Pier 51

Paul takes the cake on this review. I could not have said it any better. Don’t go here unless they pay you.

Strolling into Texarkana in the middle of a downpour after missing hot meals for about 48 hours, you’d think that almost any warm food substance would do, right? Wrong.
Judging by the exterior, you’d think that this place has «Classy-​with-​a-​capital-​C» written all over it. Palms, supper-​club blinds, red carpet, etc. Inside however, there’s a Hee Haw revival that would rebel yell the Brahmin out of a Cabot or a Lowell. This may be the New Englander in me, but if you’re going to be a SEA food restaurant, don’t you think you ought to serve food from the OCEAN? In land-​locked Arkansas, if you don’t have food from the ocean on your menu, then don’t call it Seafood, k? If I want an All-​You-​Can-​Eat catfish fry, I’ll hit up a local Pentecostal or someplace that bills itself as a FISH place. Catfish come from rivers and lakes — places with fresh water. Oh, and their nachos are terrible. I made some «bachelor nachos» last Super Bowl that blew them out of the water in terms of culinary skill. Frankly, Pier 51’s «signature nachos» made my drunkenly-​made plate of chips, canned salsa, and microwave-​melted slices of American cheese looked like something from Escoffier’s recipe box.
Pier 51’s décor makes it even more the restaurant version of an «Over the Pants Hand Job». Delightful framed nautical paintings next to classic photographs of Rockport, MA’s Motif Number 9 are all threads in the tapestry of lies that Pier 51 weaves for its guests.
Service, yeah, lets talk about service. If I wanted to hear about short-​term stints in military prison coupled with overly descriptive ventures in feminine hygiene, I’d start getting drinks in the employee women’s rooms at any Home Depot. Instead, I’d like all discussions of anyone’s crotchal problems are relegated to code or inaudible sotto voices — I’d also like to get my next beer before I start sobering up from the previous one. The lovely «ladies» behind the bar are also keen on closing the bar early, then reopening it, then closing it again. The menus (which were in Middle School report covers) indicated that the place (which was still full of people) stayed open until an hour or so later than the staff indicated it did.
Once again, I’m certain this place stays in business due to a lack of better options.