Odwalla

An open letter to Odwalla,
Dear Odwalla,
Thank you for your Blueberry B Monster. I drink one every day. Without this amazing little wallop of energy, I fear horrible events in my life would stack up like a freight train pile up. Without my Blueberry B Monster, serious things would not occur such as no scrubbing of my tub, no driving my vehicle to and fro, no clean, starched shirts. NO SEX. These would all be terrible things to not be able to accomplish at any moment of any day.
I LUB MY BLUEBERRY B MONSTER! If you were a guy, I’d want to be your lil love slave. If you were a guy I’d have to let you know that I occasionally cheat on you with your business partner, Mo Beta, but I’ll always come running back to you… even tho Mo Beta makes my hair shine and my vision better, without you I’d never get out of bed. If I could, I’d fuckin’ MARRY you; at the very least, I should look into buying some Odwalla Stock ’cause your type of love doesn’t come cheap, you glorious hooker!
Forever Yours,
Samantha‘~
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