5th Avenue Inn & Suites

What a dump! If I could give it negative stars, I would. No customer service literally, breakfast is stale-​ish, rooms are gross and musty, no toiletries unless you keep asking and housekeeping does not clean. Don’t stay here if you can afford to stay elsewhere.

What a dump. Really, it should be one star, but they’re so damn cheap and have free parking and are right by Mayo Clinic.
This place had an okay average score on Tripadvisor (didn’t read into reviews), and it was so cheap and I didn’t want to do a lot of research, so I just booked it. I mean, I don’t know… I might do it again? Sooooo crappy, but so cheap.
Time travel to the…50’s? 40’s? In the old timey elevator that only has one button. Not up, not down, just the button to bring the elevator. So when you step into that scraped up green metal box, you might be going on a trip up, you might be going down. (Life’s like a box of chocolates.) And then time travel to the 80’s/90’s in your hotel room. Bathroom has roses printed on the sink. They actually still have wool blankets, but they are full of holes.
When I walked in I was like, «I’m sleeping on the bed that doesn’t have stains and/​or hairs.» And true to my instincts, one bed had visibly stained sheets, and the other looked okay. (Actually, those sheets had grease stains, too, but only on the bottom side, which I only saw because I felt compelled to check the place for bed bugs.)
The carpets are also visibly stained, but that’s probably because they went with an off-​white berber, with no «hotel carpet» pattern to it to cover them up.
The hotel is designed so that you won’t miss out on anything. By that I mean that there are no real hallways, all the rooms face kind of an atrium in the middle of the hotel, so that when they flip on Fox News at 6am for the unbelievably shitty continental breakfast on the ground floor, you can hear it in your room, on any floor.
But they didn’t have bed bugs, parking was free, and even though you can hear the Fox News at 6am the rest of the night was actually pretty calm. And I have to say, the staff were positively peppy! So friendly and helpful! So yeah… for $ 70/​night including tax, I’d consider doing it again. I’m definitely going to check prices for other places, but… yeah. I’m weak.