Alleyway Cafe & Bar

I am not trying to say I hang out in shittier bars as a badge of honor. I just do because I live in Cleveland. I like bars that don’t cost a lot of money and where people are friendly or grumpy. Alleyway is a nice bar that does not break the bank and is comfortable to hang out alone at. I had some nice conversations with other people at the bar here. People love a bar or restaurant that uses white subway tile, mismatched wood paneling and Edison light bulbs. I prefer places that don’t look like every other place most people go to. Give me a seat to drink in and I am content.
«My table is my throne, and the barroom is my court. The bar whore is my subject and drinking is my sport.»
–GG Allin

Yesterday two woman stopped into my work to buy food and wondered out loud whether the bar they were headed to would allow it in there. I asked which bar. They said «oh you know the sketchy, dirty one with all the murals outside» I laughed and said «Alleyway?»
I love this bar. The food is great, the atmosphere is great, the patio is the best and stays open the latest. Yes the patio is full of «smoking hipsters» but if that’s not your vibe, don’t come here. You’ll ruin it for us. There are few places left on this street that aren’t overrun by yuppies and bros, and that’s why I love alleyway.

Cool place, my drink is icky I ordered a vodka soda water and lime and it was disgusting!

This is the dive of dives on Alberta. Cheap well drinks, cheap bar food, and Karaōke on Thursdays with a pretty awesome KJ. Bonus about this bar is a huge gravel yard in back with covered picnic tables. If you’re looking for a cheap, anything but pretentious experience on Alberta, this might be the place for you!

Very much a dive and kinda stinky. Waiting to order at the bar I was wondering if someone had pissed under the bar — seriously strong. Maybe someones catheter bag broke?
In general it is sticky in this bar. Bathrooms are disgusting. Dark and dirty — but the drinks are strong and cheap. I have not eaten here — I’m too scared.
The outside area is surprisingly large — and covered so would be nice in the fall IF it were not packed with smoking hipsters. Not a prob if you smoke, but if it bothers you, this outside area is not for you.
I’de stop on my way somewhere else to get a stiff cheap drink. Not a place I wanna hang.

My favorite bar on Alberta. Except when the idiots from the Knock Back stumble too far. Buffalo tofu bites&cheap/strong drinks.

If you want the same old thing that every other bar in Portland offers, go here and get crapped upon. Nothin original about this place. You get a dirty look and MAYBE some actual service. When will being rude start being uncool? Portland needs a change of atmosphere, cause right now, all I see are a bunch of sheep. I realize this place has a «grungier» type of setting, but do you really have to be such a cliché, Alleyway? You are offering a service, so provide it.

If you’re looking for a dark dive that has wildcard music and good food, this is a great option. When I say wildcard music, I mean that the music selection at this place breaks a lot of the stereo types I had about a Alberta dive. The music may be up to the discretion of the bartender — it might be classic country (played way too loud) or death metal being played mid-​day. The pinball machines, pool table, photo booth, and ample outdoor seating are a great bonus and bring in a interesting mix of people.
The food was surprisingly good for a place I didn’t expect to have a full menu. I ordered the Philly Cheese Steak for $ 8! The price was a steal for real steak and delicious fries. They keep your card when you have a tab which I hate because I always forget to close out. Of course, I left my card there. There is a terrifyingly narrow bathroom that I was too scared to go in. Even the full size bathroom was a but terrifying. Not dirty, just dark, cold, and reminded me of a torture chamber.
There were Rolling Rock promoters in the house handing out free beer. I’ll never complain about free beer!
I approve. And I will be back to try more food and sit outside!

I don’t rate service, ambiance, cleanliness and wait times; they are too variable. I can put up with anything if the food is good. It is all about the food– that’s it. All of my ratings are based on vegan options only.
Notes: Worst vegan nachos in Portland so far!

Went for karaōke last night for a friend’s birthday. Can’t say I’d be thrilled to go back.
I’m sure probably no one from Alleyway will read this, because they’re probably to cool to care about Unilocal reviews. Yeah, they’re cheap, so they’ve got that going for them.
I just have to second what many others on here have said about the service. I’ve been in the service industry for years, and if I acted as surly as the staff here does, I probably wouldn’t have my job for much longer. I get that sometimes, you just have a bad day… And I get how annoying it is to deal with drunk people. I do it all the time. But would it kill you to be nice if I haven’t done anything to piss you off, and I’m tipping?
Also, the bathrooms are horrifying. Jesus Christ.

Stumbled upon this place while deciding between heading home or more happy hours. We thought there might even be a bakery nearby to help us decide. But instead we found this place. You can see the very large patio from the street, much of it is covered. I hope they have heaters in winter!
Big open space (do they have bands?) with a bar at the back. Leslie and I checked out the offerings and I spotted a trivia machine. We ordered $ 3 well drinks at happy hour — and for and extra fifty cents, they made them in a pint glass. SCORE! We sat down for some trivia… silly but fun. I think it got more expensive and don’t even bother with «hollywood match» — it’s just stupid. Friendly crowd (feeding us trivia answered unsolicited, but friendly is always better than not).
Back to the patio to enjoy the ambiance. Not too crowded at 5pm on a Friday. but groups of folks, even a dog! The nice bartender filled a dog bowl of water for the dog — sweet! We ordered burger sliders (2 for $ 4) and yam fries ($ 3). Both were very tasty (burger overcooked but it’s kinda hard with a little burger, I know).
This place is cool. I shall return (with my cat?)

Simple one here. Cool little dive bar that a friend and I found at random while wandering down Alberta. Cheap beer, they have Shiner in bottles, decent music and pretty dark lighting and a full moon out. I guess it made sense that both hipsters and 80s hair metal guys were both occupying benches. Everything happens with a full moon out.
I liked the pinball machines and just the low key atmosphere of the place. I can add it to the dive bars I already enjoy going to, and this one isn’t too far from home.
Enjoy.

So here’s the thing. This is a four star review with a big *BUT*
I have a love hate relationship with this place. We live nearby and love our street.
I love: weekend brunch. it’s the only time I go in here. The bartender is super nice, all smiles, really prompt, and makes a great coffee. By coffee I mean white russian. it tastes like coffee. Also, super simple DELICIOUS menu of 6 items with vegan/​veg options. It’s like a ray of fucking sunshine on a cloudy day walking in there at 9am on a sunday. It’s super low key, everyone is nice, and I get to watch random tv shows and pick them apart with the super friendly bartender and drink beer before 10 without judgement.
I HATE: metal mondays. they start up metal music on a monday night at 9pm. so loud it shakes our house. Random people throwing up in our yard at 2 in the morning. Random boxes of cigarettes thrown in our yard. Being hate-​stared at by the regulars for not being a regular. The bathrooms that look like they came out of train spotting. The angry bartenders that hate you for ruining their already ruined day because they have to serve you, you terrible, terrible person.
So overall, 4 stars for the only time I go in there! Food: Aweome! Drinks: Awesome! Service: Awesome! I run to my house to use the bathroom though.

Cheap drinks.
Friendly bartenders.
Back patio with plenty of seating, most of which is covered.
Dog friendly.
Photo booth for your drunk, memory-​making pleasure.
Food menu for meat-​eaters and vegans alike.
Juke box for you to put on «Safety Dance»
Good looking/​intriguing looking patrons.
Not a completely terrible place to spend your night!
When you walk in, the bar area is almost always empty because everyone’s outside taking good use of their patio. Grab a drank and get on out there.

Pros: fantastic patio year round, fair selection of vegan/​vegetarian dishes. Good happy hour. Kid friendly during the day.
Cons: hummus wrap that I just had was not so hot. Lack of flavor, crudely cut chunky vegetables. Crowd trends to be homogenous middle aged hipster variety — be warned.

Be warned: if you enjoy urinating on toilet paper this is NOT the bar for you ! Half way through my first drink of the night the bartender announced: «All non-​regulars need to get the fuck out.» –This outburst was due to a mysterious urinator who had soiled not one, but three rolls of toilet paper.
Enjoy the cheep beer and patio, but make sure to bring you’re own roll of toilet paper and don’t get too comfortable in that photo-​booth because if she strikes again you’re getting kicked «the fuck out!!»

Some mixed feelings here. I find myself coming by here very often but two things really need to improve. One, the people working here really need to fucking focus. Look at me. Take my order. It’s really irritating that you’re either so stoned you don’t know where you are or I’m not your childhood friend so you’re going to completely ignore me until you finish your conversation with the 7 dwarfs dressed in all black. Second, turn down the fucking music. I like loud. I like very loud. There is no reason however to turn the volume to painful levels. If I can’t hear myself screaming at my friend then YOU are doing something wrong.
Other than these very, very consistent gripes I do like it here. It’s a great local shit hole. The bathrooms are incredibly disgusting. The clientele for the most part appear to be unemployed hipsters. (Basing this entirely on your face tattoos and that you all look uniquely the same.) The food is pretty good. Huge covered and uncovered outdoor patio that is heated and you can escape level 37 hearing damage. Three pinball machines that no one seems to every play. Photo booth. Pool table. Karaōke nights. So many things are right! Just a couple of things going wrong.

Oh my, this place is hipsterly hippy hipster. So hipster it hurts. So hipster it’s reached a new level of hipster. Deliberately mismatched clothing? Check. Ill-​fitting finds from the Goodwill bins? Check. Beards? Of all kinds. Thick rimmed glasses? Chec… wait a minute I have those. Shh.
Regardless I like this bar. I’ve been twice and have been endlessly amused. The first time around we watched super-​drunk couple attempt to use the (awesome) photobooth, and the most epic hipster pool game ever. Second time around was kareoke (I cannot spell that damn word right to save my soul) with borderline homeless peeps belting their hearts out. So there is NO lack of entertainment.
But I also like it because it has some damn strong pours with the right bartender, a ton of space and a nice outside. Unfortunately (for me) you can smoke out there so my clothes the next day harkened back to the era of smoking in bars. GROSSSS. It’s definitely one of my more likely go to’s on Alberta.

My local go to dive bar. Don’t judge until you get the check. Yup, cheap drinks and strong pours all day.
This place is inhabited by the bearded local hipster crowd. Giant beards, thick rimmed glasses, combat boots, tattoos, and beanies rule here. Usually they are rocking out here to true butt rock music. As per typical Portland you could roll in here in pajamas and fit in perfectly. The bar is dark and has a photo booth in case you feel like you want to document your intoxication somewhere else besides Facebook selfies.
The bartenders are quick and friendly. Never have eaten here so can’t weigh in on this.
Tired of paying 12.00 for craft cocktails? Than this is your bar.

My dive bar rating maxes out at 3 stars, so my rating of 2 stars for Alleyway signifies that is an A-​OK dive bar.
I was first struck by the atmosphere and clientele. This is Alberta through and through. The crowd was like a convention for black jackets/​hoodies/​beanies/​beards. I can throw around the «H» word, but that word has lost all meaning. Let’s just say while all these people dress to look different from the norm, but when they are all together, they are the same. PBR was in high demand.
Alleyway looks like a quaint place to grab some drink and hang with some friends. However, while hangin’, you will be screaming at the top of your lungs at each other. The music is way too loud to carry on a decent conversation.
Service was quick and the beers were cheap. Draft Beers were $ 4. $ 2 Rainier draft. And I am guessing PBR cans were $ 2. Great prices to knock back a whiskey and a beer with friends… if you can hear them.
Given the choices on Alberta, I would still come back to Alleyway for a decently priced round or two.