children’s toys &supplies… That draws the moms in.—
Naomi Farkas: «I can’t get over how many locks you have on your door.»
99: «Max leaves me alone a lot and likes to think that I’m safe.»
Naomi Farkas: «Well, you’re lucky to have a husband who cares. When Emil goes out, he leaves the key on TOP of the mat.»
—-Security outside & inside the store to keep most of you safe.—
99: «It’s just that sometimes I wish you were just an ordinary businessman.»
Max: «Well, 99, we are what we are. I’m a secret agent, trained to be cold, vicious, and savage… not enough to be a businessman.»
—-There are a number of «dollar stores» in the area. But this chain has a record of success (325 stores in USA).—
Another Unilocaler planned to get this FTR today, but was too late.
Maxwell Smart: «Missed it by tha-​a-​at much… Sorry about that, Chief»
P. S. Larry B Smart: «Listen, Unilocal Admins. I uh, hope I wasn’t out of line with that crack about rap being a tribal genre.»